PREACH IT! Still feeling sorry for Lindsay Lohan? Knock it off already

Yep, Lindsay Lohan is sad, all right. First she got in trouble for her DUI-slash-probation-violation. (Well, no, first Lindsay had to grow up with Dina and Michael Lohan, but we have to start somewhere.) Then she ran up against a judge who was not amused by Lohan’s version of reality. Then Lohan had to wear that ugly ankle bracelet around, and her lawyer stone-cold stepped, and now the actress has to go to jail. And she can’t go to jail! She just can’t, is all! Says her mom, that’s who!

But if you’re familiar with the intricacies of celebrity jailhouse math -- and we are -- you know that Lohan may not be in as much dire peril as originally feared. Judge Marsha Revel has handed down a 90-day jail sentence for Lohan. But according to our Division of Absolutely Accurate Statistics -- and a book penned by, why, yes, me! -- don’t be shocked if Lohan actually spends much less time in the slammer. And yes, we mean even less time than an ordinary person would spend with time off for good behavior.

Behold, our jailhouse math: A nonfamous convict sent to a Los Angeles County jail generally serves ...

... roughly 10% of his or her sentence; you may thank overcrowding for that. However, recent field studies published in "The A-List Playbook" indicate that celebrities have it even easier.

By way of example: Nicole Richie. She was once sentenced to four days in the hoosegow stemming from DUI-related drama. That’s 96 hours. Ten percent of 96 is 9.6 hours, or 576 minutes. Richie stayed in jail for all of 86 minutes.

By way of another example: An earlier iteration of Lindsay Lohan herself. She was once sentenced to 24 hours for DUI-related charges. Ten percent of that: 2.4 hours. The reality: 84 minutes.

Precisely how much time will Lohan do this time around? Could it be the whole darned thing? Maybe we should start a betting pool. Or maybe you just tell us what your guess is, in the comments section below.

-- Leslie Gornstein

Photo: Lindsay Lohan in court on July 6. Credit: David McNew / EPA / Pool.

Related dispatches from the Ministry of Gossip:

Stephanie Pratt on Lindsay Lohan, the end of 'The Hills'

Report: Lindsay Lohan's lawyer Shawn Chapman Holley calls it quits

Lindsay Lohan's middle finger tells the judge what she really thinks [poll]

Comments

[misa]

She may spend a day in jail.

[Jean]

Still gossiping and writing about Lindsay Lohan? Knock it off. We're all sick of it.

[CDZ from the Ministry]

@Jean -- Christie D'Zurilla here from the blog.

Thanks for taking the time to read about Lindsay and comment!

//cdz

[george]

I'm not sick of this story, everyday is something new an funny. Harsh sentence

[rocknrick]

The old saying mney talks bs walks works here. They get secial treatment because they pay off everone involved and walks scot free in now time then want a million for the sob story.

[Janet Detwiler]

It's not about feeling sorry for Lindsay Lohan. It's about feeling bewildered by and sorry for people who kick people, any people, when they are down. DAMN...pro or con on Lindsay, your opinion is worthless. Get a life.

[Mathamaticion]

Take 90, subtract Michelle Rodrigues at 180 days but doing 17, add Paris Hilton getting 45 and doing 23, take into account even more over population being LA and Lindsay being a non violent criminal needing a private cell. My guess is 4 days. Love it, 4 days and her first interview after will be for over $1M. My monitary guess on her incarceration stay equals cha-ching! Can you fathom $250K per day just for one interview?

[Jean]

Christie I didn't read the article. Why would I? I just wanted to make my comment after seeing the blogs horrible headline on Google news home page. If you think that hurting people by spreading gossip is a good way to make a living then I feel sorry for you. My reaction and reading a headline does not condone nor support your writing and/or blogging gossip abut Ms. Lohan or any other human being for that matter, famous or not. Step into someone else's shoes. How would you feel?
She has now become a product of the horrible gossip spread about her since she was a teenager by people like you. Maybe you should take some responsibility for your judgmental attitude and hope that your life is not, one day, spread across the newspapers and internet. You do know what Karma is, I presume.

[CDZ from the Ministry]

@Jean -- Like I said, thanks for taking time to comment, and to come back and visit the blog again.

Sorry you didn't read the article (not written by me, incidentally). Maybe next time? It has some interesting information in it about how much time celebrities spend in jail in L.A. compared with average time served by non-celebs.

//cdz

[Sephiroth]

Lindsay Lohan is very lucky to get only 90 days I donno why she's crying about it, if a guy did what she did, he would get prolly a year or so jail/prison time.

[Jeff]

I figure she'll net 30 days. As impertinent and rude as she has been to the judge, and, for that matter, to society at large for her whining and her actions/statements, it's what she deserves.

[K]

I'm guessing a week, give or take. As so many have already pointed out, Lohan is a non-violent offender and LA jails suffer from ridiculous overcrowding already.

[windrider2]

According to Daddy Michael, LiLo is still convinced that she's not going to jail at all. The sooner they discharge her, the sooner she can get back to her primary business of committing suicide on the installment plan, one or two pills at a time. And once LiLo is dead and her mom has blamed everyone but herself, then Ali can start the same downward spiral; after all, Dina handed Ali over to LiLo to be raised in the proper ways of drinking, drugging and clubbing. This is such a very sick family and I don't think Lindsay ever stood a chance of growing up healthy and sane. It is yet one more American tragedy out of millions.