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PREACH IT! Chris Brown is his own fail whale, a.k.a. 'Another star quits Twitter and demands a purple pony'

December 15, 2009 |  4:50 pm
Chrisbrown Chris Brown is taking his fameball and going home.

Like Miley Cyrus before him, Brown has quit Twitter, shortly after airing a tirade this week about music stores not visibly stocking his new album.

You know -- his new album? The one featuring Brown in the high-waisted tally-ho pants and Cylon gauntlet? No? Well, then, maybe Brown has a point about stores not stocking his album.

But the fact that Brown has apparently quit Twitter over that slight -- essentially cutting off that basic celebrity need to solicit adoration on demand -- provides a telling window into fame. When stars join Twitter, they show us how they communicate without publicists' hand-holding. But when stars quit Twitter, they unveil how petty they can really be when they don’t get what they want or can’t control what others do.

Here’s what Brown tweeted in recent days, (mostly) unedited: 

“the[y] didnt even have my album in the back… not on shelves, saw for myself ... im tired of this [expletive]. major stores r blackballing my cd. not stockin the shelves and lying to costumers. what the [expletive] do i gotta do.”


“im not biting my tongue about [expletive] else… the industry can kiss my [expletive].
 … yeah i said it and i aint retracting [expletive]”

“we talked to the managers and the[y] didnt even know anything. wow!!! but they had alicia keys album ready for release for this tuesday comin … the manager told me that when there are new releases its mandatory to put em on the shelves.. BUT NO SIGN OF #GRAFFITI. BS.”

“no disprespect to alicia at all,” he continued. “just givin an example to whos album is loaded and ready to go next week.”

Brown’s final tweet?


"I WANNA THANK MY FANS FOR ALL THE SUPPORT, I LOVE YALL. GOODBYE!!!!!!!!!!!!"

So exactly why did Brown quit? Unclear at this hour, though apparently the idea that some stores don’t feel like doing business with woman-beaters had something to do with it. But there’s one other, larger factor: that control thing I mentioned.

Fail whale "Honestly, Twitter has done nothing but get me into trouble," Brown told MTV News last month. (Not his own tweets that always come back to bite him, mind you; it's that infernal Twitter service that's the problem.) He also said he didn’t like the "backlash" that can come with having a Twitter account.

When Miley Cyrus left Twitter earlier this year, she seemed to have similar reasons. In a goodbye rap -- yes, really -- she said, “Everything that I type/ And everything that I do/all those lame gossip sites take it and make it news.”

So, those, like, media people took what Cyrus posted in a public forum, and, like, said whatever they wanted about it. Whatever they wanted. Like, all the time.

I know, rude right?

Sometimes I don’t like the stupid stuff that know-it-alls defecate onto my Twitter page. Sometimes I say stuff that gets me into a world of pain with my fans, or I don’t get the reaction I was hoping for out in the wider world. But I don’t throw a fit and end my connection to the people who, at least, indirectly, pay my bills.

At this hour I have no doubt that Brown will issue some sort of statement or interview about his Twitter abandonment within the next week or two.

Something tells me it’ll be crafted by his publicist.

-- Leslie Gornstein

Photos: Chris Brown in March 2009, top left, and Twitter's timeless fail whale, right. Separated at birth? Credits: Bob Chamberlin / Associated Press, top; twitter.com, right.

What, this dose of Leslie's gentle analysis isn't enough for you? Click here, and then scroll to your heart's content through lots more delicious Preach It! goodness.

Added: More Chris Brown dispatches from the Ministry are here. Click it and scroll down.

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