Jessica Simpson and the 1,000% proven joys of ear candling
Jessica Simpson's hairdresser and business partner Ken Paves apparently gave her the holistic experience of ear candling for Christmas, then was kind enough to put it on video so they could post it to Twitter.
How nice of him to give the gift of, say, unblocked energy, emotional stability and the healing of auricular zona, should she suffer from that.
The video above is for the right ear, though the one for the left has some technical difficulties. Still, the running commentary on No. 2 is a hoot and a half.
If you can handle the screaming."Augh, why does it get so hot?," cries Jessica (who, incidentally, has never flirted with Tiger Woods).
"Because it's got fire close to your head -- that's why we've got to protect it so your hair doesn't catch on fire," Ken replies, before bursting back into "We Wish You a Merry Christmas."
At least he knows what he's doing: "There's gonna be a long piece of wax in the thing and we can unroll it and make it like Play-Doh and make shapes out of it."
Oddly, Jessica finds that revolting.
Dare we tell Ken ...
... that doctors say ear candling doesn't work, with one researcher calling it "a triumph of ignorance over science"? And that any triumphantly "extracted" residue is actually not from the ear, but from the candle itself? And that people who spend lots of bucks on candles that often wholesale for next to nothing are -- what's that saying about people who are soon parted from their money? Not that we'd ever question the effectiveness of such a procedure.
Perhaps Ken simply knows what kind of ridiculous celebrity tricks he can get away with?
Maybe they should just stick with the hair extensions. Though at least the Papa John's box indicates someone who knows enough to protect hair, real or fake, from an open flame. Still, in our opinion, a Papa Joe's box would have been more thoughtful.
And no, sports fans, we really don't have any idea what we just witnessed.
Slow news day?
-- Christie D'Zurilla
Photo: Healthcare professional Ken Paves arrives with Jessica Simpson at the Operation Smile "Smile Gala" in Beverly Hills on Oct. 2, 2009. Credit: Dan Steinberg / Associated Press
Have you toured the Ministry of Gossip? We have lots of gratuitous beefcake and cheesecake in stock, and other stories with a light tone. We have posts about things that wind up online -- some of which shouldn't have. We love the glittery world of Adam Lambert, and even though people think we hate a lot on Chris Brown, it's not on purpose, honest.
We even have nonscientific online polls, if that's your thing. To go with the nonscientific ear candling, maybe.