Charlie Sheen: 'Sheen's Korner' goes live, but he sounds more like Memorex

Well, so much for the Ustream promise that Charlie Sheen would interact with his audience in an hour-long (and apparently final -- that was short-lived!) installment of "Sheen's Korner" on Tuesday night. 

Sheen indeed took to the interwebs with what appeared to be a completely scripted presentation -- before you click, know it's loaded with profanity -- delivered at many points in that "formal voice" actors use when they are supposed to be doing Shakespeare or something but can't quite deliver an accent.

The man's Adonis DNA was a bit more evident, as he'd combed his hair and managed some better lighting. The lighting did, however, reveal his eyes tracking back and forth at times, giving the appearance of reading cue cards or a teleprompter.

To introduce "Sheen's Korner," the actor took ownership of classic scenes from flicks like "Apocalypse Now" and "A Few Good Men," editing them together with a few seconds from "Two and a Half Men" in which the Charlie character asks, "Do you have any idea how petty you sound right now?"

Alas, although there was much hilarity to be seen in the social stream of comments from the 57,000 or so people who watched the webcast in real time, America's most publicized self-proclaimed warlock entertained not a single question from that audience.

He did declare his termination Monday to be completely illegal, and addressed studio and network players under unfunny fake names, criticizing one "Chuck E. Cheese Ball" for his unfunny jokes and baiting him about "the drink you know you want." Additional name-calling and insults about height and success with women ensued. Charlie also incorporated the phrase "undigested hummus," which we admit we've not heard before.

Sheen cussed, he smoked a couple of cigs, he called lots of things silly and smelly. The delivery of the lines suggested someone was hearing a laugh track piped in when lines were intended to amuse.

And then it was done, though late-comers were treated to the show on a loop. 

"What happened to it being an hour long?" more than one viewer asked after the webcast stopped right around the 10-minute mark.

You'll have to ask @charliesheen. Just don't expect him to answer.

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-- Christie D'Zurilla

Photo: Charlie Sheen in a repeat of "Sheen's Korner" on Tuesday, accompanied by audience comments to the right. Credit: Ustream.tv

Comments

[T4E2112]

Anyone who encourages his webshows and his rants are empty friends. They should be making sure he keeps his mouth closed, as opposed to letting him to continue his tirades, which only serve to sink him further. He clearly needs help, not a bunch of enablers.

[Valerie]

Bored with all of this.

Next...

[charles doyle]

CHARLIE BOY....perhaps a wee 45 caliber would help relieve some of the pressure in that massive brain of yours so you could return to our level of irrational mundane simplicity, and show us the true meaning of CHARITY. Let me know if that works for you WINNER!!!!!!!!

[Ian White]

I have added Charlie to my dead pool list year 2011

[mike peters]

What Charlie is doing is the ancient greek dithyramb, and he's doing a great job at it. It's a lost art form. He should get an Emmy. I think he's single-handedly reviving the dithyramb, I hope others take it up and rebel against the oppression that weighs us all down.

[K]

Why isn't he dead yet?

[ivan]

come clean carlos estevez, admit you are a hopeless drug addict, a lying cheating husband and a complete drunk... before it is too late!

[Sue Schafer]

Note to Chuck Lorre: Forget Charlie Sheen. Move on. Poetic justice for Two and a Half Men's continuing story linewould have Charlie Harper sued by a ball busting woman for sexual harrassment. Mila Kunis would be the perfect balance of sarcasm, drop dead gorgeous and undercurrent of evil. Said woman would get the deed to the house on the beach and Alan and Jake would be allowed to continue to live there only if they finally paid some rent. This new lead female and Berta would get along swimmingly and Evelyn, Rose and Judith would all remain in the picture. Ask Kathy Bates and Sharon Stone to make occasional guest appearances. Jake and Alan could undergo a sort of "scared straight" estrogen treatment. I believe American women would applaud this change.

[ChaChaheels]

This is what millions of dollars does to unstable, crackheads like Sheen? Lindsay the Loser is looking mighty sane and sober right now compare to Charlie the chump...

[patroklos]

This is an odd review. The diatribe was clearly presented in the form of a prose-poem, and Sheen's delivery and cadence drew heavily from Allen Ginsberg. The screed was well-written, entertaining, and intelligent. I was left wondering if he'd had help with the poem. If not, I must say, his writing is entertaining. The webcast was FAR more interesting and well-written than the few episodes of "Two and a Half Men" that I've seen. That being said, he does seem manic, but hey, I've been there. Plus, Charlie used the power of thought to bestow tiger's blood upon those who are not trolls. Winner!

[cshargeit]

first, i think charlie is not just sane but operating at a very high level of acuity and awareness. second, many other articles have named ace face rob lowe as his replacement. i dont think so or any other replacement i have heard. the show is permanently gored. the only answer is the answer within the answer.... jeff goldblum.

[Sarah.L]

Why is no-one encouraging him to see a therapist? Especially when it gets to the point where he ends up waving a machete around. He even admitted that he's got a loaded gun.

[phoenixandrew]

Charlie Sheen is half Britney Spears (meltdown) and half O.J. Simpson (violence to women).

[Vera]

It's ironic how things are never what they seem. Who knows if Charlie is really going over the deep end. Maybe that's what he wants everyone to think. Works out for him if they replace him and he still gets paid..sounds like a good deal to me. Another interesting piece of info is that on Two and Half Men, that mimics his real life, it isn't he that gets committed to the psyhciatric ward but his father!!!! Hmmm!