Predicting the Dodgers' season: Take it to the bank
Here are this year’s 25 things I absolutely guarantee will happen with the Dodgers this season. As you recall, I went a perfect 25-for-25 last season. Anyway, that's the way I remember it.
1) Fans will wait all the way until the second inning of the season opener before their first brain-dead "Giants suck" chant.
2) The only Dodgers story of national interest this season will continue to be the ownership divorce.
3) Vin Scully will remain the greatest Dodgers treasure ever.
4) Tony Gwynn Jr. will be the Dodgers best center fielder. Unfortunately, he'll play in left.
5) No-shows will hit record numbers, though those numbers won't be released.
6) By mid-May, Jonathan Broxton will have lost his role as the closer. Hope I'm wrong, but can't shake it.
7) Matt Kemp’s bat will return, but defensively he'll still get some of the worst jumps in baseball.
8) The Dodgers won't be able to fight the temptation and by mid-summer will call up right-hander Rubby De La Rosa. And it will work.
9) Nobody will miss Russ Ortiz, Ramon Ortiz or Charlie Haeger. Really, this is progress.
10) James Loney will hit 12 home runs with 102 RBI, and the stat wonks will cry for his head.
11) Jamey Carroll will play almost as many games as he did last season (133), crooked digit and all.
12) After visiting his 23rd ophthalmologist, Jay Gibbons will finally find a pair of contacts that solves his vision trouble.
13) Frank McCourt will be introduced at Dodger Stadium and be booed. Again.
14) Rod Barajas will hit more home runs than Russell Martin managed in the last two seasons combined (12).
15) In August, Ronald Belisario will announce he's going to get that visa any day now.
16) The Dodgers will make last season's .322 on-base percentage look lofty.
17) Don Mattingly will deserve better.
18) Clayton Kershaw will win 15 games, strike out 220 and finish third in the N.L. Cy Young voting.
19) Andre Ethier will have a career year, and then be absolutely certain he'll be non-tendered after the 2012 season.
20) Jamie McCourt will celebrate so wildly after her divorce settlement, she'll balloon to a size 1.
21) Rafael Furcal won't go on the disabled list once all year. I'm feeling dangerous.
22) Kemp will not be romantically linked to a single diva. Tabloid sales plummet.
23) Carlos Santana will threaten to become Ned Colletti’s Pedro Martinez.
24) Regardless of the size of the crowd, stadium concession lines will still go 15 deep.
25) The Dodgers will repeat 2010, going 80-82 and finishing fourth in the N.L. West.
-- Steve Dilbeck
Photo: Matt Kemp will have a comeback year, at least at the plate. Credit: Allen J. Schaben / Los Angeles Times
A philosopher once argued that comedy has a corrective purpose, pulling its targets back into cultural conformity as constructive criticism. Hopefully some of Steve's "tell it like it is" observations will hit their mark while others inspire some needed changes. Lets Flash the old "V" for victory sign everywhere we go this year...now recognized by Dodger fans as "V" for Vin!!
Posted by: Skyharbor | 03/31/2011 at 08:01 AM
In other words, the Dodgers have been mathematically eliminated from the NL West race today.
Posted by: Chumpy Kemp | 03/31/2011 at 08:19 AM
That "mathematically eliminated" figure is highly overrated. By virtue of the team quitting in midseason last year and management doing the same even earlier, it could easily be said that the Blue Crew has been eliminated from this season, next season, and, if we're all still around after Dec 21, 2012, they will have been mathematically elimated from the 2013 season as well!
carry on group
Posted by: Brian | 03/31/2011 at 08:44 AM
McCrap will spend more $$$ on lawyers, empty houses, and his sons for doing nothing than on the ball club.
Posted by: KoufaxFan | 03/31/2011 at 08:48 AM
This year, loving the Dodgers is a sexless marriage.
Boycott.
Posted by: Striker | 03/31/2011 at 08:50 AM
#'s 21 & 25 are dead wrong
Posted by: donlynch | 03/31/2011 at 08:54 AM
Yes, Steve and yes, Chumpy Kemp. Unfortunately, Mattingly will get the blame.
Boo McCourt.
Posted by: Since '58 | 03/31/2011 at 09:17 AM
LOL!
Dewd you are too funny.
I just had almost this exact conversation the other night with a friend.
You know what I always say: When they lose its just baseball, but when they when its a DODGER VICTORY!
Posted by: Gaston Hinostroza | 03/31/2011 at 09:24 AM
I anticipate record sales for paper bags worn over the heads of Dodger fans.
Posted by: Alyssa Milano | 03/31/2011 at 09:32 AM
Agree with 2, 3, 5, 7, 9, 10, 11, 13, 15, 16.
6 should happen sooner than May. Let's see how stubborn Mattingly is to his words of last fall.
Nice touch putting Frank at 13. He's more troublesome than triskaidekaphobia.
Final: 76-86, with a morale-troubled clubhouse and front office and LA Times Dodgers blog.
