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| July 2007 »
Things to do and watch while waiting for the Avengers’ nationally televised Monday night playoff opener . . .
San Diego Padres at Dodgers (tonight through Sunday): Just back from a 3-1 trip to Arizona, the Dodgers begin a three-game set against San Diego tonight, taking into the opener a 1-8 record against SoCal rivals the Padres (0-3) and the Angels (1-5) since mid-May. . . . Good thing for Ned Colletti there is no recruiting in major league baseball. Can you imagine him trying to sell his program against Bill Stoneman (“Check out the diamonds in this 2002 championship ring, son”) and Kevin Towers (“If you don’t count the Angels, we kind of own L.A.”)? . . . Key pitching matchup is Saturday’s -- Jake Peavy (9-2, 2.14) versus Brad Penny (10-1, 2,04). To the winner goes the NL’s starting assignment in the June 10 All-Star Game? Or, perhaps, the loser?
Angels at Baltimore Orioles (today through Sunday): The Best Team In Baseball (*Except Against The Royals) opened a nine-game trip today at Camden Yards, which, Angels all exhale, is located a long, long ways from Kansas City’s Kaufmann Stadium. . . . The Angels are also gearing up for Sunday’s “2007 MLB All-Star Game Selection Show” (TBS, 1 p.m.). After pushing the envelope with this team for years, Angels Manager Mike Scioscia has taken to pushing the ballot, operating on the platform that the Angels merit six players in the game. Vlad Guerrero is a lock. Also K-Rod and Sunday’s starting pitcher, John Lackey (10-5, 2.99). Orlando Cabrera will likely draw a backup nod behind Derek Jeter at shortstop. Kelvim Escobar, who started today’s series opener, has a lower ERA than Lackey. On the bubble is middle reliever Scot Shields, who has a 1.90 ERA but is, alas, a middle reliever.
New England Revolution at Chivas USA (Saturday, 7:30 p.m.): All of U.S. soccer is trying to gather its breath, its wits and its senses after this sobering score from Copa America Thursday: Argentina 4, USA 1. . . . Dorothy, we’re not in the Gold Cup anymore. . . . As Bob Bradley’s current team goes through all sorts of therapy as it braces for Monday’s Copa America match against Paraguay, his old team hosts the MLS East-leading Revolution. Chivas is coming off a tire-puncture of its own -- a 4-0 rout by the Houston Dynamo on June 21. MLS schedule-makers, ever-prescient, thought it good sense to book the Goats with eight days off in order to recover.
Chicago Sky at Sparks (Sunday, 6:30 p.m.): All last season in the WNBA, the Sky was falling. The 2006 expansion franchise debuted with all the panache of a burned-out satellite chunk -- 29 losses in 34 games. . . . I love this notation in the Sky’s Wikipedia entry: "2006 Season: 5-29. 2007 Season: 4-5. Playoffs: 0-0." . . . And this one: “The Sky are not considered a sister team to the Chicago Bulls.” No wonder.
This was the week L.A. hoops fans were taken to school and re-educated about a certain fact of life in the NBA -- i.e., the Minnesota Timberwolves, the Indiana Pacers and the rest of the league do not exist solely for the pleasure and privilege of serving the Lakers’ championship needs. . . .
1. Kevin Garnett: Fact: Garnett says he wouldn’t mind moving to the Pacific Division. How Lakers fans interpreted that: “YES!!! Kobe and Garnett TOGETHER!!! The glory days are B-A-C-K!!!” Reality: Garnett was referring to the Phoenix Suns, or maybe Golden State.
2. NBA Western Conference: Portland (Greg Oden) and Seattle (Kevin Durant) just got a whole lot better. If Garnett moves to Phoenix, the Suns also rise. Even the Clippers made an upgrade with their draft. The Lakers don’t need to keep Kobe –- they need to find a genetics engineer who can replicate the ‘92 Olympic Dream Team.
3. Cause is not lost, L.A. fans: Garnett or no Garnett, what if I told you a big-name superstar is bound for L.A.? A name so big there really is none bigger? Someone who can turn around the athletic fortunes of a team, a city, a league and an entire country? Someone more famous than Kobe and more popular than Shaq, Dwyane Wade and Steve Nash put together? Ladies and gentlemen of L.A., I bring you . . . David Beckham.
4. Oden or Durant?: If Oden was such a sure thing, why are so many people in Seattle feeling so undepressed today?
5. Craig Biggio: Collects his 3,000th hit during Thursday’s NBA Draft and ESPN doesn’t see fit to cut-away to cover this bit of breaking news. Was that because Biggio plays in Houston and not for the Yankees or the Mets? Was it because Biggio was thrown out on the play trying to stretch a single? Was it because everybody back at Bristol left the building as soon as Stephen A. Smith started screaming?
6. Frank Thomas: Remember when 500 home runs used to be a big deal? As of Opening Day 1987, there were a dozen names in the 500 club. Today there are 21. Steroids? What steroids?
7. Victoria Beckham: She wowed the crowd when she soft-tossed the first pitch at Dodger Stadium. She helped re-unite the Spice Girls -- for better or worse, a considerable feat, you must admit. So do you suppose her husband might be able to win a few games with the Galaxy?
8. NBA China: Disney wants to buy in and own a franchise. Disney plans to call it “the Mighty Peking Ducks of Beijing.”
9. Wimbledon: I think somebody said something about a tennis tournament being played on some grass somewhere. But I could be wrong. I was going over my mock draft at the time.
10. Kobayashi: The hot dog-scarfing dynasty is doubtful for Wednesday’s Nathan’s Famous title defense after, it says here, “suffering a serious jaw injury while training.” It seems the old equipment isn’t what it used to be. Eventually, it happens to all the great ones.
21. Philadelphia selects Daequan Cook. And then the 76ers trade him to Miami for Jason Smith. . . . Too bad. Bilas described Smith as “a workout wonder.” Had he stayed in Miami, he could have invited Shaq as a guest pupil to his fitness reality show, “Jason’s Big Challenge.”
22. Sacramento selects Jared Dudley. Graphic says “Must improve foot speed.” How true. He stayed at Boston College for four seasons -- he didn’t have the hops to jump any earlier.
23. New York Knicks select Wilson Chandler. And a while before this, the Knicks acquired Zach Randolph in a five-player package that sends Steve Francis and Channing Frye to Portland. . . . Spike Lee and the theater crowd love this trade. Lee goes so wild he actually goes on camera to praise Isiah Thomas! Really! Lee actually said, “Zeke knows how to pick players in a draft.” Really! It’s on videotape!
24. Phoenix selects Rudy Fernandez. And then the Suns sell the Spanish guard to Portland . . . When the Trailblazers decide to clean house, they do not mess around.
25. Utah selects Morris Almond. An obvious ploy for the Jazz to move lots of Almond Joy bars at concession stands during home games.
26. Houston selects Aaron Brooks. Oakland Raiders fans scream at the TV set, “No! No! Not him, Rockets! You’ll be sorry!” . . . Then someone hands them some more beers and informs, “Different Aaron Brooks.”
27. Detroit selects Arron Afflalo. UCLA’s Pac-10 Player of the Year fits the Detroit Pistons Official Backcourt Player Template. . . . Bilas calls him “big” and “strong” and a “very good defender.” . . . Afflalo went to two straight Final Fours at one level, looks destined to continue that trend on the next one.
28. San Antonio selects Tiago Splitter. Sounds like a pitch that’s pretty effective in the Brazilian Baseball Assn.
29. Phoenix selects Alando Tucker. The Suns do not sell this pick to Portland. Must be a keeper.
30. Philadelphia selects Petteri Koponen. Sounds like a great pick-up for the Flyers. But it will never happen. The 76ers turn around and trade Koponen to Portland. Because? Just because. Everybody else is doing it.
Just as I was about to write about the Lakers’ pick, Typepad, the blogging software used by the Times went pffffft!!, went down, is TKO as we now speak. The 16-18 picks were Nick Young to Washington (USC guard goes coast-to-coast); Boston Colege’s Sean Williams to New Jersey (lots of baggage to store at Nets training camp); and Marco Bilinelli of Italy to Golden State (pronounced "Belly-Nelly." Is that a draft choice or a diss on the Warriors’ coach?)
Onto the big moment, now . . .
19. LAKERS SELECT JAVARIS CRITTENTON. Which gives the ESPN crew the opening it has been waiting for all evening – back to Kobe & Garnett! . . . In big breaking news: Garnett’s not coming. Kobe wants to be traded. . . . Dick Vitale throws his hat into the Out-Scream Screamin A. Sweepstakes: "I am TIRED OF KOBE BRYANT!!! He is NOT GOING TO BE TRADED!!! That’s DUMB!!! Almost as DUMB as Tony Parker saying he’d rather sleep with his NBA trophy than with Eva Longoria!!!" . . . You know, this time Dickie V happens to be right. . . . ESPN throws it out to Gray, who has cornered poor, poor Mitch Kupchak. . . . Kupchak looks as if he hasn’t slept in three weeks. . . . Gray asks Kupchak if there are any untouchables on the Lakers roster. Pause. Kupchak looks like he might need to nod off. . . . Finally, the Lakers GM replies, "No. I’m not sure any general manager can say that." . . . NOW he comes around . . . "Nobody is untouchable," Kupchak repeats. . . . Where was this sentence in June 2004? And if Kupchak had said that sentence back then, where would the Lakers’ be drafting tonight – 29th or 30th? . . . After a few more painful moments devoted to the topic of Phil Jackson, post-hip surgery (Kupchak: "He is going to be our coach next season"), Screamin is back on camera (bad move) to loudly profess, "I feel sorry for (Kupchak)! He’s looks like he’s going to cry! I don’t blame him! He’s working for the Buss family! They don’t give him room to operate!" . . . Screamin is right about that. I still didn’t like hearing it. Not that way. I am going on record with this: I blame the messenger, not the message.
