PREACH IT! Dear Prince: You are beautiful. Love, Prince.

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Dear Prince:

Hey, you scarcely human orchid of a human being, it’s me. You know, Prince.

I miss you, baby. I want to light candles and cradle your head, so great is my love for my beautiful one. Why don’t you return my calls? I ring you and ring you and it goes straight to voice mail.

And you can’t say I’m not persistent, because I keep on letting it ring even while my call waiting is going off the whole time. And then I check my voice mail, and you’ve always called me back, like, right away, but it’s not the same thing as talking to you live, baby. I think you know that.

Now your stone cold coldness has driven me to extreme measures. I’m putting your divine image on every single one of my outfits until you return my calls. It’s called true love. Deal with it.

J’adore,

Prince

-- Leslie Gornstein

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