Frank and Jamie McCourt, the psychic and secrets of another realm

Excuse me while I attempt to fan myself through this haze of incense while consulting my Ouija Board to figure out what in the hell to make of the McCourts now.

Listen, maybe you thought they were self-absorbed or insanely overindulgent or less than taxpaying citizens … but did you ever think they were just plain freakin` weird?

I’m still trying to absorb Bill Shaikin’s incredible story on Dodgers owners Frank and Jamie McCourt secretly hiring a Russian faith healer/physicist to send some kind of cosmic positive vibes from New England to help the Dodgers win.

I can’t even believe I just wrote that.

If I tried to pitch this story in Hollywood, I’d get laughed out of town. Can’t you just hear it?

"No, really, there’s this Rasputin dude who has these special healing powers. Think Tom Cruise with long stringy hair! Maybe he can dance like in `Tropic Thunder.’ And he’s back in his unknown Boston suburb, kinda meditating and channeling all this special energy to the Dodgers. No, honest! And the Dodgers owners are paying him over 6k to do it! Wait, it gets better, he claims it’s science!’"

You will now be given a moment to scream. Or take a long shower.

Somewhere there is a guy named Vladimir Shpunt, 71, a Russian émigré who said he has three degrees in physics and once was a serious scientist before giving all that silliness up after discovering he had his own version of laying on of hands.

He worked for the Dodgers in super-secret for five years, up until 2008. And here you wondered why Manny Ramirez went south in 2009.

Now you have to give the McCourts credit for one thing: They said they’d do whatever it took to win.

Coming soon: McCourts consult with Chinese shaman who claims he talks to Obi-Wan Kenobi to help Dodgers feel power of the force.

Shpunt said this sending of positive energy is tough work and his blood pressure could jump to maybe 200. This guy doesn’t need a crystal ball when he works, he needs paramedics.

His -- what? -- representative, Barry Cohen, said Shpunt doesn’t promise a team will necessarily win, just that his energy will provide a team with a 10% to 15% improvement.

And this guy is currently a free agent? Maybe the Padres hired him in the off-season. Nothing else can explain the Padres.

Just imagine how bad the Dodgers would have been in 2005 when they lost 91 games if there’d been no Shpunt.

This whole thing is so completely wacky, that with the McCourts already in a contentious divorce, you’ll be stunned to learn that Frank says hiring Shpunt was Jamie’s idea and Jaimie said it was Frank’s.

This is the greatest, strangest, most otherworldly divorce in the history of mankind. Or at least those parts of mankind we actually understand.

Shpunt was apparently upset that The Times had discovered his identity, that in losing his anonymity he would be caricatured.

Really? A Russian scientist turned faith healer who closes his eyes and sends positive energy from 3,000 miles away so the Dodgers can play a little better? That requires exaggeration for comic effect?

Charlatans have been around since the invention of the first coin, but somehow you just don’t imagine the owners of a major league team getting duped.

Then again, right now you can’t possibly pretend to know what to expect from the McCourts. Except for maybe eerie music when they enter a room.

-- Steve Dilbeck

Comments

[neoncactus]

Nobody ever said you had to be smart to own a sports team -- just rich

[88]

hahaha. i love it! if the mccourts are smart they'll turn this in their favor in terms of merchandising and fan moral. where the angels have the 'rally monkey' we have 'V'-Energy! i'd buy that t-shirt. can you emagine it, world series, game on the line, 9th inning, eithier at bat to win the game and the whole of dodger stadium arms extended doing the V-energy vodoo?! thats awesome.

[Me]

He is not a charlatan, he is not paid millions$, and he really helped a lot of people....Don't laugh at something you have no idea about...

...the way this story is written - that IS bizarre indeed...He said, she said...

[Anon]

hm...take a look at the Dodgers starting end of April...

[Doc Häagen-Dazs]

This is dotting the I's & crossing the T's on my theme that there is too much wealth in this country. Frankie & Jamie have more than they know what to do with.

[Doc Häagen-Dazs]

"Excessive wealth", I should have said.

[givemeschottzie]

mc"cheaps" both are completely PSYCHO........
they have unique capacity to make Marge Schott appear sane!

[Dave Wyman]

I'm fairly certain I caused Matt Kemp to whack his 10th inning home run a few days ago. Without my extra help, the ball quite possibly would have fallen short.

