AMAs: live bloggin'

Closing thoughts: Kimmel was disinterested, and that set the tone for most of the show, which opened with a tepid attempt to infuse some life into will.i.am's flopping album, and ended with Fergie stressing her producer's importance.

In between the will.i.am cheerleading, Daughtry seemed to be onstage once every 25 minutes or so, as was Carrie Underwood, reminding us all that people like "American Idol." Performance-wise, Alicia Keys gave everyone a reason to disregard her new album, Beyonce tried to get her groove on with Sugarland, Chris Brown went all sci-fi, and the middle-of-the-road trio of Maroon 5, Daughtry and Rascal Flatts failed to bring any excitement to the show.

The AMAs don't really foretell the Grammys, but it will be interesting to see if Daughtry's big night here translates into a slew of nominations.

7:58: And we're out. It's moments like this we're all glad to live in the West Coast. Now we can turn off the company satellite and re-watch the taped delay edition.

7:54: Gene Simmons (shocking he wasn't too busy to come tonight), introducing favorite female pop/rock artist. Fergie wins. She's the first artist to seem genuinely appreciative and shocked to win.

7:49: Kimmel's back! He can barely talk, stumbling over his words. He introduces Daughtry to perform what Kimmel says is a special acoustic version of "Home," meaning it will be extra extra melodramatic. Time to get a soda. Oh, the acoustic version has strings to boot!

7:44: Kimmel is pretty much MIA for this whole show. He's sort of non-hosting hosting. It's oddly fascinating -- I don't believe I've ever seen a host care less about something.

7:35: Ed's mom: The AMAs are now in their 35th year, I believe, and are a product of Dick Clark Productions. Nominations are based on sales and radio data, so it's a popularity contest, not so much an awards show, and a chance to hype some records. Winners are voted on by the public, further heightening the popularity contest aspect of it.

If your mother doesn't like it, perhaps she can get a bumper sticker that says, 'AMAs: Not my awards -- I didn't vote.'

We typed that while Queen Latifah sang a perfectly inoffensive song in the background.

7:32: Kid Rock, asking people to stop and applaud for the U.S. armed forces. And then back to the awards.

7:30: Mary J. Blige performing "Just Fine." She's borrowing some of Chris Brown's "Tron" toys for her set.

7:20: Ack! Technical difficulties. The last 20 minutes of the blog were deleted. They will be re-posted momentarily.

OK, so they won't be restored. Bottom line: Duran Duran performed boring new single "Falling Down," which was produced by Justin Timberlake. Sadly, Timberlake did not appear with the band via satellite from Australia to pretend he cares, as he has each time he won an award.

Then Duran Duran played "Hungry Like the Wolf," which was voted on by fans via the Web. Singer Simon Le Bon reminded fans that this was the song America voted upon, i.e., 'this is the song we had to sing to plug our new album.'

OK, that's not exactly what was live-blogged 20 minutes ago, but it's close.

7:18: Before Usher gives some sort of lifetime achievement award thing to Beyonce, he's introduced by the AMA voiceover guy as having "conquered the fragrance world." Take that, P. Diddy! Bring on your little perfume thing, pal!

6:59: Alicia Keys. Performing "No One." No wait, she scrapped that. Now what, Junior Reid is on stage? Now she's doing reggae. Wait, now will.i.am is back on stage? She's kind of throwing her hand up in the air doing some sort of shaking thing. I have no idea what's going on anymore. Anyone? Help. What just happened? What happened to Alicia Keys' new single? Where did it go? I lost track. The badness/weirdness of that performance just momentarily zapped my brain of any and all thought. 

6:58: Daughtry just won favorite pop/rock album. See 6:22 p.m.

6:54: Kimmel, introducing Ashley Tisdale and Vanessa Hudgens, telling us his son just said he would like to lose his virginity to one of them. Anyone else have the feeling that Kimmel's son said no such thing?

6:48: Favorite aritst of the year, introduced by Miley Cyrus. This award comes with its very own cellphone sponsor.

Carrie Underwood wins again, giving her two book-ends for the evening. Her speech consists largely of this one completely unenthusiastic sentence: "Holy cow. That's all I have to say."

