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PREACH IT! A Mueller-Sheen divorce? Gird your loins!

March 1, 2010 |  4:44 pm
Sheen mueller2 New rumors are bubbling to the crusty, slimy surface of the whole Charlie Sheen mess. We already know that Sheen faces charges in Colorado -- allegations that he did some domestic violence on That Lady He Married, including holding a knife to her throat. Now, it seems, Sheen’s wife, also known as Brooke Mueller, wants a divorce as soon as the criminal court matters get tidied up.

Sheen’s past includes rehab, fun with injecting cocaine, the accidental shooting of a former fiancee and other drama. Mueller, for her part, reportedly has a substance abuse problem as well, a problem that has apparently landed her in rehab at least five times.

If these two do go through with a divorce, it’s likely to be the biggest celebrity Ragnarok in quite a while.

How big exactly? Let’s take a look at the marital cage matches we’ve seen thus far, and how they might stack up to a Mueller-Sheen matchup:

Mccartney mills Paul McCartney and Heather Mills. What a doozie. Mills accused the Beatle of being physically and emotionally abusive. She also asked for about $187 million in the divorce; Paul countered with something closer to $24 million. She ended up with about $36 million plus alimony, but not before a dragged-out hearing that involved Mills pouring a jug of water over the head of McCartney’s lawyer.

Sheen richardsCharlie Sheen and Denise Richards. Richards was still pregnant with the couple’s second daughter in 2005 when she filed for divorce, saying Sheen had abused drugs and threatened her with violence. There was also a nasty custody dispute over the two kids, but the exes eventually made peace.

Pamela bach The Hoff and Pamela Bach. After seven years of marital bliss, a file was leaked involving the couple’s divorce arguments. In the documents, David Hasselhoff alleged that Bach had tested positive for cocaine, and that she was drunk at their daughter’s Sweet 16 in May 2005. For her part, Bach insisted the Hoff got physical with her.

Baldwin basinger Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin. Since their divorce was finalized in 2002, the two have squabbled over custody of daughter Ireland. The bitterness between the ex-couple was highlighted in 2007, when a voice mail from Baldwin to his daughter was leaked. The message called Ireland a “thoughtless little pig” and also unleashed some choice, non-family-friendly words against Basinger.

Gest minnelli Liza Minnelli and David Gest. After less than two years of marriage, Gest sued Minnelli for $10 million, saying she’d been violent with him during their union -- and that was before anybody filed for divorce. Minnelli denied the accusations; instead she shot back by claiming that Gest was a manipulative clean freak who had stolen $2 million from her bank account; he also, she insisted, tried to poison her. Gest countered by saying Minnelli tried to give him herpes. The ex-couple settled their legal differences in New York’s supreme court in 2007.

-- Leslie Gornstein

Photos: Sure, it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye -- or calls the cops, or demands millions, or makes public statements about herpes. From the top: Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller; Paul McCartney and Heather Mills; Sheen and Denise Richards; Pamela Bach and her attorney Debra Opri, left; Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger; and David Gest and Liza Minnelli. Credits, from top: Kevork Djansezian / Associated Press; Joe Dunne / Getty Images;  Paul Skipper / Associated Press; Nick Ut / Associated Press; Stan Honda / AFP; Claudio Onorati / AFP.

Not enough Preach It! for you? Click here and scroll down for more. Schadenfreude much? Click here for celebrity divorce dish. Or maybe you just feel like reading about Adam Lambert, Tila Tequila or maybe John Mayer.

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