8:08: Parting thoughts: Chesney repeated as Entertainer of the Year, Underwood repeated as female vocalist of the year, Brad Paisley took home male vocalist of the year and Taylor Swift went home with the Horizon Award.
This paragraph was going to sum it all up with some cute, what-does-it-all-mean for country music analysis, but Swift bummed out the late-shift cubicle crowd here by declaring her CMA win "the highlight of her senior year." Can't speak for the rest of the folks around these parts, but this blogger's senior year was spent looking forward to "Star Trek: First Contact" (the Borg!).
Nevertheless, the 2007 CMAs cemented Underwood's transformation to country royalty, and reminded us that Chesney is still the man most country fans want to see. And while no woman snared an Entertainer of the Year nod this year, the future is bright for country women. Underwood has the presence and the voice, but still goes for the easy moments a little too often, and Lambert is certainly a star in the making.
7:54: Reba, introducing Entertainer of the Year. Kenny Chesney! Cuz a man wearing a country hat and sporting a shiny shirt and suit pants knows how to entertain, ladies and sirs.
7:47: Oh no. What's this? Another Rascal Flatts performance? OK, fine, they're poular and all, even if these Rascal vocals are kinda syrupy, but this is not just any Rascal Flatts performance. No, no, no, no. It's one with superstar actor/Kanye West pal Jamie Foxx! Pairing on "She Goes All the Way," Foxx plays the role of silky-smooth R&B lounge dude, but it's safe to say it's a few steps below his Ray Charles take. Foxx just ended the song by saying, "I'm on the CMAs!" Yeah, we're surprised, too.
So what's next on the Jamie Foxx Crossover Appeal Tour 2005-2009?
7:31: And we're out, with 20-minutes to spare before "Kid Nation" starts. Or something more exciting, at least those of us on the West Coast. Oh wait...credits don't mean it's over to the CMAs.
7:39: Who gets more thanks at the CMAs? Agents? Religious figures? Or American Idol?
7:37: Male Vocalist of the Year ... Braid Paisley. Totally called this wrong.
7:33: Kellie Pickler, performing "I wonder," one of the more heart-aching songs of the evening. Indeed, the mother/daughter tear-jerker has Pickler to tears, needing the support of the crowd to get through the tune. Cut to her brother Eric, who's also in tears. Can't knock the outpouring of emotion ... and now Kid Rock! Whoo! Giving a shout-out to J-E-S-U-S.
7:28: Local news just teased a story about a child's toy that can be manipulated into a date-rape drug. Don't they know country awards are for families?
7:20: Chesney, performed "Don't Blink." A woman from Nashville who works for one of our other sites just came by, wanting to point out that Chesney does not make her list of top-100 country artists performing today. After listening to "Don't Blink" again, he doesn't make this writer's list, either.
7:17: Actress Kimberly Williams introduced Kenny Chesney, but not before comparing country singers to newborn babies (her and husband Paisley celebrated the birth a son earlier this year).
7:09: Female Vocalist of the Year: Carrie Underwood. Don't thank "American Idol." Don't thank "American Idol." Don't thank "American Idol." Don't thank .... you thanked "American Idol." But hey! Predicted this one right. But Lambert still shoulda won. And Lambert was still the best performance of the night. (See 5:10 p.m.)
Around the 7:00-hour: Reba McEntire performed "When You Love Someone Like That" with LeAnn. Beautiful restraint, on the part of McEntire's vocals.
From the comment section: Lylobo writes, "one minute tribute for Porter is disgraceful! You should be ashamed!" Agreed, Lylobo. Was going to make a post that said as much, but the Porter Wagoner moment was over before I could even pull up this TypePad page. Then the awards continued before I could get to it. There's no reason why someone couldn't have covered a Wagoner tune or two. And now I missed the Little Big Town performance to write this. My apologies to the LBT fans the world over.
6:53: Horizon Award winner. Taylor Swift. She breaks down into tears as she says, "This is definitely the highlight of my senior year."
6:47: Keith Urban, performing "Everybody." I know, it's a hit, but Urban can be such a dynamic performer, I was hoping he'd stay away from this ballad. Sigh. No cut-aways to Nicole Kidman,
6:44: Martina McBride, performing "For These Times." She's bringing out the song's faith/gospel undertones. One wishes she would go a little deeper into that territory. She's got the voice to do it, but the song stays a little too safe.
6:42: LeAnn Rimes: "Thirteen years in this business, one marriage and no arrests ... But I still have five years left in my 20s, so it's not over yet."
6:36 Album of the Year. George Strait. It Just Comes Natural. His sixth album of the year win.
6:30: And we're back. Sugarland. "Stay." The sparse, acoustic tear-jerker is carried by Nettles' aching vocals. A co-worker just quipped that it was country's "Stairway to Heaven," commenting on its length. Ah, but "Stairway" is not nearly as probing a look into adultery, my friend.