20. Miami selects Jason Smith.
(Oh, wait. What about Crittenton? You know, the guy the Lakers drafted before everybody at ESPN went off on Kobe N’ Kupchak? . . . Bilas calls him "a big, strong guard who can get to the rim. He has a lot of potential." . . . So the Lakers have that going for them. . . . Which is nice . . . Speaking of "Caddyshack," whatever happened to Daddy Shaq?)
11. Atlanta selects Acie Law IV. Many mock drafts had Law IV going to the Clips at No. XIV . . . Uh oh . . . If that's the name the Clips also had jotted down on their rough draft, you know what that means . . . That's right. Elgin Baylor has to scramble . . . Uh oh.
12. Philadelphia selects Thaddeus Young. He's the sixth freshman to be taken in the top 12. . . . ESPN cuts away to an interview with Hawks GM Billy Knight. After those few minutes of delusional optimism, Mike Tirico holds up the new-look Hawks jersey, noting that the little hawk on the back "looks a little meaner." The Arizona Cardinals also toughened up the bird on their helmet a few seasons back. We saw where that got them.
13. New Orleans selects Julian Wright. Wright is a sophomore. What's that old guy doing in there? . . . Clips are next . . . So, Clip fans. Are you feeling lucky?
14. CLIPPERS SELECT AL THORNTON. He's a senior, so the Clips just got a lot older. . . . He also comes from Florida State, a football school that last had an NBA lottery selection 12 years ago. . . . Wonder where Bobby Bowden had Thornton going in his mock draft. . . . UCLA football fans thrilled by this pick . . . Screamin also likes this pick: "Ex-ACTLY what the Clippers need in terms of athleticism and aggression!" . . . Clip fans mutter in unison: Uh oh . . . A little earlier, Screamin revisits Irony City by shouting that "a lack of discipline was (the Clips') problem last season!" . . . No comment by anybody else on the set . . . Hel-LO, people! Is anyone even paying attention to this stuff? . . . Thornton's penalty for being the last player chosen in the '07 lottery is to endure an interview with Scott, who notes that Thornton is 24 and asks the player what that will mean for him as he enters the league. "I think I am more mature," Thornton replies . . . Sounds about right.
15. Detroit selects Rodney Stuckey. Meanwhile, it's nervous time for Lakers fans. Their team's first selection is now only four picks away . . . On the bright side, Kobe Bryant is still on the roster. So far.
6. Milwaukee selects Yi Jianlian. In 2003, Time Magazine touted him as "the next Yao Ming." Today on ESPN.com, Chad Ford says his game is similar to Toni Kukoc . . . What are we supposed to believe? . . . We know what the Bucks want to believe.
7. Minnesota selects Corey Brewer. That's it! Garnett now says, "I want to stay!"
8. Charlotte selects Brandan Wright. Homer pick.
9. Chicago selects Joakim Noah. Noah shows up to the biggest night of his professional life wearing a beige seersucker suit apparently moth-balled in the back of a forgotte closet since dad Yannick's junior-high prom . . . He's all yours, Chicago! . . . Bilas likes this pick, noting that Noah is a unique athlete because he hates to lose . . . This apparently discounts millions of athletes now playing on every level in America from pro to Little League . . . Says Bilas: "I'd rather have a guy who hates to lose than one who simply loves to win." . . . Right. Kobe says he hates to lose, absolutes detests it. And any day now, the Lakers could lose him . . . Screamin A does not like the pick . . . OK. Here we go . . . Screamin accuses the Bulls of not addressing their needs. He doesn't immediately elaborate, but I'm assuming he means the Bulls need players who know how to dress in public . . . Screamin calls Noah "a high-energy guy." Finally, an understatement from him. Then, Screamin goes off on one of his trademark rants, saying the Bulls already have too many high-energy guys . . . Nobody at ESPN notes the bone-aching irony overwhelming this moment. . . . Hey! Bristol! Someone's asleep at the switch!
10. Sacramento selects Spencer Hawes. That is NOT Spencer Haywood. . . . It is worth noting that subtle difference . . . Bilas thinks Spencer Hawes-not-Haywood needs work. He is "not a great athlete," Bilas says. . . . Asked about this a few moments later by Stuart Scott, Hawes does not climb all over Scott to get a few punches in on Bilas. Instead, he answers politely that, yes, he needs to improve his game . . . The Kings draft a good team guy.
ESPN displays a shot of a Portland-area billboard asking Trailblazers fans to "Honk Once" if you want the team to draft Greg Oden or "Honk Twice" for Kevin Durant. How cute. Down here, basketball fans hear something new about Kobe on the radio and they drive off the road . . . Making matters worse down here, Stephen A. Smith was given a seat on the set and a credential and -- horrors! -- a microphone for this Draft. He is shouting now, for no easily apparent reason, and not making much sense . . . For ESPN, this is the Red Auerbach cigar in reverse. This means ESPN is ready to bring us the draft. . . . But are we? . . . Either way, here we go:
1. Portland selects Oden. Lots of honking going on in Portland. And among ESPN's fawning analyst crew . . . Oddly, nobody at ESPN thinks a live remote interview with Sam Bowie is in order . . . I certainly do . . . Off camera, Durant is now receiving a congratulatory phone call from Michael Jordan.
2. Seattle selects Durant. Jay Bilas says this is "perhaps the easiest draft pick in NBA history -- Kevin Durant went at No. 2." . . . Good one, Bilas . . . Portland brass already experiencing buyer's remorse . . . Bilas continues. He says Durant is "a scoring savant." . . . Should have stopped when you were ahead, Bilas.
3. Atlanta selects Al Horford. Poor kid . . . Al goes to the Atlanta Hawks of the Bermuda Triangle, 19 years after dad Tito went to the Milwaukee Bucks . . . Think about that a moment . . . What did the Horford family ever do to deserve this? What a terribly star-crossed family! Right now, the "Outside The Lines" staff is putting together a tear-inducing 30-minute special on the Horfords.
4. Memphis selects Mike Conley. That's two Ohio State players taken in the top 4. . . . Thad Matta really did a bad job in that final.
5. Boston selects Jeff Green. ESPN reports that Boston made this pick for the Sonics, who have agreed to trade Ray Allen to the Celtics. Earlier, ESPN's analysts debate the Celtics' strategy behind this move. Screamin A., liking what Boston is doing, screams: "If you're not gonna win, you might as well make money while losing!" . . . Uplifting, inspirational life philosophy from Screamin A. Hallmark is planning a new card series.
Pre-Draft: ESPN is bringing us this NBA Draft from WaMu Theater in Madison Square Garden, aka "Depression City" for fans of the Lakers . . . A half-hour before the first pick is due to be made, Ric Bucher reports that "Kevin Garnett will not be moved tonight. It will be revisited this summer." . . . Not good news for Lakers fans: Bucher next says Phoenix remains Garnett's most-preferred destination . . . Actually, that is dire news for Lakers fans. If Garnett goes to Phoenix, where do the possibly Kobe-less Lakers go? To the CBA? . . . A few minutes later, Jim Gray, reporting from L.A., declares, melodramatically, that "As of right now, there is absolutely nothing on the table" in regards to a Lakers-Timberwolves deal. The way this is presented by Gray, Lakers fans should promptly don armbands colored black . . . Worse yet, Gray goes on to tease that his "sources up north" tell him that "Golden State is tip-toeing into the Kevin Garnett sweepstakes." . . . Lakers fans everywhere watching this have two immediate reactions: 1. "Golden State?!?" 2. "I never did like Jim Gray."
To anyone reading this who fondly recalls the satistifying thump! of a morning newspaper on the front porch and breakfast coffee poured while poring over carefully crafted prose and headlines, my heartiest apologies for the above headline. It's a perplexing new cyberworld out here, with focus groups "indicating" that Webpage viewers use a virtual 35-second shot clock when clicking onto a link that might momentarily catch their ever-fluttering attention.
So, as veteran newspaper journalists re-positioning ourselves for future-shock-is-already-here survival mode, we have been lectured to keep it tight, keep it bright, keep it snappy and keep Kobe in there as much as possible. In fact, it is my opinion that Kings Web stories would be much, much better-read if they were linked to the standing headline needed at least once a month for Lakers games, "Kobe Skates Again In Final Period."
Now that I have mentioned Kobe twice in this post -- four including the headline -- I will fulfill the recommended minimum requirement with six more. Bear with me for a moment as I take care of contractual obligations . . .
Tonight is the 2007 NBA Draft, and Kobe (that's 5!) is still a Laker.
The Clippers, who were played pretty badly by Kobe (6!) after the 2004 season, will try to avoid getting burned again when they make the 14th overall selection tonight.
