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'Twilight' Countdown: What do the Cullens talk about?

12 days left...

Cullensfinal

Before Bella arrived, what did the Cullen teens talk about all day and night? (No sleeping, just endless chatter.) It's the third week of our Caption This! "Twilight" contest -- and it's the most challenging one yet! Tell me what's going on in this picture. Jasper looks miffed. Rosalie's got that apple -- why is she the only one pretending to eat? Who is Emmett checking out? Does Alice smell something funny? Create some fictional dialogue and come back next Saturday to see who comes up with the best scene.

Bella

As for last week's winners, both made me laugh out loud ...

"Can i haz sexie vampire, noz?" and "Noz, Alice! Notz the pink satinz! Me no wanz!" -- Kelly

OK, I am biased. Kelly took me literally when I linked to some LOLcats sites last week and told you all to use it as inspiration. What can I say? Once you get into it, there's no going back. Congrats, Kelly.

The runners-up were just as great:

"Dammit. Ed just Rick Rolled me." -- Skyler (Because who don't love a good Rick Roll?)

"I get pregnant with a half-vampire baby in book four?! What the HELL?" -- Niki (Because I admit that I probably looked just like Kristen Stewart above when I got to that part of "Breaking Dawn.")

Once again, nicely done! The rest of the entries are here. The coming days will bring you interviews with Kristen Stewart, Stephenie Meyer, Peter Facinelli and screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg.

Also, look for my Q&A with MTV's "Twilight" dude Larry Carroll (who is just the sweetest), a piece about the Twilight Music Girls and a review of the movie's soundtrack.

-- Denise Martin

Related:
Complete 'Twilight' Countdown coverage
Complete 'Twilight' coverage on Hero Complex

Photo: Summit Entertainment

 
Comments () | Archives (60)

Jasper: Damn! All these humans smell good! Better not look at them.. It might help!
Alice: Don't worry, Jazz. You won't take a bite at them! At least, not today. *worries*
Emmet: Ha-ha! You look messed up, Jazz! I think we should go hunting tonight. Find us some feisty grizzly bears, huh?
Rosalie: *thinks* Hmmmm.. I wonder... Nah! It's not worth it...
Edward: *thinks* Why can't I read Bella's mind!?! For crying out loud! I want to know if she likes that Newton kid or not!! DAMN It!!

or...

Rosalie: Hey Ed! I bet I can eat this apple and not spit it back out later!
Edward: Whatever Rose! I'm trying to check out the new girl!
Emmet: *thinks* Dang! No wonder Ed's been checking her out! That Bella girl is SMOKIN'!
Edward: Will you shut up Emmet!
Alice: Take it easy with the gel Jazz! You're beginning to smell like Edward now!
Jasper: *annoyed* Fine! I'll probably just use hairspray. It's cheaper too, i think.

Emmett: “Jasper, Edward, I’m bored, let’s mess with that Newton kid again!

Jasper: ” I can’t. I need to go hunting. Some of these children smell really good right now.”

Alice: “I see it Jazz, you’ll be okay until school ends.” “Emmett, i’m in. We need a banana and some paper, can you throw it to him without hitting him…. He won’t even notice me leaving the note in front of him that says DANCE, MONKEY, DANCE!!!

Edward: “Hmmm…I’ll throw it, just hard enough to knock him out for a couple of hours I need to spend with Bella. She’s so beautiful when she’s blushing.”

Rosalie: God, Edward! Stop staring at the humans! Am I the only one that wants to appear to be normal? Jeez!

