"Your Highness" star and co-writer Danny McBride has announced that he and his wife Gia Ruiz are expecting a baby.
"I got married last October," McBride said on Conan O'Brien's show Wednesday. "I wasted zero time. Three months later I knocked my wife up. It happened very quickly."
That would make his wife about three months pregnant, according to super-rudimentary Ministry calculations.
"I had never impregnated anyone before," the 34-year-old actor quipped. "So I didn't really realize that what they teach you in health class is actually true. That's all it takes."
When Coco asked the sex of the baby, the "Eastbound and Down" star suggested in his own humorous way that it's a boy.
"We've been told that it's either a three-legged girl or ... we either have a marathon runner or a porn star," he joked.
When this Ministry writer offered McBride congratulations during a Hero Complex live chat Thursday, he joked, "Nardine! Thank you ... we will name the baby after you." (This Ministry writer is now considering alternate careers as a marathon runner or porn star.)
McBride, who plays retired baseball player-turned high school coach Kenny Powers in the HBO comedy "Eastbound and Down," stars in the upcoming stoner comedy with James Franco and Natalie Portman. It is directed by McBride's film school buddy David Gordon Green who with McBride came up with the concept for the film.
"The idea for the movie honestly started out as a joke," he told O'Brien. "We would come up with just titles of movies and we'd quickly figure out what the movie was and if the movie wasn't good you had a drink or something like that. And 'Your Highness' was born that way ... It's about a prince who gets stoned and fights dragons. And 10 years later we have Natalie Portman and James Franco -- Oscar-nominated and winning actors."
Yep, Lindsay Lohan is sad, all right. First she got in trouble for her DUI-slash-probation-violation. (Well, no, first Lindsay had to grow up with Dina and Michael Lohan, but we have to start somewhere.) Then she ran up against a judge who was not amused by Lohan’s version of reality. Then Lohan had to wear that ugly ankle bracelet around, and her lawyer stone-cold stepped, and now the actress has to go to jail. And she can’t go to jail! She just can’t, is all! Says her mom, that’s who!
But if you’re familiar with the intricacies of celebrity jailhouse math -- and we are -- you know that Lohan may not be in as much dire peril as originally feared. Judge Marsha Revel has handed down a 90-day jail sentence for Lohan. But according to our Division of Absolutely Accurate Statistics -- and a book penned by, why, yes, me! -- don’t be shocked if Lohan actually spends much less time in the slammer. And yes, we mean even less time than an ordinary person would spend with time off for good behavior.
Behold, our jailhouse math: A nonfamous convict sent to a Los Angeles County jail generally serves ...
When the Star tabloid hits newsstands Wednesday, it'll contain a story alleging Al Gore had a two-year affair with Laurie David, who was a producer on "An Inconvenient Truth," the former VP's global-warming documentary.
But perhaps gossip hounds should curb their enthusiasm before believing that "Seinfeld" creator Larry David's ex-wife was knocking boots with Tipper Gore's future ex-husband.
Laurie David's agent, Dorian Karchmar, told People the report is "completely, patently false." David herself told the Huffington Post that the story is untrue, adding that she's been in "a serious relationship" since her 2007 divorce.
"I have no idea where it started from or why," Karchmar told People, "but it is absolutely,
positively and patently untrue."
As a palate cleanser -- or is it?? -- we offer a few nonscientific online polls, after the break, courtesy of our Division of Absolutely Accurate Statistics:
Celebrity blogger Perez Hilton -- or someone with access to his Twitter account -- sent out a link to a celebrity "upskirt" photo Sunday. No big deal, right, happens all the time? Seriously, just ask Lindsay Lohan. Except this time, the skirt was allegedly being worn by one Miley Cyrus.
For those who don't hang out in the Internet gutter, such photos are usually snapped when a female celeb -- in a short dress or skirt, preferably sans panties -- gets out of a car. It's a vulnerable moment, unless you're Demi Moore, in which case your ninja upskirt-blocking skills prevent such hideous images from being captured.
Outside of celeb circles, such ninja skills are referred to as "acting like a lady."
But here's the problem: Miley, no matter how much she "Can't Be Tamed," is only 17. As in, not 18. Also referred to as "not legally an adult." Which means laws protecting kids from sexual exploitation could come into play -- just ask Joe Francis.
The link's long gone, and there's talk that the image might be a product of Photoshop, but according to a legal analyst over at Salon, none of that matters.