The Lakers, who would really, really like to know Kobe's (7!) plans before making a commitment to a young newcomer, will draft 19th, whether Kobe (8!) likes it or not.
And then . . . hmm . . . am stumped now . . . and still two short . . .
Oh, wait. I got it!
Kobe! Kobe! Kobe!
We are in! With 11! Strike up the celebratory music, "Me Myself, and I" by De La Soul! We needed only 10, but just like the volume knob in "Spinal Tap," this one goes to 11!
Now for a little talk about mock drafts. I have long thought the terms "mock draft" and "Clippers," when used together in some combination within the same sentence, conjured a different meaning than in most mock draft applications. No one has any real need to conduct a mock draft when it comes to Clippers. Every June, the draft mocks the Clippers without any other bit of external help required.
Several mock drafts anticipating the newest draft destined to mock the Clippers have Club Elgin taking Texas A & M guard Acie Law with the 14th overall selection. In that Law's legs are not mending or pushing 38, the Clippers would appear to have a place for such a guard.
And then, after the Clips draft him and contract talks break down and the kid decides he'd rather jump to Europe, we can punch another button on the SoCal Basketball Celebratory Jukebox with "I Fought The Law (And The Law Won). I prefer the Clash cover version.
The Lakers, drafting 19th overall and over some kind of barrel, would like some resolution in the Kobe (12!) saga before committing to a new big contract. Some mock draft have the Lakers drafting Javaris Crittenton, a 6-5 freshman from Georgia Tech who could play the big guard angle in the triangle offense. The knock on Crittenton, according to scouts, is that he is immature. And the scouts' point is . . . ?
The Lakers know the drill when it comes to immature guards. And with that, I will now leave any and all potential Kobe (13!) punchlines to you.
Back in a few hours to blog on the draft, and to see if Kobe (14!) stays or Kobe (15!) goes or the Lakers franchise vaporizes right before our eyes.
On the eve of SoCal's most NBA important draft in years, with the Lakers and the Clippers needing to strike gold (platinum?) at least once, fans of both teams are feeling a little like the Ducks during much of the Stanley Cup playoffs: playing shorthanded.
How would you like to put your life or your life savings in the hands of Mitch Kupchak or Elgin Baylor? Wait! Come back! By running to the hills now, you’ll miss the rest of the 2007 L.A. GM Top Ten (or is it Bottom Ten?) Countdown!
From the newly crowned best general manager in SoCal to the newly christened worst, here we go:
1. Brian Burke (Ducks): No argument allowed. The. Ducks. Just. Won. The. Stanley. Cup.
2. Bill Stoneman (Angels): In 2002, he oversaw the Greatest Miracle Katella Ever Saw (2007 Ducks included). Since then, the Angels reached the 2005 ALCS and right now are looking like the very best team in baseball, not including games played against the Kansas City Royals. Critics (everybody has them, don’t they?) insist Stoneman just sits around and waits for Mike Scioscia and/or the Good-Luck Lightning Bolt to strike. Still, Sitting Still Bill has overseen the arrival of Vlad Guerrero, Orlando Cabrera, Gary Matthews, Jr., Bartolo Colon, and Kelvim Escobar, along with the seeding of a now-bountiful farm system. The Angels have come a long way since Whitey Herzog.
3. Penny Toler (Sparks): Under her direction, the Sparks won consecutive WNBA championships in 2001-2002 and almost three-peated before a final-round loss to Detroit in 2003. Unlike another gold-and-purple Staples basketball tenant that lost the big one to Detroit around that time, the Sparks did not implode afterward and Toler did not trade Lisa Leslie for a used sofa, a BETA video player and a bag of magic beans.
4. Ned Colletti (Dodgers): He inherited one of the most gnarly sanitation projects in SoCal sports history, having to clean up not only the organizational mess left behind by the DePodesta-Malone Errors but also the public-relations oil spill caused by the wreck of the Exxon McCourt. He not only signed Nomar Garciaparra, the catalyst to last year’s playoff berth, but re-signed him to the half-pleasure half-amazement of Dodgers fans. Also on the plus side, he brought in Rafael Furcal, Takashi Saito, Luis Gonzalez and Randy Wolf. It’s still early, but it looks as if he over-reached on Juan Pierre. As for Jason Schmidt? Hey, stuff happens.
5. Javier Leon (Chivas USA): The Goats do things differently, as Galaxy fans are starting to notice, and covet. Considering the hands-on co-ownership of Jorge Vergara and Antonio Cue, this entry should probably read “Chivas Brain Trust.” But we need one name, so Leon gets the nod. The Goats have continued to improve since their 2005 inception, keeping Preki as coach created a sense of continuity throughout the organization, and Maykel Galindo has been an inspired find.
6. Dean Lombardi (Kings): He’s still buying time with his San Jose reputation, the benefit-of-the-doubt factor still sustaining him. But that life preserver is starting to lose air. Jack Johnson gives Kings fans some optimism, but Dan Cloutier counter-acts that shred of hope with depression. And the drafting of Thomas Hickey has raised a lot of eyebrows. As Lombardi has discovered, it can be difficult explaining a Hickey, either to a spouse or to a bunch of frustrated hockey fans.
7. Alexi Lalas (Galaxy): Lalas’ recent comments comparing MLS to the English Premier League suggest the Iconoclastic One has lost something -- either his mind or his credibility or both. David Beckman was thrust upon him by the AEG empire builders, leaving Lalas to deal with the after-shock -- and the daunting assignment of assembling a cohesive complimentary cast. The Chris Klein trade could come back to haunt. And considering the ages of Beckham, Klein, Abel Xavier and Cobi Jones, it was difficult last weekend to tell the Galaxy alumni all-stars from the 2007 regulars.
8. Elgin Baylor (Clippers): After years of “arrow down” on rankings such as this one, Baylor got a very rare bump up after the Clips’ second-round achievement in 2006. (How much of the club’s roster improvement was due to Mike Dunleavy’s input?) A year later, the Clips are back in the lottery, familiar yet hardly comfortable territory for them. Will 2006 simply be remembered as one of those planets-were-properly-aligned flukes? Baylor is back on the clock.
9. Mitch Kupchak (Lakers): We all know he is no Jerry West. No need to pour it on here. But would the Lakers and their strung-out-to-the-max fans be in this predicament without Kupchak’s brick-headed nobody’s-untouchable-except-Kobe comment after the ’04 Finals. The SoCal hoops equivalent of Buzzie Bavasi’s infamous “We can replace (Nolan Ryan) with two 8-7 pitchers” foot-in-the-mouth.
10. Kobe Bryant (Team Pluto): Ever since 2004, when the Lakers’ front-office philosophy switched from "Preferrably Proactive" to "Just Please Kobe," a) Shaq has been traded /given away; b) Karl Malone retired and Derek Fisher jumped to Golden State just to get the hell out of there; c) Kobe’s hand-selected replacement for Phil Jackson, Mike Kzyzewski, found a quick and easy way to refuse an offer that supposedly couldn’t be; d) free-agent all-stars no longer view the Lakers as a destination jewelry store; e) Kobe has made it so the Lakers will never get anything close to equal value should they have to trade Kobe. And look what he did to the Clippers. The only name on this list who messed up two local franchises.
0: Number of major-league home runs owned by Tony Abreu before his 10th-inning pinch-hit home run won Tuesday's game for the Dodgers, 6-5, over Arizona.
0: Number of basehits collected by Nomar Garciaparra in his first start at third base.
0: Number of errors committed by Garciaparra in this first start at third base.
0: Number of fielding chances by Garciaparra in his first start at third base. All night, nothing was hit to him. That is one way to make this thing work -- Operation "No More At Nomar" fully underway!
0: Number of times the Angels have defeated the American League's worst team, Kansas City, during this current Angel Stadium homestand.
0: Number of baseball pundits who expected the Angels to be 0-2 on this homestand against the Royals, who pounded Ervin Santana for seven runs in five innings during a 12-4 Kansas City victory.
0: Comments to reporters made by Santana -- the Angel's Good Santana Twin, the so-called Always Safe At Home Santana -- after the game.
0: Number of Kevin Garnett trade proposals the Minnesota Timberwolves have accepted from the Lakers.
0: Chances Kobe Bryant will want to remain a Laker if the above statistic remains at 0.
0: Gilbert Arenas' jersey number. Is he still gettable?
As Lakers fans dream and hallucinate and fiendishly rub hands together as they root for Jerry Buss and Mitch Kupchak to pull a Vikings-style raid and rid Minnesota of its oppressive guilt pangs over never giving Kevin Garnett a championship-caliber supporting cast, the question needs to be asked: Haven’t we taken enough from Minnesota already?
First we took the state’s beloved five-time NBA champion, thus depriving the Twin Cities of nine more basketball titles -- and the Clippers of having to move there to become joint-tenants of the Target Center, where they too would know the heart-warming joy of having to shovel snow off the hoods of their cars after home games. Think of what 14 years of Jerry West, followed by 12 years of Magic Johnson, would have meant to sports fans in Minnesota, who have been tortured in their own way by the Vikings, lost their beloved North Stars to Dallas, and wouldn’t have anything to show for the last 48 post-Lakers years if Calvin Griffith hadn’t ripped the Senators out of D.C. the way Bob Short ripped the Lakers out of Minneapolis. (On the other hand, the civic angst generated by the Schizophrenic Kobe Years would have caused the locals there to re-nickname Minneapolis and St. Paul as the “Twin-Personalities Cities.”)
