PREACH IT! Zsa Zsa Gabor, Act II

Whip out the false eyelashes, put on your best leopard-print stole and let the daahhhhh-links roll of your tongue, for it is time to channel our inner Zsa Zsa Gabor. Gabor has proven a more resilient paprika dumpling than the press first expected; over the last several weeks, she’s survived several near-death health scares, one of which was so dire that she even reportedly requested extreme unction.

However, the biggest pain in Gabor’s life seems to be coming from her family.

In one corner: Francesca Hilton, Gabor’s sometimes-estranged daughter. In the other: the actress' German husband, Frederic von Anhalt. Hilton has blasted Von Anhalt, accusing him of using Gabor's precarious situation to stage publicity stunts.

"Francesca is not pleased with ... the care of her mother," read a statement issued by Hilton earlier this week. "It is not certain what kind of care and security she is receiving. None of that seems to be in effect, especially after the circus atmosphere two weeks ago upon her return home in an unnecessary motorcade organized for the press by her husband."

Von Anhalt, for his part, insists he wants to keep things classy; he announced this week that he hopes to plasticize his wife’s body after she dies.

"My wife has always dreamed that her beauty would be immortal," Von Anhalt said. "I would like to show the plastinated body of Zsa Zsa Gabor in the context of a scene in one of her films."

In the past, Gabor has accused her daughter of fraudulently taking out a loan on the actress' home. The lawsuit was eventually thrown out.

There's a theatrical, campy quality in certain celebrities that seems to attract hinky people -- or perhaps just bring out the hinky in the otherwise upstanding. The late Michael Jackson and Gary Coleman come to mind. Like Gabor, Jackson and Coleman had a taste for showmanship that spilled into their private lives, spurring an endless chain of tabloid reports about pet monkeys and cop-slapping and satirical runs for governor and nappy times in oxygen chambers. For these Hollywood types, shady loved ones inevitably end up in the mix.

Let's just hope this particular drama doesn't end with a hard-shellacked Zsa Zsa Gabor.

-- Leslie Gornstein

Photo: Zsa Zsa Gabor, left, and Francesca Hilton in an undated photo. Credit: Courtesy of Francesca Hilton

Related dispatches from the Ministry of Gossip:

Zsa Zsa Gabor rushed back to hospital [Update: Condition not life-threatening]

Zsa Zsa Gabor's condition uncertain as daughter contradicts husband

First Lady Zsa Zsa Gabor? Her husband the prince is running for California governor

Prince Frederic von Anhalt, why have you forsaken us???

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Comments

[Gilda]

This man is grotesque. He wants to live off Zsa Zsa even after she passes. Makes me sick.

[Hasselhoff]

I don't think plastination will work, Prince Frederic. After she passes, you need to get a facelift and a skin resurfacing done quickly - before rigor mortis sets in. Then the only thing that's going to preserve her well will be pickling in formaldehyde. Believe me, I know about this. Check out the photos online of pickled sheep and cows in glass cases by the British artist Damien Hirst. You may need to modify your Rolls-Royce to accommodate the glass case as you troll around West Hollywood with pickled Zsa-Zsa in the back seat, but believe me it will all be worth it for the amount of attention you'll attract. That will allow you to get your "Make Me A Princess" show off the ground and you'll be set up financially for life.

[Brett]

The man bought his "title" in an attempt to become "royalty." Though he's been married to Gabor, he notoriously claimed that he could have been the father of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter (a claim later negated by the DNA test that established Larry Birkhead as the father). He has "adopted" several adult men, bestowing upon them the name of "Prinz," which would be a criminal offense in his native Germany.

[karen]

What a sick man this is leave our zsa zsa alone she is an icon and fin well you know you are nothing without her why can her daughter hep?

stay well zsa zsa