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Drinking in the Rapture: Or what would Harold Camping quaff?

I-drink-angels It's impossible to ignore the chatter. For believers in the Doomsday prophecy of Harold Camping (a civil engineer who became a Biblical scholar), Saturday will be their last day on earth. They expect to ascend to heaven as part of the Rapture after a world-wide earthquake leaves nonbelievers on earth for five months more to battle earthquakes, floods, famine and war until the world finally implodes in October.

It's dark stuff to be sure -- and if we live through it we'll have to endure another round of hand-wringing when the Mayan calendar "ends" in December 2012. So, with the world ending so much, isn't it time we figured out how to give it a proper send-off?

And what better way to do that than to whip up a cocktail? So here's what I'll be doing tomorrow: Because I don't believe in the end of the world, but I am superstitious and paranoid, I will call my parents around noon. Just to say hi. Then I'll start drinking. If the world is going to end, I don't have to worry about a hangover. Finally!

Below is the recipe for what I'm going to drink, likely while sitting on my patio crying to a Tammy Wynette album and thinking about the time I made my mom let me get baptized when I was 10 and then never, ever went back to church again.

I call this drink "Going Camping."

4 hot tears

1 ounce holy water

3 ounces Ancient Age Bourbon

Float of Bacardi 151

Ice cracked out of frustration

Matches

Garnish with thorns from a rosebush

Directions: Think of the time that one cute guy you met at the Short Stop asked you for your number and how you forgot that you gave it to him so that when he finally wrote to you asking you out, you responded, "What's your name again?" And so he never wrote you back. Cry. Gather tears. Cry some more. Crack ice out of frustration. Put ice in highball glass. Add bourbon, holy water and tears. Top with a float of Bacardi 151. Light the float on fire. Garnish with thorns from a rosebush. Blow out flame. Drink quickly. Repeat.

Take two aspirin in the morning?

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Photo: The author drank a teapot of angels the last time the world ended. Credit: Terry Case

 

 

 
Comments () | Archives (13)

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So, Mr. Harold Camping, what happened to your prophecy?

So...Sarha Palin, Paul Ryan, Mike Huckabee, David Barton, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Michele Bauchman , Newt Gingrich, Pat Robertson, The 'Family', the Koch Bros., The Birchers, the KKK and all the rest of the whacko right-wing are still with us. That's really too bad.

"No one knows when the end will come–so we must always be ready." Good thing Camping was wrong. I dont think I could have put up with an eternity filled with "I told you so"

I know when the world will end, in 5 billion years the sun will go supernova.

Whoops, did I say May 21 2011. I meant 2012. Actually he picked this date cause he thought he'd be dead already and that way wouldn't look like a fool (again) if it didn't happen.

News Flash. Nobody knows what happens when you die, and anyone who tells you they do is either lying or crazy.

The deception is that we're living in the end times. The world will just go on and on until we get so sick of our problems that we actually do something to fix them.

Foreknowledge is but the flowery embellishment of the way, and the beginning of folly. -Lao Tzu

Christ spoke of many things that will happen during the end times but he emphasized one particular event, deception. He repeated over and over that deception will be the number one danger for the world. We know this Camping is a false prophet but the danger is his deception and the fact that this event will drive more people away from the faith as the press loves to ridicule Christians. This actually should have been ignored but ridiculing Christians sells. BUT millions has been spent advertising this stuff, big money, so it is in everyone's face.

It is amazing how ignorant people really are with regard to scripture, Judgment Day doesn't occur until after Christ's 1000 rule. The only ones that will enjoy Christ's presence will be the dead in Christ or the Martyrs, they will rise. Isaiah said "the earth is burned up and very few men left", so they will be people left behind and they will enjoy Christ's presence as well. Revelation even declares a punishment for the nations that do not pay homage to Christ during the Feast of the Tabernacle, no rain. So there will be people here on earth. the armies, presidents, kings and national leaders involved with the beast will be destroyed..The rest will sleep until Judgement day. GOD is going to punish the earth but NOT destroy it. What would be the point of Christ's 1000 rule if everything is destroyed and everyone is dead? Think about it...

http://www.yahwehyeshua.com

Don't be deceived

HAROLD CAMPING IS NOT A CHRISTIAN!

No True Christian would follow this man. He is an arrogant Old fool who believes his own Bible translations.

His followers are the worst, they trust “HAROLD CAMPING INTERPRETATION OF THE BIBLE...NOT THE BIBLE!

Harold Camping is a horrible Bible teacher. HERE IS HOW HE FOOLS YOU
SEE HIS LINK TO JIM JONES CULT

http://haroldcamping-21.blogspot.com/2011/05/how-ex-bible-teacher-became-cult-leader.html

Harold, I know what time this is, & at such a time as this!--On May 21, 2011 @ 8:04 am (I might be wrong where thou art at) Repent--before this day ends. Harold, all God desires from this day & forward is to pray, "God, be merciful to me a sinner (Luke 18:13)." One only must pray this once believing by faith in God only.

Worlds not ending. However, magic eightball says continue to have fun :D


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