After pillaging one of the two greatest NBA franchises ever, we then also grabbed:
-- The 1965 World Series championship, after the Twins led the Dodgers, 3 games to 2.
-- The Twins’ greatest-ever singles hitter, Rod Carew, who helped the Angels win their first two division titles in 1979 and 1982.
-- Mickey Hatcher, a key role player in two SoCal World Series titles -- as a utility player for the 1988 Dodgers and a hitting coach for the 2002 Angels, who along the way also took the ’02 Åmerican League Championship Series away from the Twins.
-- The 2003 NHL Western Conference title, wrested from the Wild by the Ducks en route to their first Stanley Cup Finals appearance.
-- The 2004 NBA Western Conference title, which many consider the high-water mark of the Timberwolves’ 18-year existence. Mostly, however, it was just the biggest tease of Garnett’s 12-year NBA career.
That was the last time Garnett qualified for the playoffs (a drought no doubt helped along by the Clippers’ acquisition of T-Wolves’ guard Sam Cassell in 2005).
Most of the Lakers’ fans now flooding the Times’ Website with “SPEND THE MONEY, JERRY!!!” emails are too young to remember, but there was a time, circa 1969-1977, when Minnesota kept stealing potential Super Bowl appearances away from L.A.
If Garnett goes, Minnesota fans will undoubtedly cry out, “Haven’t we paid enough for those Vikings’ playoff crushers against the Rams?” As an old L.A. Rams fan whose youth was torturously warped by those almost-annual Christmas killers, I say: Not even close.
Psst! Do I have a hot piece of videotape for you! It’s a video destined to change the course of Dodgers history! I can’t tell you how or where I got it (although I really do hope I had my VCR correctly programmed to ESPN Monday night), but I guarantee you, it will rock your world!
It is very rare and significant footage of Nomar Garciaparra taking ground balls at third base during pregame warm-ups. Yeah. I know. Can you imagine?
I’d normally charge a lot more, but you caught me in a good mood. I’ll let you have it for only $10,000. If you pay in cash.
Ordinarily this time of year, during June’s final innings, the Dodgers don’t have to resort to such stunts. But their usual ability to dominate local sports pages and highlights shows has been squeezed from a couple corners lately -- by the Angels’ ongoing ’27 Yankees impersonation, and by “Kobe! Kobe! Kobe!” a story that just won’t go away, even though going away is Kobe Bryant’s apparent plot in the story.
After having Garciaparra practice fielding grounders at third Monday evening, Grady Little told reporters that Garciaparra will be fielding them for real when the Dodgers open their next homestand -- Friday against San Diego.
It is a lineup change not dissimilar to the Lakers’ belated move to acquire Garnett -- i.e., lots of local people believe the home team should acted sooner on this.
The Dodgers need more hitting, more power, more run production -- and the solution seems to have been wasting time in the Dodgers dugout, first base star-in-waiting James Loney waiting while a soon-to-be 34-year-old converted shortstop burns innings at his preferred position. The Dodger's previous attempt to wedge Loney and Garciaparra into the same lineup has been painful -- particularly for Loney, who ended a test-run at right-field against the Angels by taking a inexperienced full-on header into the outfield wall while chasing a fly ball.
Loney at first base has always made the most sense, but what then to do to the inspirational Garciaparra, whose offseason re-signing placated a lot of Dodgers fans at the time? What about third base, where Wilson Betemit and Tony Abreu have made fans pine for the salad days of Lenny Harris?
Garciaparra already has made a much more difficult move across the infield -- from shortstop, where he made his name, to first base, where he made the Dodgers’ 2006 season. Asking a natural shortstop to slide a few steps to his right shouldn’t be nearly so traumatic, so long as Garciaparra’s back and knees hold out.
As kind of a Monday night parting gift, Betemit sat the bench as the Dodgers opened an eventual 8-1 victory over Arizona. He entered the game as a defensive replacement in the sixth inning, got one limited-exposure plate appearance in the eighth, and hit an insurance home run. That seems to be the best role for him.
Loney also began the game on the bench, then came off it in the ninth for a pinch-hit two-run triple. Coming attractions? The Dodgers will never know until they give “Nomar Garciaparra, 3B” a chance.
According to reports now about to push Lakers fans into a frothing “Braveheart”-type conflagration between Kobe Lovers and Kobe Haters at the corner of Figueroa and Chick Hearn Court, the Lakers and Minnesota Timberwolves are considering a trade that would bring Kevin Garnett to L.A. in exchange for Lamar Odom and Andrew Bynum.
The blockbuster deal could happen at any minute, or might not, depending on league and Kobe Bryant approval.
Let’s assume for a moment that Jerry Buss agrees to assume a luxury-tax penalty so steep he’ll be forced to cancel a few dates. Then let’s assume Buss agrees to spend the money to send Mitch Kupchak to a Beverly Hills occultist, who enables Kupchak to temporarily channel Jerry West, and Kupchak then pulls a T-Wolf out of a magic hat and lands Garnett in exchange for Odom, Bynum and some “special” photos of Kevin McHale . . . would THAT be enough to persuade Kobe Bryant to cancel his flight to Pluto and stay in L.A. for at least next season?
Yes: Garnett is the best big man to play for a Minneapolis-based professional basketball team since George Mikan.
No: NBA championship rings owned by Mikan? Five. And by Garnett? The Big O.
Yes: Garnett is not “fat” nor “lazy,” nor liable to yell at Buss during a game, “Now you gonna pay me?” Oh, and he makes better than 43% of his foul shots.
No: He’s not “Laker Family.”
Yes: Casting aside Bynum’s “Better Not Trade Him For Anybody Anytime” potential, there’s a pretty decent chance Garnett is better now, at 31, than Bynum will ever be.
No: He’s no Bill Russell.
Yes: Garnett is hungry, same as Shaq is usually, and he is starving for a championship, unlike Shaq after the airing of his 2005-2006 reality series, "Shaq's Big In-Your-Face, Lakers!" Garnett is motivated to do just about anything to win a title -- even bench his ego for eight months so that Kobe’s double-dose of the stuff doesn’t get the Lakers whistled for too many men on the court.
No: Garnett is a loser.
Yes: Garnett already owns a house in Malibu.
No: Kobe doesn't pass to anybody who owns a house in Malibu.
Yes: Garnett and Kobe are right around the same age. Kobe will now have someone to talk with on rides to the arena.
No: Assuming Kobe is in the mood.
Seven years ago on this day -- June 25, 2000 -- some of the biggest sports biographies in America were tracking in entirely different directions.
Kobe Bryant was still shaking the first-edition championship confetti out of his sneakers, Volume One of the Shaq-Kobe-Phil ThreePeat only days old. The Lakers were back, “Kobe, Champion” had arrived, and all of L.A. was united in the belief that this great all-around kid with the great all-around game was going to rule this town in a way that was going to dwarf Fernandomania.
Barry Bonds was still just a surly superstar with a ferocious batting stroke, still without a single-season home-run total beyond 46. That would change with the 49 home runs he would hit in 2000, which provided the lure that opened the door to 73 home runs in 2001. And, with them, Pandora’s box.
Marion Jones actually had a biography out, a glowing tome that helped cast her in the public spotlight as track and field’s Wonder Woman. She was 24, her Sydney showcase was three months away, and that summer's media story line had her winning five gold medals in Australia, then returning home to save the WNBA.
It was entirely over the top, as evidenced by the book-jacket quote by USA Track and Field CEO Craig Masback, who had said that Jones "has the chance to be the first female international athlete to transcend sports. In my mind, only three people have done that: Pele, Muhammad Ali and Michael Jordan."
Seven years later, the global conglomerate of Pele, Ali and Jordan remains a males-only club. Not only that, Jones just lost the $2.5-million home she had in Jordan’s neighborhood to foreclosure -- the result of her recently revealed financial free-fall.
At the end of June 2000, I had just returned from Raleigh, N.C., where I had interviewed Jones for a piece to run in The Times’ Sunday magazine leading up to the Olympics. The atmosphere around the North Carolina State track, where Jones trained with then-coach Trevor Graham, was heavy with a supreme optimism and confidence that often over-extended into arrogance.
Graham told me that he and Jones had a three-Olympics (2000, 2004, 2008) plan to win 13 medals. "After she gets five in Sydney, we might do it one more time,” Graham said then, as if ordering items off a lunch menu. "Her last Olympics, we won't try to go for five. Just three. I think if we do it this time, we'll go for it again -- and then we'll shut it down."
Jones knew how to shut it down. At the time, she was refusing to talk to Sports Illustrated because she was miffed that one of the magazine’s writers had the audacity to interview Jones’ mother before receiving Jones’ permission.
She got her five medals in Sydney -- three gold -- but none in 2004 as she tried to long-jump through a very thick cloud of doping suspicion. By 2007, Jones would have much bigger things to worry about than petty feuds with sportswriters.
I concluded my 2000 piece on Jones with an anecdote from the U.S. Olympic trials, held in Sacramento in July. During the news conference following her women’s 100-meter triumph, Jones was asked, again, about the Drive For Five in Sydney. Jones leaned back in her chair, sighed and replied, "You know, if I had a penny for every time I heard that question, I'd be very, very rich."
