Donald Trump says something, and -- ha! Hollywood made you look

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As the royal wedding creeps ever closer, threatening us all with the giant fruitcake that ate London, we turn our beady eye closer to home -- to American royalty. Or the closest thing to it. Or, actually, the man who believes himself to be the closest thing to it. We speak, of course, of Donald Trump.

In recent months, Trump has uttered unto us a desire to be president. Sure, he’s a birther, but so are plenty of other bat-guano-insane Americans. In fact, one needs to look no further than this week’s headlines to realize that the man has everything it takes to snatch up the presidency. (Just bear with us here.)

First, the likelihood of Trump actually occupying the White House: For the record, the man has said he wants to be Realtor in Chief and that, yes, he’s serious about it, no matter what his hair might say on the matter. A recent poll suggests that plenty of Americans like the idea, if for no other reason than to hear him say ‘You’re fired’ in news conferences. And Trump certainly has the minimal required chops, having appeared on TV and everything.

The rest of Hollywood seems to be taking Trump seriously too. Robert De Niro, Charlie Sheen and Jerry Seinfeld have all taken shots at the Donald in the last few days, calling the real estate blowhard a terrible candidate for the White House, a king of birther bull and a car salesman.

‘It’s like a big hustle; it’s like being a car salesman,’ De Niro said. ‘Don’t go out there and say things unless you can back them up. How dare you? That’s awful to do. To just go out and speak and say these terrible things? Unless you just wanna get over and get the job. It’s crazy.’

(Bret Michaels and Gary Busey, meanwhile, have come out in favor of turning the White House into a Trump Tower.)

So why does this prove that Trump is man enough to take D.C.?

Because Hollywood is now talking about him, that’s why. The more Hollywood elites who trash Trump, the more Middle America will love him. And talk about him. And boost him in straw polls. And require people like us to talk about the polls and -- gah! See? It never ends! If you readers really want Trump to go away, let this be the last article we write about him. Otherwise, you just might be seeing the Donald at the Republican National Convention -- capable contender or not.

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-- Leslie Gornstein