PREACH IT! Don't look directly at Kristen Stewart! You'll turn to sad!

It would seem that spring has sprung! The sun is shining. Birds and squirrels are leaping around. Easter catalogs featuring pastel-colored pastry crimpers have arrived on our doorsteps.

And hey, look, it’s Kristen Stewart, out promoting her new movie, "The Runaways"! She’s turning toward the camera! She’s ...

Hey, what happened to the sun? Mr. Squirrel, why are you lying there so still and stiff? Can you hear us? Why is everything suddenly so gray and sad?

Kristen Stewart remains one of the few Hollywood megastars -- if not the only one -- who simply cannot, or will not, express happiness in being here. In general, her red carpet expressions tend to fall somewhere between utterly miserable and I-think-I’m-lost-can-anybody-point-me-to-the-Dashboard-Confessional-concert. And even the Oscars didn’t seem blow away Stewart’s custom-made shroud of misery.

We’ve dug far and wide in our Ministry of Gossip Department of Official-Looking Photos, seeking red carpet shots of a beaming Stewart, a poised Stewart, or even a just a Stewart who doesn’t look as if she wants to crawl into a soggy hole and cry. We found these instead.

We’ve heard the excuses from besotted fans: She’s just shy; she’s just that down-to-earth; she really, really doesn’t care about the Hollywood spin machine. And, to be fair, there’s also a whiff of sexism in wanting a starlet to merely sit still, follow the rules and smile pretty for America. We get all that, and good for her.

But not caring about the Hollywood spin machine doesn’t mean spitting into its cogs and sprockets either. There’s a balance. Right Mr. Squirrel? Uh, Mr. Squirrel?

-- Leslie Gornstein

Photos: Mr. Squirrel, left, doesn't quite know what to think. He just knows the sky doesn't look quite as sunny as it did before he clicked. Up top, from left, Kristen Stewart at the Oscars, the New York premiere of "The Runaways" and the New York premiere of "Remember Me." Middle row, from left, KStew at the Hollywood premiere of "The Runaways," winning woman of the year at the Elle Style Awards, and winning the Orange Rising Star honor at the BAFTAs. Yay. Credits: top row, from left, by Chris Pizzello / Associated Press; Bryan Bedder / Getty Images; Michael Loccisano / Getty Images); middle row, from left, by Frazer Harrison / Getty Images); Gareth Cattermole / Getty Images; Ian Gavan / Getty Images; bottom photo of Mr. Squirrel by Myung J. Chun / Los Angeles Times.

Related dispatches from the Ministry of Gossip:

'The Runaways' gets its New York red carpet premiere

Kristen Stewart, Dakota Fanning debut 'The Runaways' in Hollywood

Jodie Foster wants to teach Kristen Stewart a thing or two

'New Moon' mistake: Chris Weitz on his biggest regret (it's an RPattz and KJStew scene!)

Start here and keep clicking for the Ministry's "5 Days of 'The Runaways'" coverage.

Comments

[Eric]

That is why she is so much intriguing and maddening. She is also normal. Yes , she does smile for some time until she stops. That is normal. Not only you force the young girl into skimpy attire, high heels, you want them to put their hands on their hips and smile for hours or whatever time you have, there is plenty of smiling pictures of our beloved Kristen . For more smile- why do not follow Kate Hudson. ?She is always half naked and SMILES ALL THE TIME . Sickening. Well, Kristen for some men

[har, har]

She's actually smiling in half the photos you posted, a closed-mouth smile is still a smile.

[Maria]

oh boy. this is the worst article. Kristen smiles ALOT. These are just unfair and selected photos. If you could actually research things properly & fairly you would find out that Kristen did smile loads at all the events shown in photos above. Just because you don't like her as a person or what she does doesn't mean you can be unprofessional and mean-spirited towards her. Jealous much?