Rival and 100-meter runner-up Inger Miller, seated next to Jones, then laughingly interjected, "You already are!"
Seven years later, we are left to ask: Where did all the pennies go?
Angels: Still desperate to add another big hitter to the lineup, with Bill Stoneman still doing nothing about it, they sweep a three-game series from the Pittsburgh Pirates, collecting 35 hits in the process. . . . They now lead Seattle in the American League West by eight games with a 49-27 record -- one game off the pace of the MLB-leading Boston Red Sox. . . . The Angels concluded 2007 interleague competition with an MLB-best 14-4 mark, looking just about ready to start the World Series.
Dodgers: They lose both weekend games to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays (!), getting outscored in the process, 13-7. . . . This fine mess included a 4-3 Saturday defeat during which they wore replica Brooklyn Dodgers uniforms and failed to turn three bases-loaded situations into a single run. . . . They counter-argue that the real Brooklyn Dodgers couldn’t have done any better. Probably true. The real Brooklyn Dodgers are either dead or in their 70s and 80s.
Gold Cup: We win an international tournament! Breaking a trend we set in 2006 with the Olympic men’s and women’s hockey tournaments, the World Baseball Classic, the World Cup, the Ryder Cup, the Davis Cup and the men’s and women’s world basketball championships. Then again, we had to defeat Guatemala, Trinidad and Tobago, El Salvador, Panama, Canada and Mexico to do it.
Galaxy: A few days after Alexi Lalas disses English Premier League soccer as “an inferior product,” his MLS club loses at home to the Columbus Crew. I wonder if the inferior soccer boys from Arsenal would have done the same.
Real Salt Lake: A few days after trading old-guy Chris Klein to Lalas for young and promising Robbie Findlay and Nathan Sturgis, RSL defeats D.C. United on a pair of goals by Findlay. A day later, the Utah Blaze beat the Avengers, 47-37. I hear Findlay scored a couple touchdowns for them too.
Arsenal: Star striker Thierry Henry says he’s going to play the next four seasons for Barcelona. I watched him play in an Arsenal shirt against Barcelona in the 2006 Champions League final. It looked as if he’d already made the switch.
College World Series: Oregon State repeats as NCAA baseball champion. Ducks win the Stanley Cup. Peyton Manning wins the Super Bowl. Kings get defensive after using the fourth pick of the draft on the 26th-best North American skater. There are some things you can still depend upon.
Kobe Bryant: He’s still here.
The Lakers aren’t the only Staples Center tenant running their fans through the grinder this week. A few hours ago in the NHL draft, the Kings, drafting fourth overall and needing every ounce of help they can find, used their highest pick in a decade to bypass the consensus best defenseman in the draft and select the ninth-rated defenseman, who, according to Central Scouting, was the 26th-best North American skater.
How to spin this to Kings fans still waking up at 3:30 in the morning with nightmarish visions of Chris Pronger hoisting the Stanley Cup?
That your team had a chance to draft Karl Alzner, whom scouts have compared to Pronger, and instead went for Thomas Hickey, who had a minus-4 rating in the WHL playoffs this year?
(Hey, at least his team made the postseason.)
The Hockey News draft blog recorded the Kings’ selection this way:
“7:44 PM ET -- WOW!
"Well, we knew this was going to start getting fun. Thomas Hickey was not expected to be the first defenseman taken, but the Kings were expected to take a blueliner here. Still, you have to wonder if trading down wouldn't have been a better idea. This won't be the last 'reach' of the night . . .” Alzner then went to the Washington Capitals with the fifth pick, The Hockey News blog projecting that “Karl Alzner might be ready to help Washington's defense right away.”
The Ducks, meanwhile, traded down three spots with Minnesota and selected at No. 19 Logan MacMillan, a center with the Halifax Mooseheads, which ranks right behind UC Irvine Anteaters as one of the greatest names in sports.
(Halifax by itself is one the greatest names in sports. Every time I hear that name, I flash back to the pre-laptop press box days of the early '80s, when sports scribes banged out their game reports on rudimentary word-processing devices known as “typewriters” and faxed each page back to the office. “I’m right on deadline and I’ve got the last take here. Where is that copy-runner for Halifax?”)
According to the Kings news release, GM Dean Lombardi was ecstatic about picking the ninth-best defenseman when the best was available. Said Lombardi: “He’s a tremendous skater who can cut on a dime, and he moves equally well going both north and south and east and west.”
Well, the Kings know all about going south, so Hickey’s a good fit there. But when Lombardi says “tremendous skater,” the scouts say “26th-best skater.”
Then again, this indicates the Kings might have found the right young man. Among NHL teams last season, the Kings were ranked right around 26th-best, too.
In another Internet sports poll totally unrelated to Jason Schmidt’s shoulder (although this one does involve a chip and a shoulder), ESPN’s SportsNation has devoted a 10-question survey to "The Lakers In Kobe Krisis."
As of 4 p.m. today, with 42,892 votes in, survey says a majority of fans honestly believe:
-- Bryant is the most talented player in the NBA. More that 63% of all respondents claim to believe this. (I wonder how Dwyane Wade voted.)
-- Kevin Garnett (57%) is more likely to be traded this summer than Bryant. (Unless -- two problems solved in two minutes! -- they are traded for one another.)
-- Jerry Buss (47.9%) is more to blame for the breakup of the Shaq-Kobe tandem than Bryant (39.1%), O’Neal (8.8%) and Phil Jackson (4.2%). (It’s always dad’s fault, isn’t it?)
-- Shaq and Kobe would have kept the Lakers among the NBA elite if both had remained with the franchise. An incredible 87.2% believe the perpetually shaky Shaq-Kobe alliance would have meant at least one more championship during the last three seasons. (Yes, even with Smush Parker.)
Even more incredibly, nearly half of all respondents (47%) believe the continuance of the Shaq-Kobe Fighting Lakers would have meant multiple titles -- 36.3% going for two more and a head-shaking, breath-taking 10.7% opting for another Three-Peat!
(No, this question did not specify circumstances that included San Antonio dropping out of the league.)
Almost 11 percent of respondents believe Shaq and Kobe -- who couldn’t even shake hands on the Christmas following Shaq’s trade -- would have reeled off three consecutive championships in a league that occasionally requires teamwork, unselfish play and even (gasp!) emotional maturity to succeed with any degree of consistency.
Didn’t any of these people watch the Lakers play the Pistons in the 2004 Finals?
I am all for giving fans their say and all that, but even social experiments with the best intentions can go haywire and spit out crazy numbers like 10.7% thinking Shaq and Kobe had three more titles in them -- forgetting that back in ’04, the only titles Shaq and Kobe had for each other were “fat” and “lazy” and “selfish.”
Survey says surveys of this sort should always be taken with a grain as big as the Salt Palace. Which is news that should bring a relieved shrug from the Dodgers’ Schmidt, once his shoulder feels a little better.
Without a doubt, this was the greatest week in the history of anteaters, anywhere . . .
1. College World Series: Every year, this nostalgia-inducing little sparkler seems to arrive at just the right time. This year, it has been a much-needed palate-cleanser for so much Pacman-Kobe-Barry ad nauseam.
2. Anteaters: If you don’t know by now, the origin of the exhortation “ZOT!” was the late Johnny Hart’s “B.C.” comic strip. As in, “Those UC Irvine Anteaters have a lot of hart.”
3. Titans: Fullerton’s had a heartbreaking exit from Omaha. But the worst news developments of the week belonged to Tennessee’s.
4. Angel Cabrera: Unlike a fellow Argentine sports star named Maradona, he won his championship fair and square. Unlike soccer, use of hands is encouraged in golf.
5. Angel, Cabrera: Could be the best-ever shortstop to fall short of the All-Star Game starting lineup by more than 1.1 million votes.
6. J-S Giguere: What’s this? A championship-caliber athlete agreeing to sign for less to stay put? Quote from Jiggy: "I don't want to be the highest-paid goalie in this league. I don't think I deserve that. There's a lot of goalies that are better than me.” Or as the play-by-play announcer put it, “He shoots from the dotted line! Ducks save!”
7. Kobe Bryant: Reads about Chicago Cubs malcontent catcher Michael Barrett, notorious for feuding with teammates and causing dissension, being traded to the San Diego Padres. Tells his people, “See! That’s how this is supposed to be done!”
8. Michael Jordan: Had his issues, to be sure, but “World’s Greatest Hoopster 2.0” is making Version 1.0 look better every day.
9. U.S. advances to Gold Cup final: Thanks in part to a controversial call, we slip past the team from Canada. Canada getting awfully tired of this.
10. Sammy Sosa hits 600th home run: Pop the corks!
I get a kick out of the fan polls that run on the Times Website, such as “Lakers Fantasy GM,” in which readers have been asked if they would keep or cut every member on the Lakers roster. Result: No more Lakers. Can’t you just see Kobe hyper-clicking his mouse a few thousand times and laughing like a mad scientist? “Cut me! Cut me! AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! CUT ME!!!”
Here’s the latest: “What is the worst deal in L.A. Dodgers history?” We can cover a lot of ground with that one. We have almost 50 years to play around with – and the Kevin Malone/Paul DePodesta era is an especially rich lode to mine.
