Charlie Sheen review: An inept performance has his audience baying for human blood

This post has been corrected. Please see note at bottom for details.

Charlie Sheen got a lesson in the fickleness of crowds Saturday night. While doing his best to cash in on his recent cult with the launch of his "My Violent Torpedo of Truth / Defeat Is Not an Option Show," he tried to position himself as a folk hero of freedom. Unfortunately for him the audience that turned out at the Fox Theatre in Detroit took him at his word: They felt free to boo him off the stage.

Admittedly, this was one tough house. The warm-up act, some lanky, underwhelming comic named Kirk Fox, could barely finish a joke amid all the hoots and jeers. Sheen had to come out and ask the audience to cut the poor guy some slack. But there was no one to fly to his rescue once it was clear that the ex-star of "Two and a Half Men" had no ability as a live performer.

Honesty is Sheen's touted value, so here goes: He didn’t bring the goods, and no amount of pandering to the spectators with his you-and-me against-the-trolls malarkey could convince them otherwise. The Malibu messiah’s stab at demagoguery died a quick and not entirely painless death.

He flashed video clips from the “20/20” interview. He brandished the “warlock,” “tiger blood” and “duh” catch phrases his people have been slapping on merchandise. He offered an incoherent rant from a presidential-style podium. He even tried to hide behind film montages and more video. But the aging Hollywood pretty boy was not only defeated by the uncontrollable nature of theater — he was running scared.

What did anyone expect? Undoubtedly, there were a few looking forward to seeing a mental case unspool. (Before we judge our own moment too harshly, let’s not forget that asylums were once tourist attractions.) My head spun around when someone cried out for Sheen to kill himself onstage. (Probably the same species of nut job that buys a ticket to “Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark” in the hope of seeing an actor break his neck.)

But most of those in attendance — largely white, slightly more male than female, the majority seemingly under 40 — fought their own incredulity: Did he actually think he could get away with serving them this cruddy potluck, even with "the Goddesses" on hand to assist him?

Techno-seduction was clearly the wrong tactic for such a blue-collar bastion. The Charlie Sheen app that supposedly brings you inside his mind — naturally called “the MaSheen” — was projected on a screen with a menu of options intended to structure the evening, but this narcissistic shtick fizzled. (Too bad there wasn’t a self-eject button.) Likewise, the Twitter banter — about how many followers he had amassed and his need to live Tweet his "Sheenius" — seemed like nothing more than self-advertising.

The atmosphere at times approached that of a professional wrestling match. Sheen was torn between offense and defense. He taunted the hecklers that he already had their dough. But then he pleaded for softer treatment, reminding them that they gave their “hard-earned money without knowing what this show was all about.”

Sheen thrives on opposition, but how do you maintain your aggressive, pseudo-populist stance when the antagonist isn’t a studio chieftain or a holier-than-thou TV reporter but an army of working stiffs? The rebel yell inevitably became a schoolmarmish rebuke. Yes, my friends, the man who bragged about “banging seven-gram rock” chided the audience for being disruptive. Nothing apparently gets this wild child more steamed than a roomful of people all talking at the same time.

The funniest line all night came from someone seated behind me who hollered at the top of his lungs that the show had scared him straight. From now on, he promised, he would just say “no!” Clearly, for him, Sheen’s act was a “this is your brain on drugs” object lesson.

It’s a pity Sheen’s commentary wasn’t as witty. Improvisation, alas, is not one of the warlock’s gifts. Without a workable script, or an interviewer (either kowtowing like CNN’s Piers Morgan or sneering like ABC’s Andrea Canning), he’s completely at sea. Short on patter, he kept praising Detroit to the hilt, but Motor City denizens know when they’re being conned. And the anger that audibly erupted when Sheen, in a last-ditch effort at bonding, proposed swapping crack stories was a credit to this town.

The humiliation, however, wasn’t easy to watch. It’s one thing to read about the missteps of the rich and famous; it’s another to see a celebrity fall flat on his face in front of several thousand people. Rage, Sheen’s default mode, wasn’t an option. The fed-up hordes at the sold-out Fox would have trampled him. The indulgent love of his fans had transformed into deep distrust, if not disgust. The outlaw was revealed to be a spoiled brat.