Jasper-Thinking about alone time later with Alice.
Alice- Seeing what Jasper decided to do later on tonight.
Rosalie- "Eddddiiieeee.. Eddiepussss"
Edward- Trying to block out Jasper's thoughts, trying to pass gas in Rosalie's direction.
Emmett- "Roseeeee can I go play football too?! Please oh please oh pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

Rosalie- "Here eddie eddie eddie eddie... tsk tsk eddiepussss"
Edward- "STAWP! I are not cat toy!!!"
Emmett- "Woseee can I peaseeee go play football too?! peaseee I promise not to break anyoneee"
Jasper- "Wanna hear me burp my ABC's Alice?!"
Alice-"Oh not, not this again"

Jasper: *thinking* Hmm... If I cut my hair like Emmett's will Rosalie like me better?
Alice: Jasper why are you planning on cutting your hair?
Jasper: Uhmm...no not really just imagining how i look *thinking* Damn...Alice is watching
Emmett: *thinking* Maybe if I use hair gel and try to make my hair look all spiky like Alice, Jasper will like me....
Alice: Emmett why do I see you with spiky hair?
Emmett: What are you talking about?!? o_O *thinking* Sheesh...Why does Alice have to be the psychic one!
Rosalie: *thinking* If I get two apples and put them under my bra....Maybe Edward will...
Alice: Rosalie what are you doing with those apples!!!
Rosalie: Duuhhh!! I'm trying to see if the color red looks good on me!! *thinking* Stupid jackass have to see everything hmmpphh....
Alice: *thinking* Edward why are they looking angry at me??
Edward: Dammit Alice isnt it obvious??? Your a major pain in the ass
=Alice is hiding werewolf perfume balloons which she is planning to throw at her siblings for doing that to her= THATS WHAT SMELLS

i did this on youtube it starts at 3:01 if the link does not work go to youtube and look up loonymoonyy the video is called what there really thinking http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3TKqeChod8g

Jasper: Alice, haven't you worn that dress already?
Alice: ...
Emmett: *thinks* I wonder if Jaspers brain will explode if i stare really hard at his head.
Rosalie: Hey, Edward... Think i can hit Lauren in the head with this apple without anyone noticing?
Edward: Em, stop staring at Jasper, you're freaking him out.
Emmett: Look whos talking! Has this Bella person got something stuck in her teeth or what?
...20 minutes later...
Rosalie: (to Emmett) So why WERE you staring at Jasper? Is he prettier than me or something?
Emmett: No, i was trying to dissolve his brains... I would have tried it on you, but i figured it was a lost cause...

Edward: "Bella...Isabella...Bella..."
Rosalie: "You seriously can't be thinking about her..." (huffs)
Emmett: "She's got a little something-something going on...great smell...No wonder Eddie's attracted..." (Ignores Edward's annoyed look at the use of his name)
Alice: (Has a vision *Edward & Bella getting married*)
Jasper: "What is it Alice?"

Jasper: Do you see sumthing Alice?
Alice: How could she possibly put that shirt with those pants.mmm mmm mmm disaster.
Emmet: Ehhhhh, she's kinda cute. I wonder if Rose is looking at me?
Rosalie: Uhh I wish he would listen when I talk. I'm a very important person!! Uhh he's realy starting to piss me off!!
Edward: Why does she always talk to me. I already have to hear her annoying thoughts. Why must she forever annoy me. What could I have possibly don!!

Alice: Jasper, you, uh, got a little kink in your neck.
Jasper: Why am I sitting like this??
Rosalie: Apple, Apple in my hand, who's the fairest, in the land?
Emmett: SRSLY. PUT THE DAMN APPLE DOWN
Edward: *staring at a teacher* Who? Me? You wanna do WHAT to me?

Emmett: Why is Jasper checking out Rose?
Jasper: Is Rosalie actually going to eat that apple?
Alice: I wonder if Jazz wants to--- Bella isn't seriously gonna attempt to use a knife is she?
Edward: Bella...Bella No. No Bella, put the knife down!!!
Rosalie: If he says "Bella" one more time, I'm gonna shove this apple in his mouth.