Jason Schmidt has been on the roster less than three full months. He has appeared in exactly six games as a Dodger. But he has a bad shoulder that needs surgery, and everyone around here is a little antsy as Gibby ’88 approaches Anniversary 20, so . . . click, click, click . . . Schmidt is a top-10 candidate for worst L.A. Dodger deal ever.
All in all, I like our list. Dave Goltz. Don Stanhouse. Paul Konerko-for-Jeff Shaw. Those are all-time classics. Our Dodger pollster has a sense of humor: Charley Steiner-for-Ross Porter, $15 for parking. Personally, I’d like to see “Boiled Dodger Dogs Instead of Grilled” (culinary disaster!) and “Taking The Names Off The Backs Of Their Shirts” (highly cynical move to boost program sales) in there, but it’s a worst-10 list, not a worst-infinity list.
Off the top of my head, I figured most fans would opt for the trading away of Pedro Martinez (would there be an 18-year pennant drought had he stayed?) and Mike Piazza (awful PR move, especially at the time, although the team recovered with Paul Lo Duca, then gave him up in another worst-10 deal, then replaced him with Russell Martin, who has yet to be included in a worst-10 deal). Not surprisingly, “Vote For Pedro” has been a landslide campaign. Last I checked, Pedro-for-Delino DeShields (still hard to believe, 14 years after the fact) was leading with almost 58% of the vote, followed by Piazza-for-“Sheffield, Bonilla and others” (those others killed the Dodgers) with 13.2%.
Old-school Dodgers fans will note the absence of one real doozy: Buzzie Bavasi’s late-1964 trade of outfielder Frank Howard, third baseman Ken McMullen and pitchers Pete Richert and Phil Ortega to the Washington Senators for pitcher Claude Osteen, infielder John Kennedy and $100,000. Osteen has some good years with the Dodgers -- he won 20 games in 1969 and 1972 -- but the price was far too steep. Howard went on to become one of the most feared sluggers of the era. McMullen was a dependable third baseman unlucky to play in Brooks Robinson’s shadow. (Had McMullen been with the Dodgers in his prime today, this Wilson Betemit problem would quickly disappear.) Richert had 14- and 15-win seasons with Washington and played in three consecutive World Series with Baltimore. Ortega won at least 10 games three times with the Senators and became so popular he had a famous brand of chiles named after him.
(Just kidding about that last one, Buzzie.)
So far, the fans are going easy on Schmidt. He is running seventh among worst deals ever with 2.2% of the vote, just ahead of the Lo Duca trade (1.6%), Stanhouse (1.1%) and Goltz (0.9%), and still behind the signing of Darryl Strawberry (3.2%).
In my opinion, the worst deal in L.A. history didn’t make the cut, a deal so bad it set off a chain reaction that led at least indirectly to 60% of the contenders on our list.
That would be Fox-for-O’Malley, March 19, 1998.
For more than three decades, L.A. baseball fans would roll their eyes whenever an old Brooklyn fan would curse, “That’s (expletive) O’Malley betrayed us!” L.A. baseball fans aren’t rolling anymore.
What do the following have in common?
a) Ducks win Stanley Cup.
b) Ducks extend Coach Randy Carlyle's contract through the 2008-2009 season.
c) Ducks re-sign goalie J-S Giguere, agreeing to pay him $24 million for the next four seasons.
d) Johnny Depp, Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom to star in "Ren and Jack and Elizabeth and Will and Stimpy."
Answer: None of these things would have happened under Disney.
When it comes to Kobe Bryant these days, everybody has a one-liner.
From Jay Leno on “The Tonight Show:” “It was so hot today Kobe Bryant wanted to leave L.A. just because of the heat.”
From Leno again (OK, he had two one-liners): “A video just surfaced of Kobe Bryant trashing the Lakers general manager and one of his teammates. In fact, when Kobe first heard there was an embarrassing video out of him, out of force of habit he bought his wife another ring.”
From Woody Paige on “Around The Horn”: “(Bryant) has been a controversial figure ever since he entered the league.”
That Woody is a laugh riot, let me tell you. This is one of the reasons I hate “Around The Horn” -- most of the time, they really do appear to be making this stuff up as they go along.
Let’s take a timeout here to get some facts straight, shall we?
As late as the early days of the Glorious Three-Peat, Bryant was SO far removed from controversy -- then regarded as such a squeaky-clean, goody-two-sneakers, shooting-guard-next-door -- that kids weren’t buying his sneakers in numbers proportionate to his evident on-the-court awesomeness because they said he lacked “street cred.”
Remember that? Remember those days when Allen Iverson, who sweats “street cred” out of every pore of every tattoo (or so the kids say), skied above Bryant in merchandise sales? That never happened to MJ, who was the epitome of NBA cool long before anybody in the NBA knew what “street cred” was. Still, Bryant and his people weren’t happy about this, so they went out and -- in a calculated program, it always seemed to me -- acquired “street cred.”
Initially, that meant the arrival of tattoos of his own, which were painful only to him.
Eventually, it spun out of Bryant’s careful control. There was Colorado, which, despite the best attempts of the Kobe Kultists to re-write history, actually happened. So did the break-up of the Three-Peat Dynasty. Maybe Bryant didn’t actually push the button on Shaq’s ejector seat in 2004, but he sure wasn’t there fastening a seat belt across the chest of the Big Aristotle.
That was quickly followed by Bryant selling out Shaq when the Colorado heat got too hot, followed by the Karl Malone feud, followed by the new jersey number, another calculated move to crank those jersey sales back up to No. 1 where they belonged.
Now, some die-hard holdouts even give Bryant style points for sticking it to The Man -- in this case, Jerry Buss -- with his demands to bring in Jerry West . . . “Hold on, I’d rather head out” . . . and to improve the team at all costs . . . “Hold on, I’d rather improve the Bulls or the Mavericks at big cost to the Lakers.”
How’s that for a life lesson? You, too, kids, can pump up your “street cred” by bailing on your teammates and fans by casting yourself as a lonely and complex crusader with a Batman complex -- so tortured about the state of the franchise you love that you announce, “I can’t stand to see what’s happened to this place, so it’s best for everyone involved that I bravely take a bullet and exit Stage Left.”
Bryant now has the “street cred” he supposedly lacked five years back. But what about any other form of credibility?
Dodgers: This is life in baseball, at least when you are a Dodger. You win one, 10-1, on Monday. You lose one, 12-1, on Tuesday. No worries. That’s baseball. It’s a long season. You’re here for the long haul. You can’t get too high on one day and too low the next.
However . . .
Going from 10-1 over the Blue Jays to 1-12 to the Blue Jays does suggest a pattern that suggests an industrial-strength yo-yo. Those back-to-back scores are pretty much the definition of keeping an uneven keel. It’s tough to win a baseball game by a 10-1 score, even against the Blue Jays. It’s even tougher to lose a baseball game by a 12-1 score to the same Blue (Remember ’92-’93, Because We Sure Can’t) Jays.
On the plus side for the Dodgers: These are only two games out of 162. It’s not like they lost any key player for the remainder of the season or anything like that. . . . um, just a moment . . . I’ve been handed a news bulletin . . . It’s about Jason Schmidt . . . hmmm . . . mmmm . . . OK, ladies and gentlemen, you can scratch what I just said.
For the Dodgers, Wednesday in Toronto meant Big Hurt (Frank Thomas went deep) and Bigger Hurt (Schmidt went on the DL for the remainder of the season). In fact, the medical update on Schmidt’s right shoulder sounds like its own disabled list -- three patients in need of repair in one:
Labrum: Out with a tear.
Biceps: Sidelined with a frayed tendon.
Bursa: Experiencing inflammation and scarring.
No wonder that in Schmidt’s last start, even Jered Weaver got a hit off Schmidt.
It will take a while to get all three of these guys back in the rotation. Just guessing here, but I believe the Dodgers will miss Biceps a bit more than Bursa.
As for Schmidt, GM Ned Colletti’s search for a silver lining turned unintentionally humorous when he said, “It’s not as if he was on his way to a Cy Young season and suddenly you lost him.”
That’s Dodger Baseball in June 2007. Injury ends a season? Well, it wasn’t like that season was doing us any good anyway.
Angels: You know, for a team in dire need of another big bat in the lineup, the Angels sure score a lot of runs. Minus that big bat they so desperately lack, the Angels defeated the Houston Astros on Wednesday, 8-4, after scoring 10 runs on Monday and five on Tuesday, the latter being what the need-a-big-bat Angels now call “a slump.”
“Big bat” is one of my all-time favorite baseball-isms. If you take the recent trade speculation literally, Angels fans and media are pressuring GM Bill Stoneman to part with a promising prospect or two in exchange for a large piece of varnished wood. I believe you can order that through the mail from Oversize.com. And then when it arrives in the clubhouse, Mike Scioscia can open the box, Vladimir Guerrero can reach inside and hold it aloft and the rest of the Angels will go “ooh” and “ahh” and someone will mutter, in reverent tones, “Yes. That is quite a big bat. Just what we needed!”
Technically speaking, the bat being swung by Guerrero appears to be big enough. With that bat, Guerrero drove another baseball over the outfield wall, with two teammates on base, meaning Guerrero and his bat have now produced 13 home runs and 66 RBI this season.
Angels rookie Terry Evans also hit a home run with his bat, a two-run shot in the second inning, which was notable in that it came on the evening Evans made his first big-league start.
