John Mayer in Rolling Stone: Not over Jennifer Aniston, but an innovator in masturbation

John Mayer, my favorite self-loathing-inducing crush, is at it again!

The handsome crooner continues to mystify me with his existential issues, as expressed in the latest Rolling Stone magazine. His lingering feelings over Jennifer Aniston, gains in the masturbation department and search for the perfect female anatomy are all discussed.

His quotes are not for the faint of heart. There are, however, more delicious shots (after the jump) from his photo spread, shot by Mark Seliger.

Consider yourself warned.

“I am the new generation of masturbator ... ," Mayer tells writer Erik Hedegaard. "I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating."

So when would be a good time to call? Maybe never. "It’s like a hot whirlpool for my brain, in a brain space that is 100% agreeable with itself."

What's not so agreeable is the emotional shrapnel still lodged in Mayer from his split with Aniston.

"I’ve never really gotten over it,"  he said of their final parting. "It was one of the worst times of my life."

He's still hopeful for a life partner, but she's got to have something special: what he calls the "Joshua Tree" of lady bits. And by this he means girl parts that he could feasibly "pitch a tent on and just camp out on for, like, a weekend."

Do I even have to ask you to comment? Maybe you should -- below.

-- Matt Donnelly

Top photo: John Mayer contemplates much in his clean white safe space. Credit: Mark Seliger for Rolling Stone

Photo: It seems espresso has gotten the best of John Mayer's shirt. Credit: Mark Seliger for Rolling Stone 

Photo: John Mayer looks askew. We wish were in his line of sight. Credit: Mark Seliger for Rolling Stone

Photo: John Mayer on the cover of Rolling Stone. Credit: Mark Seliger

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Comments

[BJ]

Wanker. Total wanker....

[micah jones]

here is what I really don't get? Why hate the person? What do you care? I mean I can understand not liking his music and actually criticizing that, but what does his personal life mean to the rest of you. Don't read it. No one is making you. I can understand making legitimate commentary on his music, but so what if he's a screw up sometimes. It doesn't matter unless he's your role model for morality, in which case you have a problem, or rather multiple problems. All you can expect the man to do well is sing and play guitar because he's just a musician.

[dee]

what I want to know is why did john tattoo his arm with bathroom wallpaper from the 1980's?

[Toshikotsu]

okay first off, if you aren't a musician or even remotely musically inclined then back off, you obviously don't know how tiresome it is to come up with a hit, much less an entire album. You shouldn't critique something or someone that you know hardly anything about. Next, masturbation? Really? losing your appetite, how old are you? twelve? Can't you be mature about the topic and not act like someone who would scream hearing the word penis. FInally all the people who are hating on the rolling stones, unless you don't want them to post what they're actually getting from celebrities then don't complain. They're just giving the readers what they get from the celebs, calm down... honestly.

[Emma]

I love John Mayer. He may act like an ass sometimes but he's just being honest! He's a fantastic musician and he deserves everything he's gotten in his life to this point because he earned it! Give the guy a chance.