Celebrity

Category: High Drama

January Jones' virgin birth: 7 baby-daddy conspiracy theories

January Jones hasn't said who's the father of her baby son Xander

For those of you who cannot go for a single day without reading about a celebrity baby, here's your fix: "Mad Men" costar January Jones has had her infant, the birth certificate has been released — and the document definitely belongs in our very special Department of Mysterious Mysteries!

For, lo! There is no baby daddy cited!

Unlike most celebrities, who cannot wait to sell out their first family photo — you know, the one with with mommy and daddy hovering adoringly like Mary and Joseph on a Mexican prayer candle — Jones has bucked all trends.

She has never named the father of her son. She has not pimped an official photo of little Xander; heck, she hasn’t even issued the usual pap about being "over the moon." If we didn’t know any better, we'd say Jones is almost classy.

She might be classy. But we here at the Ministry of Gossip are not. By omitting the name of her baby daddy, she has given us a fresh reason to sling baseless speculations about who begat this stealthy, stealthy baby.

For the record, it appears that Jones hasn't shagged anybody named Xander in the past year, which makes our gossipmongering all the more difficult. But here are the names that have been bandied about, plus a few extra that haven't been but should be.

1. Jason Sudeikis: The "SNL" star publicly dated Jones from July 2010 to early this year. When a Washington Post reporter requested a comment from him about the Jones pregnancy, he babbled, "I'd rather — yes but no."

2. The Piv: Jones and Jeremy Piven, "Entourage" star, were linked in the tabloids circa January 2010. And, look, here’s a photo of the two of them standing totally near each other.

3. Pete Campbell: Didn't he knock up Peggy Olson on "Mad Men" in, like, a single episode? What's that you say? He's a fictional character on a TV drama? What's your point?

4. Matthew Vaughn: Like Sudeikis, Vaughn reportedly has distanced himself from the Jones pregnancy, which is wise, because the "X-Men: First Class" director is married to a very hot meal ticket named Claudia Schiffer. Then again, the "X" in Xander really isn't doing anything but fanning the gossip flames. And speaking of X ...

5. Jones recently costarred in a movie with a guy named Xander Berkeley. Let the irresponsible tongue-wagging commence.

6. Adrien Brody: He and Jones maybe dated for a minute.

7. Anonymous Donor No. 19450110: According to gossips, a big reason behind the Sudeikis-Jones split was the actress' desire for a baby. And you can buy sperm, you know.

RELATED:

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January Jones finally has a costar in her unapproachable corner

'Mad Men' creator says the show wants to make motherhood work for January Jones

— Leslie Gornstein

Photo: January Jones at the "X-Men: First Class" premiere in New York on May 25. Credit: Stephen Lovekin / Getty Images.



Just try saying goodbye to Oprah Winfrey; she'll find you

OprahBy now we have had plenty of time to mourn Oprah Winfrey. Thanks to Winfrey’s network, OWN, we have been sitting a yearlong shiva, watching the Christ-like Last Days through a show called "Oprah Behind the Scenes." We’ve also witnessed celebrity after celebrity make their pilgrim’s progress to Chicago to tell Oprah how she’s brightened the lives of millions. (Because if there’s anyone who reflects the will of the people, it’s Madonna.) And traditional newspapers are already going on about Oprah as if she’s no longer alive. (“The Oprah Winfrey age comes to an end,” the Daily Mail keened.)

What we haven’t really had is a reality check: This woman isn’t going anyplace — at least, anyplace where a camera can’t find her. She is barred from returning to a talk show until 2012, but that’s exactly what she plans to do once January comes. "Oprah's Next Chapter" is expected to feature footage with the megastar roughly three times a week. No, that’s not a daily dose of feel-good-yes-I-can-isms, but it’s a schedule that leaves Oprah plenty of opportunities to remind us about what soap she prefers or how chummy she is with Jennifer Aniston.

In the meantime, Winfrey isn’t exactly shying away from celebrity, either. (There is no way that a person who shares her camping trips with the planet is ever, ever going to abandon life in front of a camera.) In September, Winfrey’s broadcast contract frees OWN to present vintage Oprah episodes, and the network has said it plans to do so, including 60 with new intros featuring Winfrey herself.

Oprah has said she wants to leave behind the grind of a daily TV talk show. That we can believe. But we here at MOG will bet you dollars to doughnuts (if not Sprinkles cupcakes — thanks for the recommendation, Oprah!) that the billionaire will be on her deathbed before she ever, truly, steps down. Her daily talk show may be at an end, but the Oprah Winfrey Age will go on for as long as Oprah needs to talk about herself and her friends in front of a lens. And that day is a long, long way off.

RELATED:

Oprah's revolution will continue to be televised

Oprah Winfrey's family secret: A half-sister named Patricia

Oprah's long goodbye: Maria Shriver, Tom Cruise, Tyler Perry pay homage

— Leslie Gornstein

Photo: Oprah Winfrey in January. Credit: Chris Pizzello / Associated Press.


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