Charlie Sheen: 'Sheen's Korner' goes live, but he sounds more like Memorex
Well, so much for the Ustream promise that Charlie Sheen would interact with his audience in an hour-long (and apparently final -- that was short-lived!) installment of "Sheen's Korner" on Tuesday night.
Sheen indeed took to the interwebs with what appeared to be a completely scripted presentation -- before you click, know it's loaded with profanity -- delivered at many points in that "formal voice" actors use when they are supposed to be doing Shakespeare or something but can't quite deliver an accent.
The man's Adonis DNA was a bit more evident, as he'd combed his hair and managed some better lighting. The lighting did, however, reveal his eyes tracking back and forth at times, giving the appearance of reading cue cards or a teleprompter.
To introduce "Sheen's Korner," the actor took ownership of classic scenes from flicks like "Apocalypse Now" and "A Few Good Men," editing them together with a few seconds from "Two and a Half Men" in which the Charlie character asks, "Do you have any idea how petty you sound right now?"
Alas, although there was much hilarity to be seen in the social stream of comments from the 57,000 or so people who watched the webcast in real time, America's most publicized self-proclaimed warlock entertained not a single question from that audience.
He did declare his termination Monday to be completely illegal, and addressed studio and network players under unfunny fake names, criticizing one "Chuck E. Cheese Ball" for his unfunny jokes and baiting him about "the drink you know you want." Additional name-calling and insults about height and success with women ensued. Charlie also incorporated the phrase "undigested hummus," which we admit we've not heard before.
Sheen cussed, he smoked a couple of cigs, he called lots of things silly and smelly. The delivery of the lines suggested someone was hearing a laugh track piped in when lines were intended to amuse.
And then it was done, though late-comers were treated to the show on a loop.
"What happened to it being an hour long?" more than one viewer asked after the webcast stopped right around the 10-minute mark.
You'll have to ask @charliesheen. Just don't expect him to answer.
-- Christie D'Zurilla
Photo: Charlie Sheen in a repeat of "Sheen's Korner" on Tuesday, accompanied by audience comments to the right. Credit: Ustream.tv