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John Mayer in Rolling Stone: Not over Jennifer Aniston, but an innovator in masturbation


John Mayer, my favorite self-loathing-inducing crush, is at it again!

The handsome crooner continues to mystify me with his existential issues, as expressed in the latest Rolling Stone magazine. His lingering feelings over Jennifer Aniston, gains in the masturbation department and search for the perfect female anatomy are all discussed.

His quotes are not for the faint of heart. There are, however, more delicious shots (after the jump) from his photo spread, shot by Mark Seliger.

Consider yourself warned.

“I am the new generation of masturbator ... ," Mayer tells writer Erik Hedegaard. "I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating."

So when would be a good time to call? Maybe never. "It’s like a hot whirlpool for my brain, in a brain space that is 100% agreeable with itself."

What's not so agreeable is the emotional shrapnel still lodged in Mayer from his split with Aniston.

"I’ve never really gotten over it,"  he said of their final parting. "It was one of the worst times of my life."

He's still hopeful for a life partner, but she's got to have something special: what he calls the "Joshua Tree" of lady bits. And by this he means girl parts that he could feasibly "pitch a tent on and just camp out on for, like, a weekend."

Do I even have to ask you to comment? Maybe you should -- below.

-- Matt Donnelly

Top photo: John Mayer contemplates much in his clean white safe space. Credit: Mark Seliger for Rolling Stone


Photo: It seems espresso has gotten the best of John Mayer's shirt. Credit: Mark Seliger for Rolling Stone 


Photo: John Mayer looks askew. We wish were in his line of sight. Credit: Mark Seliger for Rolling Stone


Photo: John Mayer on the cover of Rolling Stone. Credit: Mark Seliger

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Comments () | Archives (30)

There is probably context to his thoughts, minus the french,....but the meaty bits sell more teen mags dont they!!!?.

he really should get over himself....what a wanker

ewww....he is gross!

Sigh; more proof of the wussification of 'rock stars' and American men in general.

Really, John? I mean, really? You poor, sorry bastard. Jennifer Aniston, consider yourself the lucky one who got away.

John Mayer is a bit of a mystery. He has become a celebrity in spite of himself. Let's face it. He's only marginally talented, a musical hack of the highest order, with a creep factor off the charts. My skin crawls when I look at these photos of him. Those tattoos are god-awful and that lecherous squint of his is so off putting! This guy's suppose to be a ladies man??? Yikes!! Sorry but this guy doesn't rock-he reeks!

EWWWWW...why is he talking about masturbation? Absolutely disgusting...just made me lose my appetite. blluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuughh (the sound of projectile vomit)


And today in Haiti ...

Rolling Stone is just a really, really stupid magazine, isn't it?

To this day, I don't know what Jennifer Aniston saw in John Mayer! Come on, not everything is sex. He is too shallow and gross! Is it really necessary for him to tell everyone about his disgusting behavior, say about, masturbation? Hmm???

John Mayer attracts attention because he wants to sell himself! More money, more money...

He is AWESOME!!! What a guy!!! LOVE IT!!! LOL

Christie from the Ministry here -- just a reminder that we don't publish profanity or URLs in comments. We don't let you advertise your own band. And we also don't like name-calling that's in questionable taste (think "Summer's Eve").

So if you don't see your comment live, it's probably for one of those reasons. Or more than one, if you were particularly ambitious.


Jann Wenner has really done it this time. Hands down- the most repulsive
RS cover ever ! Besides his shinanigans as the controlling voter on
who gets in the Rock Hall ( making it a joke , and popularity contest instead);
he totally brought the white-trash tatooed freak of all time to grace the
latest issue of RS ( which I will be happy to finally cancel my subscription
for now) -John Mayer. I'm sure he has this cover blown up in his house to
enjoy too. Who cares about Mayer's masterbation habits ?? I expect this
kind of tabloid fodder in National Enquire, not in RS.
I won't be able to eat now for days.

John Mayer rocks my world. For all of you dissing him, keep in mind he'll probably masturbate to all of your comments. Lighten up Pilgrims.

Hey all, Christie here from the Ministry.

We don't publish comments with profanity.

We don't publish comments with mild profanity.

We don't publish comments that have abbreviations for profanity.

If a comment of yours hasn't been published, that's probably why. Feel free to resubmit.

Without profanity.


Rolling Stone was interesting in newspaper forum and once interviewed art and talent...just another rag sheet now...what happened to talent? Who's John Mayer? the male equalivant of Britney Spears? GGGGGGZZZZZZZZ!

Isn't it clear by now that John Mayer doesn't pick is women for their "lady bits" but for their celebrity? Whether for status, out of ego, or as a pure publicity strategy, he obviously intends to hit anything that's been on a magazine cover much, or in the tabloids a lot. This guy would do Susan Boyle if it meant coverage in Vanity Fair and a lot of airtime on E! Extra!

John Mayer is a major talent. With all the ugly, violent, sexual stories in the news and on prime time, why is anyone offended because he admits he masturbates? All you women ... your husbands and sons and boyfriends masturbate. All you men ... don't act like you don't or haven't. Jeez, this is Los Angeles. Get a grip people.

Funny how he once again starts talking about Jennifer Aniston when he has another record to release. I used to love listening to his music, but his mouth has completely turned me off. I won't be listening anymore because all i'll hear from now on, wawawaa.........Get over yourself, you jacka!

Rolling Stone Magazine. What happened?!!! I feel like I just read a story out of the National Enquirer!

First off, John is amazing. Not only is he a wonderful, gifted musician, he has heart. I'm sorry he doesn't lie to you to make you like him, like other celebrities, John speaks the truth. John is an amazing person and just because he has had many girlfriends doesn't make him a "whore" by no means. Any girl would be lucky to date him, he has soul unlike many people in this world today.

Wow....what a piece of crap he has turned out to be....So sorry to all the unlucky women that crossed this losers path...Too bad all this talent was wasted on such an hollow soul...

I hate John Mayer!

What's that tattoo of on his chest? Is that the number "77"? Maybe that is his IQ?

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