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Hey judge, Lindsay Lohan might be late coming back from France. Little passport problem? [updated]

May 19, 2010 |  3:37 pm

Lilo-cannes-web If nothing else, we are impressed with the epic chaos inherent in Lindsay Lohan's latest wacky adventure.

Lohan says she has no passport anymore, TMZ reports, alleging it was stolen during her whirlwind visit to Cannes, where she went because it was absolutely totally important to promote -- wait, was it the Linda Lovelace movie that's not in production yet? Or her clothing line? Or was it just to hang out?

No matter -- no passport would, of course, mean there'd be no way she could fly home in time for her scheduled 8:30 a.m. court appearance Thursday. She tried her darnedest (of course she tried, because isn't your picture in the tabs just as good as your picture on a passport?), but some people who were no fun at all apparently turned her away at the airport.

[Updated, 5:01 p.m.: Lohan tells Gossip Cop that she suspects it was an inside job orchestrated by her father, Michael Lohan, and notes that flights out after she's expecting to get her replacement are all booked up.]

Her lawyer tells TMZ that "everything we can" -- like setting up an appointment at the U.S. Embassy -- is being done to remedy things. But then an embassy official tells Radar Online that, although the passport has been reported stolen, no replacement has been requested? Well, perhaps that's what the appointment is for.

Granted, it's hard to hold on to things like official documents when you're busy overseas at a Belvedere vodka party right before your meeting with a judge about your possibly slipshod attendance at alcohol education classes. But, all in all, at this point we'd rather be the guy who lost the iPhone.

Perhaps Roman Polanski will offer her a guest room at his chalet while she's stuck in Europe? Maybe some travel tips? 

"This was not a planned scheme," mom Dina Lohan tells Radar.

And, you know, that actually makes a certain kind of sense. If anyone can see actual "planning" here, more power to them. 

-- Christie D'Zurilla

Photo: Seriously, where would *you* keep a passport? The judge in L.A. will surely understand, or face accusations of being an international party pooper. Lindsay Lohan arrives for the Chopard 150th anniversary party at Cannes on Monday. Credit: Matt Sayles / Associated Press.

Related dispatches from the Ministry of Gossip:

PREACH IT! Yes, Lindsay Lohan has a job and you don't. Get over it.

Lindsay Lohan gunning for role as 'Deep Throat' diva? [poll]

Has Lindsay Lohan violated her probation? That might mean jail

PREACH IT! There are no words to describe the Lohan mess. Or are there?

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