Michael Lohan: No contest means no jail in domestic violence case

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Michael Lohan pleaded no contest Wednesday to domestic violence charges against Kate Major, and in trade for the plea got sentenced in a Florida court to two years’ probation, four months in a residential treatment facility, a domestic-violence intervention program and no contact at all with his ex-girlfriend.

That’s right -- no jail. Unless, of course, he messes up while on probation. Which, given that he’s a Lohan, wouldn’t seem impossible.

Judge Nick Nazaretian, who at one point had scolded Lohan for acting like a child, explained that when it came to seeing Major, ‘No contact is nothing. Zero. Minus zero.’ The 51-year-old told the judge it was no problem staying away from his former fiancee. ‘My hand has been bit too many times,’ he said.

Then again, Lohan acted like he understood when a different judge told him in October that he’d be in trouble if he even ‘dreamed about’ his ex -- mere days before his rearrest for contacting her. That, of course, was the time he hurt his foot when he attempted to jump from his balcony to a tree, allegedly to avoid the police at his door.

‘I think he needs help,” 29-year-old Major told the court in Hillsborough County, Fla. ‘Keeping him in jail would be hurting him more.’ Lohan, initially arrested in Florida on Oct. 25, has been behind bars since the tree-jumping incident on Oct. 27.

She also brought up another incarceration-challenged Lohan. ‘It’s my birthday today,’ Major told Nazaretian. ‘A year ago, we were worried about Lindsay.’

Replied the judge: ‘I’m not sure who that is.’

Ah, perspective.

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-- Christie D’Zurilla
twitter.com/dzurillaville

The Associated Press contributed to this report.

Photo: Michael Lohan looks into the gallery in a Hillsborough County courtroom in Tampa, Fla., on Wednesday. Credit: Andy Jones / Associated Press