PREACH IT! The Situation is taking over our brains. Our brains!
We just read an excerpt from the Situation's new how-to book. You know, the one that helps the planet live more like the Situation. And now every times we open our yaps, we speechify like a freakin’ beach gorilla over here.
Here's an excerpt from the Situation's new self-help tome, in which we learn how to scope out the fresh threads:
If you want to bust out a deep-V that's safety-cone orange because you think that's your color, then wear the hell out of that fruity shirt so everybody in the club knows that nobody owns it like you do. ... I wear what makes me feel good because I'm at the tip of the spear — the cutting edge of fashion that's fresh to death. ... When I enter a store, I trust my eye to zero in on what's mint. That's the single most effective system I have for knowing when to pull the trigger on a purchase. If I find myself hemming and hawing, that's a clear indication that the garment in question is not destined to make my rotation. I walk away from the rack because I've failed to make a connection to those threads.
Booyah, man! Own it like you mean it! Block those grenades! Beat up that beat with the blowout that ... I have no idea what I'm saying.
But we sure will buy that safety-cone orange T-shirt if you say so, Sitch.
-- Leslie Gornstein
Photo: Mike "The Situation" knows how to bust out his threads, like he did at an event in West Hollywood on Sept. 12. Credit: David Livingston / Getty Images
Related dispatches from the Ministry of Gossip: