Life lessons I learned from watching Cobra

Last night, I locked myself out of my apartment. True story. Two hours later, I get rescued from being in just a t-shirt and no shoes and taken to a place where there was no internet connection or nyquil. Epic Fail. For an internet addict/insomniac such as myself, I found myself in a slight predicament. How did I decide to pass the time until I could get back into my own wifi-happy apartment? I revisited my favourite Lieutenant. The one, the only, Marion Cobretti from Cobra. This was pretty much the best alternative to the internet I could come up with on such short notice. I've decided that Cobretti has taught me a few things about life over the years and I felt like I should share his wisdom with you fine peoples. 

1. Knives are overrated. You should always cut your pizza with scissors:




2. Matchsticks always come in handy when you least expect it. Best to always have one on hand. You never know when you may need to set somebody on fire but in the meantime you can use it as an alternative to a toothpick.




3. In desperate hostage situations it is never unreasonable while on duty to have a few sips of Coors light before taking your enemies out.  Criminals can wait. Thirst cannot:




4. Road rage is a perfectly natural and a respectable approach to local drivers failing to adhere to the rules of the road. In cases such as these, it's perfectly acceptable to take matters into your own hands. Especially if you're outnumbered and in a sketchy neighborhood.




5. Robot montages make everything more awesome:




6. Aviator sunglasses inside dark bars clearly enhance your vision.   
      
   

7. NEVER deal with psychos:




8. I may or may not in fact be dating Cobretti's son. Awesome.




9. Brigitte Nielsen was once attractive and not a coked out psychopath on a 2^nd rate reality tv show. Before that happened she was just a coked out psychopath model who loved robot montages (and I am personally quite alright with that).                                        

10. This is where the life lessons end, and you go forth and re-watch Cobra and if you have any life lessons that you too have learned from the great Cobra, please share! However in the meantime you can watch this collection of the five greatest Cobra quotes of all time:

Comments

[Dave]

I would like to add this to your list:

11) Naming your son with a girl's name will only serve to make him a tough S.O.B. who's more likely to put punks in a body bag than in a jail cell. (See Marion Cobretti and A boy named Sue)

[James]

12) Picking on the little guy only gets you punched in the $%^'s

[Chris "Peanut" Dart]

Holy Hell Brigitte Nielson used to be hot.

So sad. So, so sad.

[anomit]

feels really good to find another Cobra freak on this planet!

[christie]

It's pretty much the best movie ever, Anomit.

Pretty much.