Dodgers pitchers and catchers are scheduled to report to spring-training camp Tuesday morning, and I am positively certain each one of these things will transpire:
-- Ronald Belisario will not only be there on time, he’ll proudly be wearing a lanyard around his neck holding his visa.
-- Catcher Ted Federowicz will arrive without sporting that 1970s-style mustache. Actually, I have no idea if this is true, I just hope it is.
-- The hearts of every hitter in the National League will skip a beat when Clayton Kershaw announces he has been working with Fernando Valenzuela to develop a screwball.
-- Manager Don Mattingly will have to take 267 razzings for good-naturedly wearing a dress for a charity performance of the "Nutcracker." In the first two hours.
-- Rubby De La Rosa will announce he’s at least two months ahead of schedule in his return from Tommy John surgery.
-- Catcher A.J. Ellis will tweet that Chad Billingsley already looks like he’s in midseason form.
-- Ted Lilly’s fastball will appear another 2 mph slower, and he will somehow manage to use it to his advantage.
-- John Grabow will go around the locker room and shake hands with every player, coach and media member, just to remind them he’s left-handed.
-- Pitching coach Rick Honeycutt will explain to some first-time camper how he was actually the only pitcher to beat the Dodgers in the 1988 World Series.
-- In his first time on the mound, Kenley Jansen will throw absolute smoke.
-- Mike MacDougal will again claim to be 185 pounds.
-- Mattingly will say he’s crazy about his rotation and in love with his bullpen. Heartbreak arrives with the hitters Feb. 27.
-- Steve Dilbeck