Emmett:hey Jasper
Jasper:yeah
Emmett:you see that girl over there
Jasper: the one with brown hair yeah i see her
Emmett:ok well she has to be the clumsyist human i have ever seen i think i have seen her fall like 10 times today it gets funner and funner every time hahaha
Alice: wow not only is she the clumyist human she is also the worst dressed human ever how can she pair those shoes with that belt ugh.... she needs help bad
Edward: Rosalie give the apple
Rosalie: why
Edward: cuz i cant stand listening to your thoughts about how hot you think you are when your looking in that apple
Rosalie:for your information i am pretty damn hot and if you dont like my thoughts dont listen
Edward: well its pretty damn hard cuz there so damn loud
Rosalie: Emmett tell Edward to stop being mean to me
Emmett: Rose im busy waiting for that girl to fall again eddie whats that girls name again
Edward: her name is Bella swan isnt a beautiful name it fits that gorgeous creature
perfectly
Rosalie: what are you talking about she is the farthest thing from gorgeous
Edward: shut up Rose heres your apple go back to thinking about your self please
Rosalie: UGH!!!!!! fine i will
Alice: its going to be really awkward on the car ride home today
Jasper: you got that right

emmett: Dude, Jazz. That chick Jessica keeps staring at you.
alice: What?!
jasper: *whispers* Really? Is she hot?!
rosalie: Don't you dare answer that Emmett. Anyways, I think she's looking at Edward.
edward: Jazz, if you only knew what Jessica's thinking...
alice: EXCUSE ME????!!!!!!

Jasper: "My mouth's watering so bad right now. Precognitive abilities, mind reading-taking a snap at any one of these jueveniles is a virtual impossibility!"
Alice: "Hooray, Jasper DID get me what I wanted for our anniversary!
And now he knows I know. Crap."
Emmett: " Dude, Jazz is so gonna snap any second-maybe I should tackle him right now! Edward seems preoccupied..."
Rosalie: "Anyone who stares at another girl while I am a foot away is a complete whack job. I hope you heard that Edward! Edward? Ugh. Bet this apple would knock some sense into him...or maybe just turn to mush..."
Edward: "Why can't I HEAR her. This is infuriating. Jazz had better leave. The poor girl looks terrified enough. Don't look at her, don't look at her, don't even think about it Rosalie, don't look at her, don't look at her...."

Edward: There's just something about her...

Rosalie: Edward, look away from the human or I will shove this down your throat.

Emmett: I've got a hundred says Jasper bites her.

Alice: You're on, Emmett. Jasper, sweetie, hold your breath. I see a fabulous new pair of red pumps in my future.

Jasper: *glares at Emmett* As if she doesn't already have enough shoes.

Emmett: Jasper wearing the ugliest shoes you could find doesn't make you any more human.
Jasper: Don't make me push suicidal feelings on you again Emmett
Alice: :Gasps: I just saw who wins America's Next Top Model, well that sucks the fun out of it.
Rosalie: Look Edward I'm telling you the apple has a meaning, something about forbidden fruit. It was not just chosen cos someone thought it made a dramatic bookcover.
Edward: (Thinking) This is totally the right pose for my Calvin Klein casting session tomorrow.

Edward: Oh, she's just so beautiful.
Rosalie: Edward! Get a grip!

Alice: "Edward, Just a warning, Mike Newton is about to envision you shirtless again..."
Edward: "Ugh. you're a little late Alice..... oh, geez, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!!"
Rosalie: "Uhh, ew!?"

Alice:Those boots Jasper is wearing are hidious, he still thinks he is a cowboy from the south and they smell like cow poo.
Jasper:I'm so hot in these boots, why is Alice not in the 'mood.'
Emmett: "How's my new pose, Rose?"
Edward:"Yes Rosalie, I would pretend not to be dating him too"
Rosalie:"You can't look hotter than me so stop trying"
Edward:This Bella girl smells good, what fragrance "awkward, clumsy, yet suprisingly good enough to eat"
Jasper:Oooh look at Emmett's new pose wink wink

Emmett: Dude! That guy just ate 3 hot dogs. I wonder if he's going to be sick.
Alice: Wait a minute...
Edward: Great Alice! I really wanted that picture in my head.
Rosalie: You guys are all so gross.
Jasper: Just look away Rosalie, just look away.

i wonder what her blood taste like ?