“Not bad for openers,” onlookers in the stands and the press box said as they watched Evans round the bases. “You know, that kid swings a big bat!”
Anteaters: Oregon State pitcher Joe Paterson comes in to get the last three outs. Alas, Orange County's long wait for another sports championship continues . . . Yes. These last two weeks have been excruciating . . . Linton flies to center for the final out. Oregon State advances, undefeated, to its second CWS final in as many years and now awaits the Rice-North Carolina winner. Irvine packs up and heads for home, having taught the rest of the nation a few lessons about the quality and resilience of some SoCal baseball players who play their home games south of Fullerton . . . Irvine also teaches the country a few lessons about Anteaters. Did you know anteaters eat ants? Final score: Beavers, 7-1.
Anteaters: Trying to get something going, ESPN goes to Erin Andrews for an update from the Irvine dugout . . . Andrews reports that Serrano's 11-year-old son Kyle, bypassing his own Little League all-star game for this unexpectedly extended stay in Omaha, just got a big roar from the Anteaters by shouting out a pep yell. After reminding the players that they've come back from bigger deficits, Kyle hollered, "Let's go get 'em!" . . . Muses Patrick: "He's missing his all-star game for this?" . . . Indeed. This is clearly above and beyond the call of duty. "Way to go, Kyle!" Patricks adds . . . With no miracle comeback brewing, Patrick tries to fill time, revealing that ESPN had tried to get a release from the local zoo so that the real-life anteater could make made a press box appearance. Sadly, Patrick reports, the anteater could not get a day pass because it wasn't feeling well. "Was that an omen?" Patrick asks . . . Too bad. That probably would have been a better interview than Steve Garvey. Score: Beavers, 6-1.
Beavers: Much to the dismay of ESPN and UC Irvine, Oregon State scores another run. Score, now officially a runaway: Beavers, 7-1.
Anteaters: With two outs, Patrick tries to inspire Irvine supporters and neutrals starting to lose interest: "Is there any magic left in UC Irvine's bats?" he asks. Turpen kicks and deals. Called third strike. "Not there." Score: Beavers, 5-1.
Beavers: Barney singles in another run for Oregon State . . . Anteater Miracle Magic down to its last six outs. Score: Beavers, 6-1.
Anteaters: Barney makes a great running overhead grab of a looping pop fly to the outfield and ESPN runs another graphic . . . No, not a mug shot of Barney Rubble; that would be so Chris Berman to do something like that . . . This graphic informs that Oregon State ranked second in NCAA fielding percentage this season with 57 errors. Only 57 errors? Irvine committed almost that many Tuesday against Arizona State. Score: Beavers, 5-1.
Beavers: An infield grounder jumps up on Irvine first baseman Taylor Holiday, who has to scramble and flip to Axelrod, just in time for the out . . . Inside aside to contemporary rock music-and-college baseball fans: As you know, "One Big Holiday" was a memorable single by the band My Morning Jacket. This play was one big bad hop for Holiday, but no single, luckily for Irvine . . . All right, I admit it. It's sometimes tough to stay focused in 5-1 college baseball games. Score: Beavers, 5-1.
Anteaters: Rally time for Irvine awaits . . . And awaits . . . Turpen works a 1-2-3 inning. Score: Beavers, 4-1.
Beavers: Serrano makes a pitching change, bringing in senior reliever Dylan Axelrod, who worked the last 4 2/3 innings in the 13-inning victory over Fullerton on Monday. Axelrod held the Titans scoreless on one hit, but Oregon State doesn't hold to that script here . . . Joey Wong greets Axelrod with a double and, one out later, scores on Darwin Barney's single, the 234th of his collegiate career. That's quite an important hit for Darwin, relatively speaking. Score: Beavers, 5-1.
Anteaters: Cipriano gets something started for Irvine with a leadoff double, scoring on a single by Linton, who was Tuesday's extra-inning hero . . . Irvine has pulled back to within three runs of Oregon State. Now, the Beavers are getting a little nervous . . . For awhile, with two Anteaters on base, it looks as if the gap might shrink to two runs, but Turpen settles things down. Score: Beavers, 4-1.
Beavers: Bergman sees the light of another inning. He sees a better time. He holds Oregon State in check. Score: Beavers, 4-1.
Anteaters: Shortly after Patrick holds up a toy anteater figurine and ESPN runs another clip of that Omaha Zoo anteater with an informational graphic, Irvine has a quiet inning. Did you know that the anteater is a mammal species of the suborder Vermilingua commonly known for eating ants and termites? . . . You mean to say that an anteater eats ants? . . . This CWS appearance by the Anteaters is truly amazing . . . Back to the action, Anteater players do not eat up Oregon State pitching. Score is still: 0-0.
Beavers: Anteater coaches, meanwhile, sometimes need to eat Rolaids. Bergman begins to look like a freshman pitcher glancing up from the mound at the packed Rosenblatt Stadium stands for the first time . . . Nervous time? By all rights, it ought to be . . . A two-out infield throwing error shatters the dam for the Beavers. After the first run scores from second base on the error, Canham cashes in with a two-run home run to right, his 10th of the season . . . Suddenly, it is Oregon State 3, Irvine 0 . . . Two misplays by Anteater outfielders make it 4-0 as the Beavers bat around . . . Faced with an outbreak of Anteater Fever, it seems someone from Oregon State phoned a pharmacy. Score: Beavers, 4-0.
Anteaters: ESPN gives the nation a quickie geographical lesson, using a Google Earth-type camera scan of "baseball-rich Southern California." Look! There's USC with 21 CWS appearances! (But what have the Trojans done lately?) And Fullerton's over to the right with 15 appearances! (No. 15 ended prematurely by Irvine.) And Cal State Long Beach down to the left has four! (Three during the '90s.) And Pepperdine has two! (Waves won it all in '92.) And here's two more from UCLA! (Last visit: 1997.) And now, down there in Irvine, is, um, well, that would be UC Irvine, with one! . . . Try matching that lineup, Texas and Florida . . . Sean Madigan opens with a single to left, but is almost picked off when Ollie Linton whiffs on his bunt try . . . It's only a temporary reprieve. Linton grounds into a double play and Aaron Lowenstein strikes out. Score: 0-0.
Beavers: ESPN is starting to get on my nerves with its "Win Probability" goofball statistical gimmick. As Mike Patrick informs us for the 1,347 time since Saturday, the "Win Probability" gizmo is supposed to gauge the probability of which team will win a certain game based on such factors as current score (always a pretty good indicator), inning, runners on base (another good one), number of outs, position in the batting order and "the results of a million-plus plays!" I've been enduring these "Win Probability" moments for five days now and can tell you it usually comes down to this: The team ahead on the scoreboard is ahead in the "Win Probability" percentages. But it took careful computer analysis of more than a million plays to figure that out . . . Bergman works an easy inning. Irvine's "Win Probability" takes a bump. Score: 0-0.
Anteaters: Orel Hershiser opens ESPN's pregame a show with six words we never thought we'd ever hear: "Anteater Fever is sweeping the nation!" . . . The nation is finally catching on to something we've known for decades: "Anteaters" is one of the coolest sports nicknames ever adopted. Certainly, ESPN is obsessed -- running a clip of a real-life anteater snuffling around the Omaha Zoo and another of President Bush interrupting a PR event in front of the White House to jump on the bandwagon and add one more "Go Anteaters!" cheer to the ant hill . . . Irvine's streak of three consecutive "walkoff" victories will end today. Guaranteed. Today, Irvine is the visiting team . . . Oregon State owns what appears to be a commanding edge in starting pitcher, with Daniel Turpen (9-1, 3.65) getting the call for the Beavers. Meanwhile, Irvine's pitching staff is so depleted, Coach David Serrano hands the ball to freshman reliever Christian Bergman (0-3, 6.11) . . . With one out, Ben Orloff singles to center and Cody Cipriano reaches on a bunt attempt down the third-base line. This is 'EaterBall as we have come to know and marvel over . . . Now expecting the fluke opposite-field RBI extra-base hit at any second . . . Shocker! (Apologies, Wichita State). The next two Irvine hitters go out in order. . . Today's Anteaters Miracle Moment of the Day evidently still to come. Score: 0-0.
Beavers: Bergman steps to the mound on behalf of Irvine, because someone has to . . . No chance for this freshman to get acclimated to the CWS pressure chamber, but Bergman looks steady enough here, retiring the first two batters he faces . . . Then, an infield single by Mike Lissman tests his nerves. With Mitch Canham at bat, Bergman is called for a balk. But he regroups to close out the inning by retiring Canham on an infield ground-out. Score: 0-0.
North Carolina defeated Rice, 6-1, in today's first game at the College World Series to force a deciding game in the upper bracket tomorrow. Very shortly, UC Irvine tries to accomplish the same against defending NCAA champion Oregon State.
Oregon State got this far by barely holding off Cal State Fullerton, same way Irvine did, and routing Arizona State, not the same way Irvine did. Irvine needed 10 innings on Tuesday to eliminate Arizona State after requiring 13 innings on Monday to top Fullerton. Twenty-three innings in a little more than 24 hours -- are the Anteaters exhausted? You'd have to suppose so, but at Irvine, they are looking at this opportunity like a bunch of young Ernie Bankses (minus the Billy Goat Curse) -- all they will say is: "It's a great three days to play (at least) 32 innings!
