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Time Warner Cable offers first-class package

October 7, 2011 |  4:21 pm

Worried that the Porsche in your driveway and the new swimming pool aren't enough to make your neighbors jealous? Now you can out-cable them too!

That's right, Time Warner Cable is offering a new service in Southern California that seems tailor-made for folks who like to pamper themselves and perhaps feel a little superior to everyone else.

It's called "Signature Home" and with it comes "personal solutions advisors" and "connection specialists" available at your beck and call. Think of it as first class for cable.

"It's more than cable, it's a lifestyle," gushes a press release from the cable giant announcing its latest package. Starting at $199.99 a month, subscribers can get more than 180 channels, 50 megabits per second of high-speed Internet, an iPad app, a digital phone and "white-glove customer service." You also get a DVR that can record up to four channels at once, which is perfect for Sunday night when you can't decide between football, "The Good Wife," "Desperate Housewives " or "Boardwalk Empire."

That white-glove service includes your own cable concierge. The personal solution advisors (I think that's what we used to call customer service reps) are available around the clock. They will make sure that a connections specialist (what we used to call a repairman) is ready to race to your home should the slightest bit of snow show up in your picture.

Don't worry about some cable guy wearing dirty work boots messing up your white carpet either. The Signature Home technicians come equipped with shoe booties. After all, per Time Warner Cable, "Signature Home is all about a heightened experience both through technology and customer interface."

So forget about buying that new car to make the rest of your block envious, just get Time Warner Cable's Signature Home package and become the envy of everyone except those who get the NFL Network, which Time Warner Cable doesn't carry. They may still laugh at you.

-- Joe Flint