[Anonymous]

Its funny how the person who wrote this just chose the picutres where she wasnt smiling. Seriously, out of all those pictures you chose, I can tell you right now that there are pictures of her smiling at those events. Stop picking on her, dont you have anything better to do with your life then make stupid hate posts about someone you dont know?

[Laura]

How BIASED! You only chose the pictures where she is NOT smiling, when she does in fact smile in pictures! Where are THOSE pictures? Oh right, you didn't post them since it didn't prove your asinine point for your article. Great reporting. I'm expecting a Pulitzer for you any day now. Mr. Squirrel can present it to you.

[Haley]

Why must you choose only the photos of her not smiling there are plenty of pics of her smiling?!?!?!? She does smile..she has a beautiful smile!!!!!

[KStew Fan]

Umm, seriously, Why are you using the pictures where Kristen isn't Smiling?!?! There are like a BILLION pics of her smiling and having a good time!!!

[Sjenea20]

You might want to hop over to Socialite Life and look at their photo gallery of Kristen Stewart. They have lots of photos of her smiling. But I guess if I was writing a biased piece on someone who doesn't smile, I would only use pictures where the person isn't smiling.

[K]

Way to pick out the few photos she isn't beaming in, LA Times. I personally don't know anyone who gives a megawatt smile the entire time they're at an event. It's not natural. However, continue looking through the various and multiple pictures where she IS smiling. Then perhaps you can post those, if you are desperate to see her smile.

[Rachael]

Perfect proof of how manipulative the media can be. Out of the 100's of images out there of Kristen Stewart at these events you choose the ones where she's not smiling. Bravo, I applaud your bias view of the world. Really you should be proud.

I would like to see how well you would manage with keeping a smile on your face every single second with hundreds of camera's flashing, not to mention people yelling at you.

[K]

Way to pick out the few photos she isn't beaming in, LA Times. I personally don't know anyone who gives a megawatt smile the entire time they're at an event. It's not natural. However, continue looking through the various and multiple pictures where she IS smiling. Then perhaps you can post those, if you are desperate to see her smile.

[Puaena]

If I can find pics of her smiling at those same events, then I am sure someone with more access to photos could also find them. But finding pics of Kristen smiling doesn't fit the 'she's-so-gloomy' narrative that Ms Gornstein wants to peddle that, at this point, has nothing to do with Ms Stewart at all. While Ms Stewart was glowing and smiling beautiful on the Oscar RC, Ms Gornstein (aka AnswerBitch at eonline) was tweeting that Ms Stewart arrived with her 'shroud of misery'. Problem is that she didn't look miserable at all. Nervous and awed, yes. But shrouded in misery? No. She was smiling and joking in many photos and videos. Obviously Ms Gornstein has a bias about Ms Stewart and cherrypicks photos to feed the bias. Too bad it is getting old and obvious.

[Matt]

Everyone of these events from which you used pictures includes multiple pictures of Kristen smiling. You're a newspaper right? All I have to do is go to any Kristen Stewart Fan Site and find the smiling images. And you can't do that? That's not Kristen's fault - that's you're own incompetence.

[crmomof2]

Kristen has been seen smiling continuously lately. She looks like she's been really enjoying herself. Where have you been? Living under rock pretending to be part of this world. This girl has been beaming lately...you just decided to select the photos where she is not smiling to prove your point...even though you point is flawed.

[lola]

funny, leslie, that at each of those events, there's a bunch of smiley face kristen pictures. But you, like most of the media, pick the cranky ones. You know why? Cause that's how you sell her basically, she's gotten the "cranky emo" tag, and that's how you all make faux stories about her when there are none. Twihards will click, and twicritics will click to watch you criticize that twilight girl. You get double the hits, and voila. Mission accomplished.

[malie]

She smiles, but what would you write about with a smiley face photo? Nothing. So you pick the ones where she's not smiling, and then you don't even have to bother writing an article-it will write itself: "Look at the ungrateful Kristen, pouting again!" God, this gets really old.