6:44: And there we have "Dancing With the Stars," introducing us to the self-proclaimed "prince of R&B" Chris Brown. Wonder if he's going to win the American Music Award for most overtly lip-synced performance of the evening.

6:40: Justin Timberlake won favorite soul/R&B album. So perhaps Kanye West was right. Before Timberlake won the award, we were given a rundown of past winners of the award. Come on, fellas, if "Dancing With the Stars" can go on without writers, you can come up with better award intros than that.

6:39: Starting to get the feeling the only folks watching this thing are those forced to live-blog it.

6:34: Lenny Kravitz. Dude still thinks rock stars are supposed to wear Ray-Bans indoors.

6:29: Further proving their relevancy and/or hipness, the AMAs bring out future of music Celine Dion. Maybe this is her electronic/atmospheric record, the one where Dion opens up, showing us the inner madness of having to play for rich tourists in Las Vegas. Or perhaps it's just some more background music for Kohl's, complete with some trademark over-singing. Yep, that's what it is. She does kind of a weird vampy, wannabe-sexy dance, and she clearly ripped off Underwood's dress.

6:27: OK, that was kind of funny, Kimmel. He said he's been waiting for something crazy to happen -- someone to get drunk, take a handful of pills -- go nuts. And that man is ... Josh Groban. Although I kinda feel bad for Groban. He probably went with his extra-crazy, utlra curly haircut today to prepare.

6:22: Daughtry wins again, adult contemporary artist. So this is the first year that Americans were able to vote for the AMAs online, and what did we learn? They simply revote for who they already voted for on "American Idol."

6:17: Sugarland covering Beyonce's "Irreplaceable," taking all the soul out of it. No sign of Beyonce yet. But she's coming, for sure. This must be that ultra-surprise Beyonce performance that ABC has been teasing as a really big ultra-secret surprise for the past two weeks. Yep, there she is. Remember when Jamie Foxx gave an awkward performance with Rascal Flatts at the CMAs earlier this month? This is kind of like that. Beyonce is trying to dance with Sugarland's Jennifer Nettles, but Nettles isn't really dancing to any sort of beat.

6:13: Underwood wins, favorite female artist/country. Proving she did indeed make a deal with the "American Idol" devil, she's sure to thank CAA and Simon Fuller -- "all my people who are in my entourage."

From the comment board: JSP writes, I love the Soulja Boy, or Superman, dance!  I wanna see Mr. Martens do it!

Thanks Mr./Miss JSP, but you definitely don't want to see that. I can't do it, I promise you.

6:02: Taye Diggs. Introducing Rihanna and Ne-Yo, explaining that Rihanna is not only known for her music, but her "classic beauty." Well, not going to argue with him, but yes, it sounded as odd as it looks in print.

Before Rihanna and Ne-Yo get on with "Hate That I Love You," she gives us a few bars of "Umbrella," making this the second medley of the night. Cuz if people aren't buying albums, they presumably can't take full songs.

Rihanna is wearing a drape from the apartment my grandmother lived in during the 1980s, and trying not to look awkward as she and Ne-Yo do a little acting with the singing.

6:00: Favorite soundtrack award given to "High School Musical 2." One bonus of having a writer strike: no annoying banter before the awards.

5:57 [Ed. Note: Carrie Underwood, Carrie Underwood, Carrie Underwood, Carrie Underwood. Carry on.]

5:55 Justin Timberlake won for male artist, but he's in Australia, and accepts the award in what looked to be a taped segment. He tries to poke fun at himself, by declaring that the requirements are one must be male and an artist to win, but the comment instead just kind of dismisses the AMAs. Cut to Kimmel, who's stumbling over his words and practically slurring his speech. He teases the Jonas Brothers for slipping around the stage, clearly giving up on any hope of being funny tonight.

5:51: The Jonas Brothers, singing "SOS." They imported a bunch of kids from the Radio Disney offices to dance around. Two got on stage and had to be walked off by a security guy.

5:50: Kimmel may in fact be drunk. He says he's been practicing the Soulja Boy dance for "like two weeks." I wish I was a striking writer and could spend two weeks failing to master a dance. 