Jasper: Hey, Emmett... there's some girl showing some really strong feelings for you right now. It's actually really creepy. *thinking* Why do I have to feel EVERYONE'S emotions? Gosh I hate feeling infatuated with Emmett.

Alice: *thinking* Why is Jasper obsessing over Emmett at the moment? Did I just see them... KISS? IN THE FUTURE? Eww... the horror.

Rosalie: *thinking* There goes Edward, staring off into the distance at Bella. Maybe I should throw my apple at him! *prepares to throw apple* OOH! I looks so pretty today-- I can see my reflection!

Emmett: Jasper, why are you staring at me?

Jasper: *thinking* Think fast Jazz, think fast.
Jasper: Emmett, didn't you wear that outfit yesterday?

Alice: YOU'RE WEARING THE MONKEY SUIT AGAIN? *turns away is disgust* I see in your future a broken TV if you wear that again...

Emmett: NO! NOT THE TV!

Jasper: *thinking* Yes! Alice to the rescue... That's my girl. But Emmett looks so buff in that jump-- WAIT! ENOUGH!

Edward: *hearing all their thoughts* Gosh, I quite possibly have the most deranged family in existance. Can't you all TRY to control yourselves... PLEASE?

***

Alice: I saw Mike Newton being murdered again. He was flung across your biology room all bloodied up and in half. By the way... *thinking* Edward, you know that we can't move again because you murder another pervert human

Edward: But Alice, he was thinking of me naked... AGAIN!

Alice: Do you really want Mike Newton's blood... inside of you?

Edward: Eww. Please Alice, enough with the innuendos.

*both turn away from each other and glare off into distance*

Rob: Okay guys we're supposed to be shooting a scene here - stop fooling around.

Jackson: Nikki - we're going to have to do this shoot for the fifth time if you don't put that apple down - vampires don't eat food!

Kellan: Oh no - I think Catherine saw us. Listen Nikki, if they made me stop eating the eggs, I don't think you're allowed to eat that apple.

Ashley: Oh my God! Here comes the makeup lady.

Nikki: I'm telling you all right now, if that makeup lady starts walking towards me, I'm throwing this apple at her; I've just about had it with that lady.

Rob: Yeah! I know what you mean. Plus her breath always smell of garlic or onions.

Emmett: Dude, Jasper.... why are you eating? That stinks, man. You could've just left the food there, it's not like anybody's... oh wait, yeah, everybodies looking. Proceed.

Jasper: Ugh, this sucks. Not only does Emmett choose now to annoy me to death *snickers* but that new girl smells so much sweeter than this piece of floppy lettuce... what I'd give to suck on that neck.

Alice: She has the worst fashion sense I've seen in my very long life. If she joins this family... we has some serious wardrobe-upgration to do. SERIOUS, upgration. Maybe that'll get Rose to take that stick out of her ass.

Rosalie: Edward? Edward! Explain to me why this freaking apple tastes so good... I'm confused. Why does the apple taste so good? Edwarrrrd! Fine. Don't look at me then, prude.

Edward: *Le sigh* I hate you all...

-----

Pic 2:

Bella: Why do I look so pale? Oh my god, did I pass out? Did Jame bite me? Why am I so pale?! EXPLAIN! God-dammit, I wanted Edward to do it... damn you, James. Damn you to hell.

Rosalie: "Edward what are you staring at Edward fine'' (thinking) well at least im the one actually looking like a human by pretending to eat.
Emmet:(thinking) dam they had practice without me
jasper:(thinking) i cant handle this
Edward:(thinking0she smells so sweet but i cant hear her thoughts why why why why
Alice:(thinking) Edward what are looking at oh

 
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