I'd been nodding off on the couch, and woke to see Kemp at the plate. I thought to myself, "This has gone on long enough! Knock it outta da park!"

This is not to say that I was completely responsible, as I'm sure Matt had something to do with it, too. However, if Frank and/or Jaimie McCourt are reading these words, I want them to know that they may hire my services to help them secure a pennant this year, and I come a lot cheaper the "Vlad" does. I'll work for peanuts (and a frozen malt and a couple of seats somewhere along the third base line).

The McCourts should be warned, though, that the negative feelings from fans that are going to result from this story might very well torpedo the season for the Dodgers. Frankly, I want to know if the increase in parking fees are related to the pay Vlad has received for his services? What about the cost of Dodger dogs?

In fact, now that I think about it, if I DON'T get paid in peanuts, malts, and a seats along the third base line, I can imagine a scenario whereby the Dodgers lose their next 15 or 20 or 30 games.

I just hope Jamie, and/or Frank are reading this. Then again, they don't have to, as I'm now beaming my thoughts directly to them.

Mmmmm.......peanuts!

[Hollywood Dodger Mark]

This is one of the most amazing baseball stories ever written. I an stunned. Who knew we had Czar Nicholas II and his wife as owners!

[Hollywood Dodger Mark]

One of the odd angles is the Jason Werth story. Remember he threatened to sue the Dodgers for the insane medical treatment they provided for his wrist. He was caught off guard by the question. I think he received and out of court settlement and might have signed a non-disclosure. Just a theory.

[These Dodgers Suck]

Outside of the obvious new age mumbo-jumbo, is the fact that this Svengali like character has apparently taken the lead in building this team /// shocking!

so much for Colletti's contributions - dubious as they were in my mind anyway.

Most disturbing however is that he apparently called the shots on letting go of Jim Tracy and Paul Depodesta.
Who knows? He might have been the one who sent Paul Loduca packing as well?
Do you think that he was insturmental in the Manny aquisition too? I sure do!

What a joke and laughing stock this team has become ....
but now, I find myself here laughing the loudest at the idiots who are supporting this nonsense ...

Luckily Walter Alston is no where near Dodger stadium these days or the tire tracks of the McCourt "make-happy machine" would likely be across his back too.

[These Dodgers Suck]

another quick point: this explains the Zombie-like expression and the way Frank McCourt has carried himself lately ...

and btw Steve, you can count on me always to be working in the background, acting as a counter-balance to this metaphysical Russian threat to the All American values of Truth, Justice and keeping the NL Pennant away from Chavez Ravine!

[Dodger_fan_in_Michigan]

Dear McCourts,

I think you owe me some money - I watched almost every game from my home the past two years. My positive energy has been instrumental in helping the team win back to back NL West titles and advancing to the NLCS. Frank and Jamie please pay me six figures for my services!!!

P.S. If you throw in a bonus, I'll give the team enough positive energy to make it past the Phillies this year!

[Scott]

Hey Frank -

I got a guy who can build an invisible roof over Dodger Stadium for only 3 million bucks. You'll never have to worry about a rainout again.

[Dallas]

It's time they sell the team to a true baseball person, or family, & without all these B*S distractions, as this will continue to mount; the jokes of them spending all that money on an old man, sitting in front of his TV, thinking good thoughts & this divorce mess will be ongoing & will, as it has already, affect the salaries of this team.

Frank, grow a pair, do what's best for the Dodgers, fire Dread, then sell this team before it becomes the laughing stock of MLB!

This team needs to move past all the new & ongoing B*S!

[T Hud]

Didn't the last Czar and his Czarina hire a Russian psychic before they lost their crowns?

[rolie]

OUIJA Board For The Win!

[Bart A]

That's what happens when Major League Baseball does not adequately vett potential franchise owners. You can't tell me that there wasn't some wacky (stuff) they pulled while they lived in Boston.

[men who stare at goats]

Please read the book, "The Field", before you laugh at this. Leading scientific research in physics and molecular biology are proving out these "new age" claims as something that many, especially indigenous cultures, have been practicing successfully since the age of man. Keep an open mind people. Most of you call yourself religious and practice prayer. Isn't that the same thing -- directed conscious thought?

[blueeyedgal]

Dangit, he got paid 6K for that?

Why, I could've lit my incense and done my New Age mojo for them for a meager 22 game ticket package!