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Ashton Kutcher replacing Charlie Sheen on ‘Two and a Half Men’

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Ashton Kutcher is taking the spot vacated by Charlie Sheen on ‘Two and a Half Men,’ reportedly booking the gig for a healthy salary that still represents a savings for CBS and the rest of the ‘Men’ team.

Kutcher on Wednesday tweeted the not-very-enigmatic message, ‘What’s the square root of 6.25?’ then issued a statement Friday confirming the deal.

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‘I can’t wait to get to work with this ridiculously talented 2.5 team and I believe we can fill the stage with laughter that will echo in viewers’ homes,’ Kutcher said in a statement. Saying he ‘can’t replace Charlie Sheen,’ he promised to work hard to entertain.

Kutcher’s name rose to the top of the class Thursday via Broadcasting & Cable, with the Hollywood Reporter getting confirmation from sources later that night. Word came Friday via TMZ that CBS honcho Les Moonves had blessed the decision.

Hugh Grant, who’d been negotiating with Warner Bros. for about a month, ultimately said no Tuesday night, according to Deadline Hollywood. Sources told the website that show creator Chuck Lorre wanted to move forward with ‘Men’ only ‘if he can find the right actor and get excited about that.’

Lorre on Friday described a ‘deep sigh of relief knowing that our family stays together,’ Show Tracker reported.

‘If I was any happier,’ he said, ‘it’d be illegal.’

The ‘Punk’d’ creator won’t play Charlie Harper; rather, a new character will be introduced to the story line. Makes sense, as the onetime star of ‘That ‘70s Show’ has a few less miles on him than his Vatican assassin predecessor. Sheen is 45, Kutcher is 33. Sheen is a Virgo, an earth sign; Kutcher is an Aquarius, an air sign. The @aplusk Twitter account has 774 days’ head start on @charliesheen’s effort. And as far as we know, wife Demi Moore has never accidentally shot herself while picking up Kutcher’s pants.

Word is Kutcher won’t be taking home Sheen’s base salary of $1.25 million per episode, plus more on the back end, but the numbers aren’t puny: Various outlets have put Ashton’s paycheck just shy of $1 million per show. Thank goodness the new guy comes from a two-income household, right?

Is it just us, or is Sheen looking smaller and smaller in TV’s rear-view mirror?

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Hey Charlie Sheen, how’s that whole image rehab thing working out?

-- Christie D’Zurilla

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