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PREACH IT! Just for you, ABC, a post about Adam Lambert that is Totally Not Gay

December 4, 2009 | 11:20 am

Adamgold
Poor ABC; for the first time in its broadcast history, it has come across a gay male entertainer who isn’t simply gay. He is, to borrow a phrase from a caller on Randi Rhodes’ radio show, gay GAY gay.

Unlike sexually nonthreatening gay performers of yore, such as Elton John in his wonderfully harmless array of colorful sunglasses, or Liberace, who respectfully concealed his gay toolkit behind a family-friendly piano, Adam Lambert isn’t just a singer who’s gay before and after the music ends. He’s there to shake his gay moneymaker in your face and, as the fear-mongering goes, convert the planet into a guy-on-guy orgy of epic proportion. ABC’s reaction: Keep on canceling Lambert’s scheduled performances.

Fathers, lock up your sons.

I’m sure ABC doesn’t mean to come off as cowardly and anti-gay as it has. Even GLAAD seems to think that ABC likes the gays A-OK. So let’s give the network the benefit of the doubt and share with ABC some information about Lambert that shouldn’t offend or disturb their delicate, Victorian sensibilities in the least:

Now that that’s out of the way, how about a nice Lambert appearance on "The View"? I am sure Elisabeth Hasselbeck would love it.

-- Leslie Gornstein

Photo: Oh, come on, it's just Adam being Adam -- performing in his Glampire costume the weekend before Halloween at the annual Party City Halloween Bash & Industry Awards at Florida's Boca Raton Resort & Club. Credit: Terry Renna / Party City / Associated Press

What, this hit of PREACH IT! isn't enough for you? Click here.

[UPDATE, Dec. 4, 2009, 6:21 p.m.: Show Tracker has an  interview with the president of GLAAD further explaining the organization's recent trio of statements.

The Ministry invites you to explore the glittery land of Adam Lambert -- or you can just follow us on Facebook and Twitter (we're @LATcelebs).

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