Charlie Sheen review: An inept performance has his audience baying for human blood

This post has been corrected. Please see note at bottom for details.

Charlie Sheen got a lesson in the fickleness of crowds Saturday night. While doing his best to cash in on his recent cult with the launch of his "My Violent Torpedo of Truth / Defeat Is Not an Option Show," he tried to position himself as a folk hero of freedom. Unfortunately for him the audience that turned out at the Fox Theatre in Detroit took him at his word: They felt free to boo him off the stage.

Admittedly, this was one tough house. The warm-up act, some lanky, underwhelming comic named Kirk Fox, could barely finish a joke amid all the hoots and jeers. Sheen had to come out and ask the audience to cut the poor guy some slack. But there was no one to fly to his rescue once it was clear that the ex-star of "Two and a Half Men" had no ability as a live performer.

Honesty is Sheen's touted value, so here goes: He didn’t bring the goods, and no amount of pandering to the spectators with his you-and-me against-the-trolls malarkey could convince them otherwise. The Malibu messiah’s stab at demagoguery died a quick and not entirely painless death.

He flashed video clips from the “20/20” interview. He brandished the “warlock,” “tiger blood” and “duh” catch phrases his people have been slapping on merchandise. He offered an incoherent rant from a presidential-style podium. He even tried to hide behind film montages and more video. But the aging Hollywood pretty boy was not only defeated by the uncontrollable nature of theater — he was running scared.

What did anyone expect? Undoubtedly, there were a few looking forward to seeing a mental case unspool. (Before we judge our own moment too harshly, let’s not forget that asylums were once tourist attractions.) My head spun around when someone cried out for Sheen to kill himself onstage. (Probably the same species of nut job that buys a ticket to “Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark” in the hope of seeing an actor break his neck.)

But most of those in attendance — largely white, slightly more male than female, the majority seemingly under 40 — fought their own incredulity: Did he actually think he could get away with serving them this cruddy potluck, even with "the Goddesses" on hand to assist him?

Techno-seduction was clearly the wrong tactic for such a blue-collar bastion. The Charlie Sheen app that supposedly brings you inside his mind — naturally called “the MaSheen” — was projected on a screen with a menu of options intended to structure the evening, but this narcissistic shtick fizzled. (Too bad there wasn’t a self-eject button.) Likewise, the Twitter banter — about how many followers he had amassed and his need to live Tweet his "Sheenius" — seemed like nothing more than self-advertising.

The atmosphere at times approached that of a professional wrestling match. Sheen was torn between offense and defense. He taunted the hecklers that he already had their dough. But then he pleaded for softer treatment, reminding them that they gave their “hard-earned money without knowing what this show was all about.”

Sheen thrives on opposition, but how do you maintain your aggressive, pseudo-populist stance when the antagonist isn’t a studio chieftain or a holier-than-thou TV reporter but an army of working stiffs? The rebel yell inevitably became a schoolmarmish rebuke. Yes, my friends, the man who bragged about “banging seven-gram rock” chided the audience for being disruptive. Nothing apparently gets this wild child more steamed than a roomful of people all talking at the same time.

The funniest line all night came from someone seated behind me who hollered at the top of his lungs that the show had scared him straight. From now on, he promised, he would just say “no!” Clearly, for him, Sheen’s act was a “this is your brain on drugs” object lesson.

It’s a pity Sheen’s commentary wasn’t as witty. Improvisation, alas, is not one of the warlock’s gifts. Without a workable script, or an interviewer (either kowtowing like CNN’s Piers Morgan or sneering like ABC’s Andrea Canning), he’s completely at sea. Short on patter, he kept praising Detroit to the hilt, but Motor City denizens know when they’re being conned. And the anger that audibly erupted when Sheen, in a last-ditch effort at bonding, proposed swapping crack stories was a credit to this town.

The humiliation, however, wasn’t easy to watch. It’s one thing to read about the missteps of the rich and famous; it’s another to see a celebrity fall flat on his face in front of several thousand people. Rage, Sheen’s default mode, wasn’t an option. The fed-up hordes at the sold-out Fox would have trampled him. The indulgent love of his fans had transformed into deep distrust, if not disgust. The outlaw was revealed to be a spoiled brat.

The audible mockery directed at him was having an effect.  Flushed with embarrassment, Sheen suggested, like a cool kid suddenly getting picked on in gym class, that it was time for a break. “You need someone else's genius for a few minutes,” he said after floundering with questions from the audience. Some rapper marched out and futilely tried to shift the mood. Then a video of the new Snoop Dogg-Charlie Sheen single was shown, but by this time the head-shaking exodus was in full flow.

Still, many of us waited patiently in our seats for Sheen to return. He never did. The houselights came up. A stranger asked, “Is this really it?” Resignation was unavoidable. What had we witnessed? Sheen's psychiatric exhibitionism had morphed into something more embarrassing: a theatrical meltdown. This torpedo of truth wasn’t what anyone expected.

For the record, 1:41 p.m.: An earlier version of this post incorrectly referred to opening act Kirk Fox as Kurt Fox.

— Charles McNulty in Detroit

Photos, from top: Fans leaving the Fox Theatre in Detroit after Charlie Sheen's performance; Sheen onstage. Credits: Geoff Robins / AFP/Getty Images; Carlos Sorios / Associated Press. See more photos of Charlie Sheen's "Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat Is Not an Option."