Posted by: alanw19 | 03/31/2011 at 09:54 AM
I don't think it will go that well.
Posted by: maurie | 03/31/2011 at 10:25 AM
Steve is being a starry-eyed optimist. I quit on the dodgers a month ago and invested all my time in trolling G-nat blogs. Every time they remind me of last 22 years of dodger futility I die inside a little bit. But it's still better than having to face the reality of this team.
I think.
Posted by: WBB | 03/31/2011 at 11:18 AM
“Dem Bums”
Posted by: Todd Johnson | 03/31/2011 at 11:47 AM
Let's stop kidding ourselves folks. Until the McCraps are gone, #3 is the ONLY one that matters. Period.
Posted by: dodgerfan1966 | 03/31/2011 at 11:48 AM
Boycott McCourt! Watch the games on TV and listen to Vin.
Posted by: mardukfan | 03/31/2011 at 11:51 AM
I agree with almost all of that. Especially #25.
Posted by: Hollywood Dodger Mark | 03/31/2011 at 12:18 PM
if Giants sux... Then, why did they win the World Series... L.A. Dodger fans are just plain sore losers.
Posted by: Aida | 03/31/2011 at 12:35 PM
dawgs will be lucky to finish @ .500 (i.e., 81--81)
watching YanX on espn presently, & former backstop martie off to pretty-good start, as just scored a run, & could easily have had 3 hits......
(butt he's no dioner navarro -- LMAO!!!!)
Posted by: nOmOnavrrOOOOOOOO | 03/31/2011 at 12:46 PM
80-82? My you ARE an optimist Steve.
Posted by: Labeldude | 03/31/2011 at 12:47 PM
And I thought rooting for the Nationals was a lost cause.
Posted by: Vincent | 03/31/2011 at 01:03 PM
Lets all wear a shirt that says "SELL" when or if we decide to watch the game.
Posted by: Doyerfan | 03/31/2011 at 01:23 PM
Waytago, Steve...that's a pretty darn good list. I definitely agree with Nos. 3, 10, 11, 13 (a sure thing) and 14. Nos. 20 and 22 are funny, especially 20 re Jamie, and yes, you're probably right about No. 24. As for 25, I think they might finish at .500 or slightly higher, and I tab them for third behind the Giants and Rockies.
Posted by: bob cuomo | 03/31/2011 at 01:48 PM
Schizophrenic list Steve. 25 doesn't match with half the list. If only 19 and 21 were to be realized the Dodgers win more than they lose. Throw in 7,10,14,and 18 and we got a shot at the Pennant. I'm crazy but 14 gives me such a good feeling.
Posted by: N.P.Krohn | 03/31/2011 at 02:10 PM
WBB: This is not the first time you've proclaimed how proud you are of the fact that you have switched to the Giants. Fine. That's your privilege. True Blue Dodger fans will moan and groan and complain about the owner and the GM and second-rate players we get stuck with and the fact the even our own blue-sky Vin doesn't see this team as being anything better than a third-place team. But they're OUR crappy team. We're stuck with them 'till we die. We don't have to like the fact that the owner is who he is. We don't have to like the fact that they're crappy. But we couldn't switch allegiance if we wanted to. And we don't want to. So go troll your Gnats, and be proud of yourself. Just don't do it here. This is a Dodger hangout.
Posted by: BlueinAZ | 03/31/2011 at 02:33 PM
Hi Aida....yeah nice world series victory for the giants last year...as a dodger fan i was impressed...but you guys needed somebody up there to win something...golden state warriors? really? how about them 49ers...lol..who is your QB again? Well at least you can hold on to this for another couple decades...GOO LAKERSSS!!!! lol
Posted by: num1lkrfan | 03/31/2011 at 03:11 PM
So Kemp's bat returns to form, Ethier has a career year, Furcal has an injury free year, Loney goes for 12 HR and 102 RBI, but the Dodgers will fare worse than last year's .322 OBP? That doesn't add up, Steve.
It's hard to condemn Colletti for his 2008 Santana for Blake trade. The Dodgers were contending for a division title, they needed a 3B, and Russell Martin had not yet fallen from glory.
The best trades are when the trades work out for both sides. It's not exactly like the Dodgers were fleeced in this deal. The Dodgers, with Casey Blake, goes to the NLCS twice. Carlos Santana starts this season as the Indians' new starting catcher.
If blame is going to be passed around, aim it at the McCourts for trading young talent rather than putting up money to complete trades. The Indians would have done the Blake deal for $2 mil, but the Dodger cash was already committed to the McCourt's lavish spending habits (houses, vacations, fortune tellers, fake jobs for the kids, etc.).
19K at the home opener at the Ravine was somewhat shocking. It wasn't long ago that the Freeway Series would easily draw 40-45K. The fans are definitely not coming this season.
Posted by: RunsWithScissors | 03/31/2011 at 04:01 PM
I have to say that those look like very accurate predictions, I have trouble finding one that I don't agree with. Very Good. IMO.
Posted by: OldBrooklynFan | 03/31/2011 at 04:58 PM