Charlie Sheen walks, talks, gets called out by ‘Two and a Half Men’ lawyer

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So what’s the torpedo of truth behind rumors Charlie Sheen has had talks about returning to ‘Two and a Half Men’? Much like reviews of his touring live show, it depends on who you talk to and when.

‘There’ve been discussions’ about the unemployed actor returning to the sitcom run by the people who just fired him, Sheen said Wednesday on Boston radio, ‘but I was asked not to divulge anything.’ According to Sheen’s attorney, those discussions were held as recently as Tuesday, Show Tracker reports.

Warner Bros., however, begged to disagree. And they begged to disagree in a letter from attorney to attorney, reminding Team Sheen for the record that ‘there have been no discussions, there are no discussions and there will be no discussions, regarding his returning to or having any involvement with the series,’ according to the document obtained by TMZ.

Coincidentally, in the wake of Catherine Zeta-Jones’ admission Wednesday that she recently sought treatment for bipolar II disorder, Sheen on Friday tweeted vigorously about a bipolar-disorder walk he’d organized to raise awareness and money. Fans were invited to stroll with him from his Toronto hotel to Massey Hall, the site of Friday’s show, and urged to donate.

‘Stop the Stigma!! ... #BIPOLAR #BIWINNING,’ said the actor, who pledged to match any donations to the Canadian group OBAD, the Organization for Bipolar Affective Disorder.

The bi-winner has definitely been up and down on his My Torpedo of Truth/Defeat Is Not an Option tour. After bombing during his debut performance in Detroit, he did well in Chicago, Cleveland and Columbus, Ohio, then ate it at Radio City Music Hall on April 8, which was also the first time he reached out to Chuck Lorre about working together again ‘to fix ‘Two and a Half Men.’ ‘ (Was the show broken? Never mind, we digress.)

A Boston reviewer called his Beantown show ‘a pathetic little party, filled with drunken fans, sidekick sycophants and goddess wanna-bes,’ noting it was packed but not pretty. (Sheen tweeted a photo from the stage. You decide.) Then on Thursday in Toronto, much like when he was looking at jail in Aspen, it was all about the cigarettes. Toronto gets a two-fer with another show Friday, and then it’s off to Atlantic City, Foxwoods Casino in Connecticut, then Washington, D.C., and onward, with dates booked through May 3. The former sitcom star’s show has the potential to get more interesting when he hits Vancouver on May 2, however: Another astonishingly stable Ministry favorite, Randy Quaid, on Monday offered to open for Sheen at that Canadian destination, where Quaid is now hiding out from alleged ‘Star Whackers’ and applying for citizenship with the sponsorship of his who-knew-she-was-Canadian wife, Evi.

So what do they call it when multiple train wrecks crash into each other? Dang, ‘Jersey Shore’ is already taken.

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— Christie D’Zurilla

Top photo: Charlie Sheen appears onstage at his ‘Violent Torpedo of Truth’ show at Radio City Music Hall in New York, on April 8. Credit: Charles Sykes / Associated Press.