So what's the torpedo of truth behind rumors Charlie Sheen has had talks about returning to "Two and a Half Men"? Much like reviews of his touring live show, it depends on who you talk to and when.
"There've been discussions" about the unemployed actor returning to the sitcom run by the people who just fired him, Sheen said Wednesday on Boston radio, "but I was asked not to divulge anything." According to Sheen's attorney, those discussions were held as recently as Tuesday, Show Tracker reports.
Warner Bros., however, begged to disagree. And they begged to disagree in a letter from attorney to attorney, reminding Team Sheen for the record that "there have been no discussions, there are no discussions and there will be no discussions, regarding his returning to or having any involvement with the series," according to the document obtained by TMZ.
Coincidentally, in the wake of Catherine Zeta-Jones' admission Wednesday that she recently sought treatment for bipolar II disorder, Sheen on Friday tweeted vigorously about a bipolar-disorder walk he'd organized to raise awareness and money. Fans were invited to stroll with him from his Toronto hotel to Massey Hall, the site of Friday's show, and urged to donate.
"Stop the Stigma!! ... #BIPOLAR #BIWINNING," said the actor, who pledged to match any donations to the Canadian group OBAD, the Organization for Bipolar Affective Disorder.
The bi-winner has definitely been up and down on his My Torpedo of Truth/Defeat Is Not an Option tour. After bombing during his debut performance in Detroit, he did well in Chicago, Cleveland and Columbus, Ohio, then ate it at Radio City Music Hall on April 8, which was also the first time he reached out to Chuck Lorre about working together again "to fix 'Two and a Half Men.' " (Was the show broken? Never mind, we digress.)
Charlie Sheen was fired Monday from "Two and a Half Men," Show Tracker reports, with the production company saying only, "After careful consideration, Warner Bros. Television has terminated Charlie Sheen’s services on 'Two and a Half Men' effective immediately."
The letter of termination sent by attorney John W. Spiegel to Sheen's lawyer, however, pretty much reads like the best celebrity blog post ever, leading off with a statement likely to draw a "Duh! Winning!" response from the actor in question: "Your client has been engaged in dangerously self-destructive conduct and appears to be very ill."
TMZ has the letter, which in 11 pages of awesomeness cites the points in Sheen's contract his bosses contend he has violated, backed up by quotes out of the actor's mouth. For example, saying that he'd come back next season "but not with the turds they have in place" is cited as refusal to work under the terms of his current contract. His public celebration of cocaine use — "I was banging seven-gram rocks, and finishing them, because that's how I roll" — is included in the section mentioning the legal concept of moral turpitude.
Moral turpitude! How often do you get to use that in a sentence?
There are of course the nuts-and-bolts allegations that Sheen had missed rehearsals and can be seen in outtakes not hitting his marks and not remembering his lines — plus the dude lost about 20 pounds over the holidays. Aspen, Las Vegas, the Plaza Hotel and that "extremely public divorce from Denise Richards" made the cut, as did the two-day house party that put Mr. Tiger Blood in the hospital in January and sparked his short-lived "in-home rehab" attempt.
Warners' move was "so silly and so transparent and ... it's so juvenile," Sheen told "Access Hollywood" on Monday. "It is the work of infants. It is the work of silly infants and it's just — if this is what it had to come to, to get me out of those silly shirts, then so be it. So maybe I'll wear one, just on the final day when I go and remove all of their bazillions."
Sheen said heard the news via "a text or something. ... It's just deplorable, and they should be ashamed of themselves!”
Um, yeah, so back to the letter: Like any good blog post, it has its own "related" material attached: There are 10 pages of links to stories published since Feb. 24 — including the "Sheen's Korner" videos the actor spewed over the weekend. To which we can only say, "#Winning!"
Not shocking, given the vastness of Sheen's recent PR strafing runs, is the fact that even a 10-page list isn't long enough to capture the full extent of the mayhem: There's no mention of the "Saturday Night Live" parody "Duh! Winning! With Charlie Sheen," and we were saddened to find the Ministry's coverage missing from the fun. In the interest of boosting your personal turpitude level, we've included those links below, along with the "SNL" video."
As for the interview remix at the top — try getting that out of your head.
Jon Cryer stopped by Conan O’Brien’s show Wednesday night to chat about his "Two and a Half Men" costar Charlie Sheen. And given Thursday's news about Sheen being taken to the hospital in the early hours, we wonder what he might have known that he wasn't spilling.
"I'm checking TMZ, as I do every day, to check if I have to go to work at all," Cryer quipped.
O'Brien, whose talk show shares the Warner Bros. lot with Cryer's CBS comedy, cut to the chase to ask about the pesky cameras he sees stalking Sheen whenever the bad boy goes on a bender. And Cryer, the typically mum Emmy winner, took the opportunity to poke fun at his costar's recent run of car troubles.
"I said, 'How ya doing, man?' and he said, 'I'm doing OK, except that somebody stole my car and ran it off a cliff last night,'" Cryer said, regarding their morning-after chat.
"And normally you would not believe that from somebody. But from Charlie Sheen: You believe that because that happened to him. Twice!"
Maybe save this one for lunch, because it's rather
meaty (with a little bit of profanity along the way, mind you), but
it's a good read whether or not you like David Letterman. It's not so much that there's ground-breaking, gasp-inducing scoop, but rather that the mag strings together story to date and slops on a heaping helping of context. Just the thing if you've been asking yourself, "How in the world could he screw up like that?" Or even, "Wait, Letterman ... did ... wha...??"
Hat tip to the Morning Fix on the Company Town blog, which always has an eye open behind the entertainment scenes.