6:21: Here we go. Vocal Duo of the Year. Sugarland. Singer Jennifer Nettles (thanks Jerry -- I had somehow swapped Kristian Bush and Nettles earlier) gives a shout-out to Brooks & Dunn. Sugarland will be performing soon. Jamie Foxx is teased as doing something with Rascal Flatts.
6:19: Jason Alden. Singing that Johnny Cash song. What happened to the whole giving out the awards thing?
6:13: Brooks & Dunn. Performing new single "God Must Be Busy." Brings a more solemn tone to the awards, with each new lyric ripped from the headlines, complete with a reference to gangs the Bloods and Crips. Wasn't expecting that one. Hmmm. Like the song's questioning of faith. Like the pretty slide guitar. Haven't decided if the contrast of gang warfare and the war in the Middle East is working, though.
6:04: And now the Eagles, here to prove you can go nearly 30 years before releasing an album and still write a terrible song. OH!!! OH!!! OH!!!! Second river metaphor of the night. Something about a "freedom river" outside. The river lyric means it's deep.
6:01: Carrie Underwood. Sporting a yellow dress, with butterflies on her hip, Underwood looks more like a Disney princess than a superstar. She's singing "So Small," and she wins the Extended Play Award for first river metaphor of the evening ("It's like a river so wide it swallows you whole"). She's got a full orchestra, and a cheesy guitar kicks in to carry the song into prom theme territory.
5:53: Rodney Atkins performs "These Are My People," a slightly patronizing crowd pleaser (I drink beer out of a can! I like football!). Atkins is so down, he even performed in a baseball cap and a T-shirt.
5:51: Vocal Group of the Year: Winner, Rascal Flatts.
5:47: Big & Rich just performed pool-hall rocker "Loud." "We like it loud," they sang. "We like it honkin'." Probably not shouting out for gay marriage.
5:40: Bringing back some elegance to the proceedings, Alison Krauss gives a lovely performance of "Simple Love."
5:32: Brad Paisley performs "So Much Cooler." The opening verse of the song has Paisley admitting he's a sci-fi geek. Perhaps that's why he's performing in front of a "Matrix"-like backdrop of computer code. Somebody's got to bring some edge to these award show proceedings. If I had to choose between the CMAs and the Matrix, I'd choose .... oh wait, looks like Swift has joined Paisley on-stage and is now dancing with him. And a high school marching band is now on-stage. It's not the "Matrix," but things are getting trippy.
5:25: Young star Taylor Swift performs "Our Song" with a glittering guitar that would make Miley Cyrus jealous. But the guitar is little more than an accessory for Swift's winning, beauty pageant-worthy smile and easy-going, if easily forgettable, melody.
5:23: Denton just said, "Apparently some guys don't need writers," referring to the speech just given by Anderson, Cannon and Johnson. Perhaps realizing he could soon feel the wrath of the WGA, he quickly added, "I'm not one of them."
5:20: Song of the Year winner: "Give It Away," written by Bill Anderson, Buddy Cannon, Jamey Johnson. It's a song from Strait's album. Hey, wait, Strait just performed... . Hmmmm... .
5:17: George Strait. Performing "How Bout Them Cowgirls." The single comes from Strait's "It Just Comes Natural." I've always liked this song. The chorus: 'How bout them cowgirls / boys ain't they somthin'." There's few better examples of a chorus that simply cannot be argued against. Yep, how bout them. I'm in.
5:11: Single of the Year winner: Carrie Underwood, "Before He Cheats." It's the first time Underwood won Single of the Year honors at the CMAs. She celebrated by thanking the "promotion staff at Arista." Whoo!
5:10: That's it. The best performance any of us will see tonight. "Nashville Star" vet (don't hold the show against her -- she's good) Miranda Lambert gave a scorchin', hard-rock take on single "Gunpowder and Lead." In a just world, she wins tonight.
5:07: "Desperate Housewives" star James Denton revealed himself to be a "frustrated guitar player." Should the WGA strike last a while, he may have a chance to re-visit his musical aspirations.
5:03: Rascal Flatts is opening the CMA Awards with "Still Feels Good," a jolly mid-tempo number about the nostalgia of teenage make-out sessions. But as I was describing the song, my editor walked by and said, 'Such tight yellow pants,' referring to Jay DeMarcus' outfit. Then I lost track of the tune.
4:54: Dierks Bentley, who's up for album of the year, says he'll be thanking his songwriters and producers if he wins. Then CMT cut to the audience poll, which revealed Bentley is not the people's choice -- that would be Brad Paisley.
4:47 p.m.: About 14 minutes to show time. Carrie Underwood was just asked by a CMT host what she's carrying in her purse. One of the following was not one of her answers: A) Gum B) Some cash C) A cell phone D) Tissues. Ah, if you guessed D, you guessed correct. "American Idol" winners have no need for tissues.
4:40 p.m.: In their interest of full-disclosure, this writer has been at the following awards: Grammys, AMAs and the Billboard Music Awards. The Country Music Assn. Awards are not on that list. They're also not on the list of awards this writer has, well, ever watched. So here goes nothin' ....