Regardless of today's outcome, Irvine has been the story of this year's NCAA baseball tournament. Their road to Big Wednesday was built on the stunned-and-still-shuddering remains of four of the most honored programs in college baseball history. Connecting the ZOTS!, round by round:
Regional: Defeated Texas, six-time CWS champion and five-time runnerup.
Super regional: Defeated Wichita State, 1989 CWS champion and three-time runnerup.
CWS Elimination Game #1: Defeated Fullerton, four-time CWS champion and 1992 runnerup.
CWS Elimination Game #2: Defeated Arizona State, five-time CWS and six-time runnerup.
En route to its first CWS, Irvine took out programs that combined for 16 NCAA titles and 15 runnerup plaques. The CWS debuted in 1947. In the last three weeks, Irvine has eliminated programs responsible for 31 finalists in 60 years of CWS finals.
To advance further, the Anteaters will have to defeat the 2006 CWS champion today . . . and then do it again tomorrow. First pitch, coming up . . .
Despite his most elaborate -- and laughably transparent -- strategies designed to annoy the Lakers and their fans so much that Jerry Buss will finally say, “(Expletive) (expletive) (expletive), go ahead and trade that (expletive) (expletive) (expletive) NOW,” nothing is happening for Kobe Bryant.
But you know Our Kid Kobe. The more times you tell him no, the more obstinate he becomes. Word is that he’s already mapped out Plans B through K (of course) in his relentless attempt to burn all the welcome mats and all the empty “Kobe Kool-Aid” packets left crumpled on all his bridges.
Plan B: Seen stomping all over a Magic Johnson replica jersey outside the Champs Sports shop at the Santa Ana Main Place mall.
Plan C: Goes on Barcelona TV and curses out Andrew Bynum in Spanish, getting all the regional nuances and inflections just right.
Plan D: After performing a hip-hop number on Saturday Night Live, holds up an 8-by-10 glossy of Jerry West and tears it into pieces.
Plan E: Is video-taped buying staples at Office Depot instead of at Staples.
Plan F: Referring to Phil Jackson, tells Jim Gray in another one of those sold-my-soul-for-60-seconds-with-The-Golden-Child “interviews,” “Tell HIM to go run 47 Gap.” (Note to old L.A. Rams fans: Please explain that one to anyone you know under 30. It’s been a while since the Rams left, I realize . . .)
Plan G: Writes his own my-top-secret-notes-about-Phil-now-splashed-out-there-for-all-to-see, because-I-really-want-to-get-the-hell-outta-here book, entitled, “This Had Better Be My Last Damn Season.”
Plan H: Changes his jersey number, again, to 30. Which, as all you bloggers out there must know by now, is sportswriting short-hand for “End of Story.”
Plan I: Changes the name on the back of his jersey to “WE HATE ME.”
Plan J: Complains that he was robbed of the 2006-2007 NBA assists championship because “Nobody counted all the times I passed the buck.”
Plan K: Agrees to mix it up with a few of the fellas from the Suns for an NBA charity fund-raiser and refuses to show up for the fourth quarter.
Believe it or not, SoCal has other baseball teams besides the Big ZOT!, Never Say Not UC Irvine Anteaters, who would like to alert / warn local fans that the time to take your edge of the seat for today’s nervous breakdown on ESPN is 4 p.m.
Now, about those other teams . . .
Big Blue Ballot-Stuffing Crew: All right, what is wrong with this picture?
The Dodgers -- who just went 1-5 in their latest SoCal Bragging Rights Rounds with the Angels and Padres -- have the National League’s leading All-Star vote-getter at catcher (Russell Martin) plus the No. 2 second baseman (Jeff Kent) plus the No. 3 shortstop (Rafael Furcal) plus THREE outfielders among the Top 14 (No. 8 Luis Gonzalez, No. 9 Juan Pierre and No. 14 Andre Ethier).
Meanwhile, the Angels -- who have the major’s second-best record and the Dodgers in their back pocket -- have the American League’s top vote-getter among outfielders (Vladimir Guerrero, as obvious a call as “baseballs are round”) plus the No. 5 shortstop (Orlando Cabrera, batting .340 and trailing Derek Jeter by more than 1.1 MILLION votes!) plus . . . plus . . . plus?
“Matthews getting no respect . . .” reads the headline on the All-Star voting recap story on the Angels Website. That story begins: “He owns 31 RBIs in his last 36 games, he’s hit safely in 17 of last 22 games and can track down anything in the outfield within the range of a cell-phone signal . . . His name is Gary Matthews Jr. . . . One would think that such a pivotal component of a team tied for the most wins in the Major Leagues would garner at least marginal attention from All-Star voters . . .”
But no. Matthews is nowhere to be found among the AL’s top 15 outfielders, which means more people are marking ballots for Detroit’s Craig Monroe (No. 15, batting .235) and Texas’ Sammy Sosa (No. 13, batting .241, minus the corkage fee) and Boston’s J.D. Drew (No. 10, Dodger fans playing a very cruel practical joke on Angels supporters.)
Observations to be drawn from this: 1) Dodgers fans armed with paper ballots have more punch that Dodgers hitters; 2) Dodgers fans have more range than Dodgers fielders; 3) Pierre must have a lot of friends and relatives.
About Schmidt: On the day they announced surgery plans for their $47-million pitcher, the Dodgers got a massive tangible and emotional lift from their pitcher known as Penny.
As lots of people were beginning to suspect while watching his last two starts of diminishing returns, Jason Schmidt has something wrong with his pitching arm that requires medical repair. The team announced that Schmidt will undergo arthroscopic shoulder surgery with no timetable for a return, a prospect that GM Ned Colletti rightly called “very discouraging.”
Coming off a very discouraging home leg of the ’07 Freeway Series, the Dodgers arrived in Toronto needing something, anything, even masquerading as positive. Then, behind the six-hit, seven-inning pitching performance of Brad Penny, the Dodgers went out and beat the Blue Jays, 10-1 -- improving L.A.’s record in its last 22 inter-league road game to 2-20.
Penny is 9-1 -- and who knows where the Dodgers would be without him? -- but taking in the final score within the context of recent events, this much has to be said about that: The Blue Jays must be really bad.
Matthews Getting No Respect . . . An Up-To-The-Minute Update: The Angels can’t win them all, and even they did, no one would vote them into the All-Star Game anyway. Tuesday, the Angels lost to Houston, 9-5, as ex-Angel Orlando Palmeiro turned in what now shall be known by baseball statisticians as “Two-Thirds of a Chone Clone” (Palmeiro got four hits) and Bartolo Colon couldn’t get out of the fifth inning.
One day after Chone Figgins had six hits in a 10-9 victory, the Angels as a team churned out 12 more hits -- without Garret Anderson or Casey Kotchman. That, however, did not stop Cabrera from commenting in a taped interview with FSN that, you know, without wanting to disrespect Matthews, who is new to cleanup hitting and all that, Guerrero and Cabrera could, you know, really some more support in the lineup. You now? Cabrera said he was hoping the Angels would trade for a big-name hitter.
I wonder what Cabrera’s All-Star ballot looks like.
Top three things I like about the College World Series:
1. After being eliminated, nobody from Cal State Fullerton demanded to be traded to Oregon State because the old dynasty isn’t what it used to be.
2. After a UC Irvine pitcher yielded what appeared to be three tournament-ending runs in the top of the eighth inning, nobody on his team demanded to “ship his (expletive) (expletive) out” to some place like IUPU Fort Wayne or New Jersey Tech. Instead, they picked him up by scoring four runs in the bottom of the eighth.
3. After Arizona State’s catcher hit two doubles and a home run in his first three at-bats against Irvine, he did not demand to stay up there and take every Sun Devils at-bat for the rest of the game.
(Also, I like how teams in the College World Series sometimes have reserve outfielders named Rocky Laguna.)
If you needed a reprieve from the now officially obnoxious soap opera “As Kobe’s Own Little World Turns,” UC Irvine’s daily stroll through elimination-at-hand extra innings has been just the tonic. Thirteen innings on Monday. Ten innings on Tuesday. No one gives up in this game, or plays down to nab a better pick in the upcoming high-school lottery draft. That’s another great thing about Omaha’s annual championship tournament -- there is no tanking in College World Series baseball.
In a span of about 26 hours -- nearly nine spent on the Rosenblatt Stadium diamond -- Irvine, in its first-ever CWS appearance, eliminated two of the greatest names in the sport -- four-time NCAA champion Fullerton on Monday and five-time titlist Arizona State on Tuesday, 8-7, on Ollie Linton’s RBI single in the bottom of the 10th inning.
To put this in NBA terms, Irvine’s achievement is the equivalent of the Memphis Grizzlies taking out the San Antonio Spurs and the Detroit Pistons in back-to-back playoff rounds. In back-to-back Game 7s.
Next up for the Underdog Anteaters: defending CWS champion Oregon State today at 4 p.m. in another no-wiggle-room-available game. Lose and the Anteaters’ Magic Rosenblatt Bus turns into a pumpkin. Win and the Anteaters will have to come back one more time to play Oregon State on Thursday.
After losing its first-ever CWS game to Arizona State last Saturday, Irvine’s tournament-survival mission became a win-win-win-win-or-bust situation. After 23 innings and two “walkoff” hits in the last two games, Irvine is now halfway there. Antea | |