Comments

[charliesheensaloser]

Charlie Sheen = loser. This guy's life/career is only looking down from here.

[Lynne Olson]

An example of "magical thinking" gone bad.

[SpazeDevize]

You get what you paid for, morons.

[Kittybarfola]

Wow, that's a lot of suckers in Detroit. If this trend continues, Sheen will be humbled and seek help and get back on "Two and a Half Men" set.

[Robyn H.]

Unfortunately Charlie Sheen doesn't agree with you, his exactly where his meant to be, good or bad we need to accept it and leave him alone.

[Matt]

You can watch audience reactions, plus footage of people booing and heckling Charlie Sheen from Detroit last night here: http://gtcha.me/eecoTd

[D. J. Fone]

I'm picturing Sheen, aware of his future "show" dates evaporating, threatening to go Howard Beale onstage, just to assure people showing up.

Then, as he stands onstage...loads bullets into the gun...points it at his head and waits for the audience to plead "No, Charlie! Don't DO it!!", they instead create a soft-blue glow in the theatre as 5,000 cellphones open, so everyone can record the onstage suicide for YouTube.

Charlie Sheen, meet Morton Downey Jr..

[Gman]

I hope he crawls back under the rock he came from.....
but then he'd just smoke it

[Doug]

I couldn't believe people actually spent money for tickets to this. They figured out what most people know, that many actors minus a professional writer are nothing more than empty talking heads with very little of interest to convey.

[TVDIVA]

You cannot do live theater without some experience or training. Look how long comedians practice at comedy clubs before venturing out into bigger shows and taped concerts.

My confusion is why major media outlets are sending people to cover this. Let it die its own slow death.

[bluesky]

Now he really reminds me of my ex-boyfriend.
Bipolar and self-medicating. Abandonment issues (anyone not with him to death is a troll/traitor). In total disbelief that he deserves something good (like a really nice girlfriend or a good paying job or family who loves him) so he does his level best to muck it up.
So sad, so many Charlie's out there.

[Stephan Pickering/Chofetz Chayim ben-Avraham]

Shalom & Erev tov:

If Mr Sheen seems lost in thought, perhaps it is because it is unfamiliar territory to him. His television programme was not humorous.. his efforts to be a 21st century facsimile of Lenny Bruce are as vacuous as Shabtai Zisel ben Avraham v'Rachel Riva's betrayal of Suze Roto, Joan Baez, his wives, his mother, his children, his people (his apostasy is paralleled by his crucifictionist albums; he is a 70 years old caricature, still selling 1965/1966 material he can no longer write)...Mr Sheen is facing bankruptcy because he has no forthcoming income...he could have -- I repeat, could have -- presented a well-written, tight, satirical montage of overviews of Horrorwood, but he has no writers. He lost his television programme because, simply put, he is not an artist, and his pious screeds have no meaning. He won't be getting his series employment back. Where does that actually leave him personally?

Regardless of Horrorwood's mediasaurs, Mr Sheen could de-toxify himself, take a year off from his self-created black-holes and think...in the meantime, no one takes him seriously; he is not an artist.

Tzeth'a LeShalom VeShuvh'a LeShalom, Mr Sheen. Go in peace, return in peace.
STEPHAN PICKERING / Chofetz Chayim ben-Avraham

[Minimanic]

The only thing ol Charlie can do to top this poor performance, is to do himself in, onstage. Knowing the mentality of his audience, they'll probably feel at least they got some bang for their buck. The real losers are Charlie's kids, who not only do not have a dad, but will also be seriously watched as they mature, to see if they carry some of the 'bad genes' of their dad. They're going to be forever marked with suspicion that somehow, they are dane braimaged, too.

It's downright pitiful, all around. Charlie, go home, wherever that is, and pull the floor up over your head. You're done.

[Big Cadillac]

Those questioning an LA Times thea-tuh review for this fiasco are hilarious. You read the review AND commented on it! Dolts.

[politicallyactive]

The dope here isn't Sheen. It's anybody who bought tickets and expected something entertaining.
What are they thinking?
It's a doped up, drunk, nut, not Hamlet or Bill Cosby.

[lfkasdfklsdflkj]

@Ryan

Yes it is theater. It may be unprepared, amateurish, and bad theater, but it is theater nonetheless.

[Prince Moore]

This is like what my Mom always said.

People may think a man is a fool...but when he opens His mouth he removes all doubt.

Charlie was ok ranting is small sound bytes, but only a moron would book a live stage show that they can't control.

Now the producers and everybody else can see what Chuck really has to offer. Not much.

It takes a village or in Chucks case a cast, crew and a bunch of writers. He had the ez part. The hard drinking... hungover wise ass.....what a great part. Even I could do it. However it is not a one man show.

[Robyn H.]

The whole perverse thing about this is US the audience, we are the rats on display - Yoko Ono would love this.

[Yolin]

Seriously? What did the people that bought tickets for this thing expect? As far as I'm concerned, they deserved what they got. He still got their money. As Letterman said,"Who buys tickets to a Sheen show?" Idiots, that's who!

[K]

The kind of folks who paid to see this are the same ones who gawk at a twelve-car pile-up on the freeway: the 18-35 crowd who find disaster entertaining and have nothing better to do.