PREACH IT! What will it take for you to feel sorry for Heidi Montag?

Poor, poor Heidi Montag. First she announces she’s getting an un-divorce. Then her plastic surgeon dies. And now, in her own words, she feels "trapped" in her "own body."

Her jailers are, apparently, the G-cup breasts she chose during her recent round of 10 plastic surgeries. Now she wants freedom, forthwith, from the twin torturers who keep her trapped in the purgatory of custom-made clothing, and who allow her to hug her dogs only with great awkwardness.

"I'm desperate to go back to normal," Montag, 23, tells Life and Style, which touts her 12 surgeries, but really, who's counting? "I'm downgrading and going a little smaller, to a D or a double D."

Montag is also keen to let the world know about her pain, and we don’t mean the psychological hell of being married to -- or pseudo-divorced from, or whatever you call it this week -- a guy like Spencer Pratt.

"I was taking painkillers but they weren't working so I stopped," she tells L&S. "It hurt either way."

What's truly amazing about Montag isn't this particular news, of course, but rather her ongoing ability to create news of any kind. Usually, celebrity stories tend to dry up after a marriage, divorce or staged divorce.

But Montag, bless her, continues to engineer her own headlines, week after week. If her celebrity ever does truly run out, she certainly has a promising future as a Hollywood publicist.

-- Leslie Gornstein

Photo: Was Heidi Montag's life really less painful, or more normal, before she had the ginormous bosoms tacked on? Really? Witness this promotional Montag-Spencer Pratt-Rod Blagojevich lineup from "I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here." Credit: Paul Drinkwater / NBC

Comments

[Sharon Ann]

I think there are a few actresses and actors who are so over-rated. One of course is "Julia Roberts". She isn't a bad actress but come on, I think others such as "Kelly Ripa" is a darn good actress! She has to make Regis look like he isn't dead everyday for an hour M-F on live TV.

Now that is an acting

And don't get me started on "Russel Crowe"! Why doesn't hollywood put surveys out there to ask John Q Public who they would like to star in movies?

[Clare]

I would feel sorry for her if she was in a menage a trois with Spencer and Blago. No wait -- no I wouldn't.

[xicanoboy1331]

Forgive me...who are these people?

[K]

Isn't this fun? Reading non-stories about fake people whose only apparent "talent" is generating non-stories.

The "reality" (I use the term extremely loosely) show era has created a whole new population of non-acting celebrities. I don't count Paris Hilton with this group because although she definitely cannot act, she came from money and was a celebrity -- or "celebutante" -- before she ever did a reality show simply because of her last name.

But the rest of them, especially Montag and Pratt, are little more than publicity whores. Whether any of them can in fact act is questionable, and largely irrelevant. Point is, they keep the paparazzi and bloggers in jobs.

[Jeff K.]

" I think others such as "Kelly Ripa" is a darn good actress!"

Oooh...sorry, but you lost me there. You started off okay, but I stopped reading after that word salad of silliness.