PREACH IT! I shall take you up on your kind offer, Golden Globes gift gurus, and I shall name him Bacon Bits
Time for the free “mini makeovers” and blowouts and iPods with company logos on the back and caviar facials and pedicures by girls named Roxane and bags full of champagne and shampoo with foreign-sounding names and panties decked out in Swarovski crystals and chocolate candy that none of the leading ladies would ever be to stupid as to actually eat less than one week before the Globes.
I love swag suites. Any honest celebrity reporter loves swag suites. And this year I love one swag suite in particular. Because it isn’t just giving away all the usual stuff.
Somebody is actually giving away little tiny pigs.
That’s right. At a suite this week run by gifting guru GBK Productions, Globe nominees and presenters are expected to receive swag including trips and electronics. They will also receive truffle salt and truffle oil. To highlight the truffly goodness, GBK has also partnered with a company called Patty’s Royal Dandie Miniature Pet Pig, which breeds tiny pet pigs, to offer the animals as yet another gift.
The pet pigs usually sell for about $5,000, the suite people tell me, but the visiting celebrities would be able to get one for free. All they’d have to do is complete a one-hour course on how to treat the li’l porkers and present a certificate of completion. The tiny pig will then be hand-delivered to the celebrity. The pigs come in two sizes, Royal Dandie and Royal Dandie Extreme; Royal Dandies average 29 to 39 pounds, while Dandie Extremes average 19 to 29 -- if, that is, they are not overfed and allowed to, you know, pork out.
It’s too early to say whether Taylor Lautner or Sophia Loren -- both presenters this year -- will actually take up GBK on its offer. It also would be really good times if nominee Alec Baldwin decided to pick one up, maybe for daughter Ireland. (I’ll give you a few seconds to put that one together.)
But celebrities are already familiar with Royal Dandies; Paris Hilton recently announced her purchase of a Dandie that she named -- spelling unchanged -- Princess Piglette.
"So excited for my new piglette [sic] to come home to me," she Tweeted late last year.
T-minus 10 seconds until the PETA people release a statement about the GBK suite. Eight ... seven ... six ...
-- Leslie Gornstein
Photo credits: Courtesy GBK
Time to wallow in Preach It! goodness -- just click here and then scroll down to enjoy, among other articles, the saga of Gary Coleman's penis, the story of why Charlie Sheen is less disappointing than Chris Brown, and advice on how to drive like a rapper in 2010. We also laugh at celebs who quit Twitter and go pout. Good times all around.