5:44: Akon, winning soul/R&B male. He says T-Pain deserves the award instead, and brings him up on stage. T-Pain jokes that he's going to take the award home and looks about to say something else, but he's cut off by the music. No! The AMAs shall not stand for something unpredictable. He must not speak. Or maybe it's the WGA Brass Band working the pit, and they got word T-Pain's speech for non-winning was scripted.

5:42: Ryan Seacrest, Host Master, is here to introduce Maroon 5. He must've been repulsed by Kimmel's "Soulja Dance" as well, and is going to take control of the show from Kimmel. Or he's just going to spew some PR-speak about Maroon 5 being one of the blandest biggest bands on the planet. Yep, that's what he did.

5:34: Rascal Flatts just finished performing "Take Me There." Never quite realized how much that song kinda sounds like an Eagles/Bon Jovi hybrid till now.

5:32: Cutting back a few minutes ago. So who introduced Avril Lavigne? OneRepublic? Right. OK. Sure. That clears that up. But they did plug their debut album, clearly having read their record label one-sheet over a teleprompter. 

5:30: Avril performs the first full song of the night, and the first sans will.i.am. But she barely looked like she cared, not even breaking a sweat, she gave a few little half-hops. That's certainly not going to help sell tickets to her upcoming 2008 tour. But at least she didn't do the Soulja Boy dance.

5:24: Christina Applegate and James Blunt, bringing us favorite country band/duo. The award goes to Rascal Flatts. Member Jay DeMarcus had on a silver sportcoat, taking fashion tips from will.i.am perhaps. Two minutes and we're into Avril Lavigne singing "Hot." She's got what looks to be a pinkish, Fisher Price ' My First Microphone.' It matches her hair.

5:19: Breakthrough artist, Daughtry. Sigh. His bandmate has a mini-mohawk. It's small to denote the lack of rockin'.

5:15: He brings up Kellie Pickler and Jordin Sparks to do the "Soulja Boy" dance. "See, we don't need writers!" Maybe not, but how about some improv classes then?

5:13: Jimmy Kimmel, fourth time hosting, said it's the first time he's hosted drunk. He gives a shout-out to the striking WGA members by declaring, "I was not allowed to write any jokes for tonight's event," telling us we will sit through "made-up crap."

5:10: Nicole Scherzinger, singing "Baby Love," her bad R&B song with will.i.am. MTV put its faith in Timbaland to add some life to its show, and it looks like the AMAs put its money behind will.i.am., who dominated the first 12 minutes.

5:09: Oh, will.i.am is back! Singing "Heartbreaker." Eight minutes in, and it's all Black Eyed Peas members so far. Fergie is the better singer. Now if only we could have a Pussycat Doll ....

5:03: Fergie, sans will, singing "Girl Can't Help It." Or a few seconds of it. Now she's onto a different song -- "Big Girls Don't Cry."

5:00: will.i.am opening the awards with Fergie, singing "Fergalicious." Two minutes in and will.i.am. is gone -- just like his new album from the charts.

4:55 p.m.: Five minutes to go, and a chance to vote for one more award. Head here to cast your vote for the AMA "artist of the year." And here's the good news: you can vote as often as you want, so when you accidentally click on Daughtry (why else would you click on him?), you can go back and click on Akon 15 times to make up for it.

4:51 p.m.: The American Music Awards are less than 10 minutes away. Check this picture of R&B singer Chris Brown from rehearsals. He's gone "Tron" on us.

Photo credits: Daughtry, Getty Images; Beyonce, Associated Press; Underwood, AP; Brown, Getty Images

Comments

[NorCalGirl]

UGGH! Music industry sucks. Just like the movie and TV industry sucks right now. Artists should just release their work directly online and forget about award shows as a marketing tool. I'll never buy a CD again.

[JSP]

I love the Soulja Boy, or Superman, dance! I wanna see Mr. Martens do it!

[Liz]

from the blog:
... as her and Ne-Yo do a little acting with the singing ...

wouldn't that be: SHE and Ne-Yo?

[melody]

do you realize you did not say one good thing about anyone? all you did was rip on every single thing. bitter much? that was the worst blog i have ever read.

[Terrance]

Uhhh, excuse me but Akon is not a "budding rap superstar". He's a R&B singer. He doesn't rap.