"We're not talking about a misdemeanor," attorney Jeffrey Douglas told the website. "You don't have to know what the
definition of the law is; all you have to do is knowingly distribute the
On Monday night, Hilton posted a video -- not a direct response to the photo link, mind you -- in which he says that "it's OK for Miley to be a little sexier, because she's almost 18." And on Tuesday afternoon he posted a link to a picture of Miley fully clothed, allegedly "proving" underwear was present because you can see it through her frock.
Mmm-kay. Isn't an upskirt of a child's underwear sort of the same thing?
Time will tell if the law agrees. Until then, our Division of Absolutely Accurate Statistics is pleased to present a nonscientific online poll.
-- Christie D'Zurilla
Photo: Perez Hilton arrives at Logo Network's third annual NewNowNext Awards on June 8, at the Edison in downtown Los Angeles. Credit: Katy Winn / Associated Press
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The Ministry reveals the following because it's the public's right to know: In the new HBO film "The Special Relationship," the scene of Bill Clinton in his PJs foraging in another world leader's refrigerator is drawn from the former president's, shall we say, culinary reality.
"I spent a weekend at the White House with him," said Dennis Quaid, Clinton's screen double, at Wednesday's premiere for the film that airs May 29 and costars Hope Davis as Hillary Clinton. "We went to play golf and took the presidential limo, and lo and behold, there were Subway sandwiches in the back."
Naturally, the after-party expressed the film's geopolitics in Bill Clinton's favorite medium: snacks.
The movie is the third in a trilogy starring Michael Sheen about former British Prime Minister Tony Blair's relationships with world leaders -- so some buffets served up fried chicken and mac ‘n' cheese while others had bread pudding and beef sandwiches.
The TV networks' fall-lineup announcements have been brutal for the likes of Jennifer Love Hewitt and Julia Louis-Dreyfus, whose "Ghost Whisperer" and "The New Adventures of Old Christine" got whacked -- and the death of dreams, even if they're not our dreams, makes the Ministry sad.
But, "American Idol" does a save -- what if we could give the Michael Lynchetreatment to
someone in television's scripted domains?
Heather Locklear and pals such as Michael Rady and Shaun Sipos have been set off to sea on the "Melrose Place" ice floe, marked as the only scripted series not returning to the CW.
Add to that "Ugly Betty's"America Ferrera, who got some notice and wrapped it up in April; Courtney B. Vance and Joseph Fiennes from "FlashForward," who should have known the future looked bleak; and the whole "Heroes" crew, among them Hayden Panettiere, Zachary Quinto, Ali Larter and Milo Ventimiglia.
Oh, sweet heavens -- newly crowned Miss USA 2010 Rima Fakih put her back to a pole in 2007, when she was 21, and slid down it in front of a crowd, and we're all supposed to freak out over the pictures nobody ever tried to hide? Photos that are well within the boundaries of our Hooters culture? Not to mention marginally less suggestive than photos that were part of the contest?
"I feel really good about [Fakih's win] because she's from Michigan, and especially from Dearborn," a local business owner told the Detroit News for an article ominously headlined "As Metro Detroit rejoices, stripper contest casts pall for Miss USA Rima Fakih." It's an article that, mind you, is about 90% packed with quotes enthusiastically supporting Fakih, but also includes mention of the 2007 "Stripper 101" radio contest at which the "new" pics were snapped.
TMZ reports that Uchitel will pose nude for Playboy, in a shoot that's set to go down three weeks from now. Maybe we shouldn't get all up in her face about it, though -- TMZ's source says she's reserved the right to pull out at any time, and that would spoil the fun.
You just laughed. You know you did. And a topic of this seriousness deserves -- you know it -- a nonscientific online poll, presented by our Division of Absolutely Accurate Statistics.
-- Christie D'Zurilla
Photos: (from left) David Boreanaz. Credit: Matt Sayles / Associated Press
Many inconveniences have set off Crowe in the past, including a hotel concierge who once declined to help him make a phone call. Now we may add another flashpoint to that list: telling Crowe he sounds Irish.
During an interview with the BBC, journalist Mark Lawson -- who certainly knows more about British regional accents than Australian-by-way-of-New Zealand Crowe -- noted that the actor sounds a bit Irish in his new film, about the legendary English hero Robin Hood.
"You've got dead ears, mate, seriously dead ears if you think there's an Irish accent," Crowe snapped.
Lawson responded by asking if Crowe had been trying for a "Northern English" inflection instead. Crowe retorted, "No, I was going for an Italian, yeah. Missed it?" The sarcasm was followed ...