Ministry of Gossip

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PREACH IT! And Leslie Looked Upon the Ministry Readers, and She Saw That She Was Good

December 1, 2009 |  5:00 am

Demi
Hi, I’m Leslie Gornstein, and I’ll be your preacher of all things celebrity truth. Have a seat on the first pew, there. Go ahead and tell Oprah to move over if you want; she isn’t so la-dee-dah up close, now, is she? Hold on a second; got a bit of extra truth stuck in my raiment.

OK, we’re all good now.

Children! Just wanted to dash off a quick note to introduce myself and invite you to go ahead and stand up and praise the lawdy lawd for my arrival here at the Ministry of Gossip. My mission: To deliver the real celebrity gospel unto you -- some straight, reasonable (and perhaps necessarily brutal) thinking about the latest gossip headlines. To put it simply, I am being paid to say the stuff the Ministry knows you’re thinking regarding celebrities and Hollywood news, but are just too nice to come out and say in polite Ministry company.

As a reporter who has covered celebrities for well nigh on a decade, I tend to come down pretty squarely on the side of the fan. What does that mean? That means that I ...

  1. Can’t get myself all worked up about Tiger Woods’ plea for privacy; I shall instead crusade until my last breath for your self-evident, God-given right to be as up in Tiger’s still-pretty-nebulous business as you want to be.
  2. Really don’t care if paparazzi make celebrities sad. If a paparazzo breaks the law, that’s bad, and that shouldn’t happen, but the good Lord didn’t put me and the rest of the media on this planet to help stars have a better day. Here’s what makes me sad: lonely sea creatures.
  3. Absolutely love getting Demi Moore fans in a huff every time I call her out as the most sanctimonious celebrity on Earth, and yes, I am counting Ed Begley Jr. Nobody gets all panties-in-a-wad like a Demi Moore fan.
  4. Kind of hope Roman Polanski keeps fleeing and getting arrested, just so we can watch Tilda Swinton and her friends completely freak out in a public petition format at least three more times.

Something in the celebrity sphere bugging you? Care to air an opinion on a breaking celebrity news headline, but fear that you’ll come off as less than respectful of your favorite member of the Hollywood royalty?

You are no longer alone. You have found your flock. Clap your hands and say yeah.

-- Leslie Gornstein

Photo: Yeah, that's Demi Moore on the right with Ashton Kutcher, after the two bravely presented a 2009 Frederick Douglass Award to Sina Vann, a person who's actually done something impressive. Isn't that woman simply divine? We mean Sina Vann, of course. Katy Winn / Associated Press.

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