The audible mockery directed at him was having an effect.  Flushed with embarrassment, Sheen suggested, like a cool kid suddenly getting picked on in gym class, that it was time for a break. “You need someone else's genius for a few minutes,” he said after floundering with questions from the audience. Some rapper marched out and futilely tried to shift the mood. Then a video of the new Snoop Dogg-Charlie Sheen single was shown, but by this time the head-shaking exodus was in full flow.

Still, many of us waited patiently in our seats for Sheen to return. He never did. The houselights came up. A stranger asked, “Is this really it?” Resignation was unavoidable. What had we witnessed? Sheen's psychiatric exhibitionism had morphed into something more embarrassing: a theatrical meltdown. This torpedo of truth wasn’t what anyone expected.

For the record, 1:41 p.m.: An earlier version of this post incorrectly referred to opening act Kirk Fox as Kurt Fox.

— Charles McNulty in Detroit

Photos, from top: Fans leaving the Fox Theatre in Detroit after Charlie Sheen's performance; Sheen onstage. Credits: Geoff Robins / AFP/Getty Images; Carlos Sorios / Associated Press. See more photos of Charlie Sheen's "Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat Is Not an Option."

Comments

[Mr.X]

A better line to end your article: The torpedo of truth turned out to be a dud.

[Linda Peterson]

The Chicago show is being called a success. Why? He gave an interview on stage. Big deal! Everyone has seen countless interviews of him for free, so I guess the success was not the quality of performance, but the ability to con people into paying for what is free on YouTube and on countless websites. So who is really the fool here?

[Peter Herz]

I think Sheen underestimated the value and ego of a skilled show producer, writers, etc.. his ego made him think he was the reason things succeeded when in reality he was just an impotent, though grand in this element, layer reading lines.

[ELVISNIXON.com]

What precisely does Sheen believe that the leftist media does not?

They both scoff at Western morality and think George W Bush was a "war criminal"

[BogeyFreeRound]

Anyone who actually paid money to see this train wreck got exactly what they deserve!

[Quadbravo]

For those attempting to call him a loser, the word "looser" just means less tight. Learn to spell. Personally I think the guy is a completely debauched wacko which is something of a trend amongst stars. Drugs, sex, and all kinds of vice enter in and eventually become causel to a breakdown potential end. Sad to see though. Wow he's arrogant and pompous. I think most watch just to see the irregularity of his demise.

[Atlanta Roofing]

I don’t know what people were expecting from him. He’s an actor, not a comedian. Unless he’s going to come up there and does a scripted one man show, what use is there in seeing him? They paid to watch him ramble when they could get that on the internet or TV so it’s on them.

[mart]

At least he's got the guts to do it. How many people sit around just dreaming about what they want to do.

[tChron]

He beats women. How is that 'winning' or funny?

[teej]

ok, i was at the detroit show, and i was completely ashamed of the way detroit treated sheen. if you don't like it, leave. don't heckle and boo something you voluntarily came to knowing nothing about. detroit doesn't have a great reputation as it is, and this publicity certainly didn't help. i don't know what people expected. he wasn't going to do tricks, and he would have talked if the people had let him... he wasn't going to try to talk over hecklers, and i absolutely cannot blame him. i thought he handled himself very well given the circumstances... way better than i would have. have some class, detroit! i will be the first in line for tickets if he does another show here.

[drew]

Capitalism at it's perjorative finest. The heavily-etched bottom line here is, is that he viably used very little capital to create huge margins in tix sales - all from just hype. And in defense of Charlie as a whole, inspite of his disjointedness and lack of theatricality, fans or persons who have any true capacity to interpret his intentions beyond this shamble; that is to say, KNOW of his subversive leanings, which over the years have been sublimely anointed on various talk shows has allowed his celebrity to be aligned with various activist groups critical of the government - particularly vocal was he about 9/11. Who knows, could there a be a viable conspiracy at CBS for which only he and them can sense, and for which he is forbade to speak of? Here is a man who I think has deft of perception, but sorely lacks the intelligence to articulate them. He just needs a better vehicle through which to convey them; kind of like a Jon Stewert or Jesse Ventura vehicle COULD have suited him, all before this PR debacle he is in, which seems to be based on a kind of false hedonism.

[Big Sam]

Enough is enough from this lunatic.

[zygion]

This is from April 3rd. Why are you posting it on April 19th?