Lawsuit allegations: Naked Britney Spears wants her Slurpee! Now! [Poll]

Britney Spears likes being naked, and having sex in front of people, and having sex where her kids can hear it, and being loud when she's having sex where her kids can hear it -- at least that's what one former part-time security guard is alleging in a lawsuit filed Wednesday in Los Angeles County Superior Court.

Kevin Federline and the Los Angeles County Department of Child and Family Services, however, beg to disagree -- as did Britney in a statement Thursday on her website.

"Ms. Spears and her attorneys have every expectation that this matter will be dismissed by the courts," the statement said.

Fernando Flores is suing Spears and his direct employer, Advanced Security Concepts Corp., for sexual harassment and intentional infliction of emotional distress, seeking unspecified damages. He alleged a few months ago that Brit is a lousy, dangerous mother who beats her kids and feeds them food they're allergic to, though the Department of Child and Family Services investigated and decided that the kids were just fine.

Federline, Spears' ex and the father of Sean Preston and Jayden James -- and who also has custody of the kiddos -- "is satisfied that the allegations are a product of economic motives," his attorney told the Associated Press. "They are as baseless as they seem." In other words, if his kids were in danger, he would've done something about it already, the lawyer said.

Another shocking accusation in the lawsuit -- and one that hits particularly close to home ...

... for connoisseurs of all things sweet, chilly and brightly colored -- involves a trip to the movies, a request by the pop star for a slurpable frozen beverage, the news that arrival of said beverage would take 15 minutes, and a LOT OF SCREAMING WHEN THAT HORRIBLE NEWS WAS DELIVERED. The screaming is alleged to be along the lines of "I'd like my gosh darn Slurpee right now thank you very much kind, sir, if you'd like to keep your job," only with more cussing.

(The Ministry is shocked that the alleged outburst, reported to have occurred at the Arclight theater in Hollywood, was not captured on cellphone video by someone, anyone, and immediately uploaded -- much like Federline's attorney noted Flores' lawsuit had been, in advance of it being filed.)

Flores was hired in February and lasted only a few months in the job; on July 1 he filed a complaint with the state's Department of Fair Employment and Housing, requesting the right to sue.

-- Christie D'Zurilla

Photo: Britney Spears at the Teen Choice Awards on Aug. 9, 2009, in Universal City. Credit: Matt Sayles / Associated Press

Related dispatches from the Ministry of Gossip:

Britney Spears goes anime as Lady Gaga takes Brit's Twitter crown

Britney Spears tweets her 'Glee' -- literally

Courtney Love plus Britney Spears equals Lady Gaga?

Britney Spears discusses the birds and the bees (or not)

Britney Spears releases untouched photos, reveals slightly bigger tush and...bruised legs?

Comments

[bobcarp]

Is this a joke? Some guy is suing because he had to see Britney Spears naked? And what does a sexual harassment suit have to do with her being not so great a mother? I agree she’s probably not the “Mother of the Year” but what does that have to do with sexual harassment?

[Eve]

I can't see how this man has a case. It's his word against hers - please.

And what kind of candy pants is he anyways?
A bodyguard? Really?

Seems the only crime here is Spears' lack of common sense in hiring this guy in the first place. Even if there were sexual advances and that he wanted no part of, what kind of "man" would claim he was damaged by it?

I wish him the best of luck in his "bodyguard career" - he'll need it! LOL!
Not only can he NOT be trusted, he has issues.

[Britton]

I'd be glad to be her body guard. Trust me I would not complain. I'd get her as many Slurpees as she wanted, when ever she wanted as often as she wanted.