Charlie Sheen review: An inept performance has his audience baying for human blood

This post has been corrected. Please see note at bottom for details.

Charlie Sheen got a lesson in the fickleness of crowds Saturday night. While doing his best to cash in on his recent cult with the launch of his "My Violent Torpedo of Truth / Defeat Is Not an Option Show," he tried to position himself as a folk hero of freedom. Unfortunately for him the audience that turned out at the Fox Theatre in Detroit took him at his word: They felt free to boo him off the stage.

Admittedly, this was one tough house. The warm-up act, some lanky, underwhelming comic named Kirk Fox, could barely finish a joke amid all the hoots and jeers. Sheen had to come out and ask the audience to cut the poor guy some slack. But there was no one to fly to his rescue once it was clear that the ex-star of "Two and a Half Men" had no ability as a live performer.

Honesty is Sheen's touted value, so here goes: He didn’t bring the goods, and no amount of pandering to the spectators with his you-and-me against-the-trolls malarkey could convince them otherwise. The Malibu messiah’s stab at demagoguery died a quick and not entirely painless death.

He flashed video clips from the “20/20” interview. He brandished the “warlock,” “tiger blood” and “duh” catch phrases his people have been slapping on merchandise. He offered an incoherent rant from a presidential-style podium. He even tried to hide behind film montages and more video. But the aging Hollywood pretty boy was not only defeated by the uncontrollable nature of theater — he was running scared.

What did anyone expect? Undoubtedly, there were a few looking forward to seeing a mental case unspool. (Before we judge our own moment too harshly, let’s not forget that asylums were once tourist attractions.) My head spun around when someone cried out for Sheen to kill himself onstage. (Probably the same species of nut job that buys a ticket to “Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark” in the hope of seeing an actor break his neck.)

But most of those in attendance — largely white, slightly more male than female, the majority seemingly under 40 — fought their own incredulity: Did he actually think he could get away with serving them this cruddy potluck, even with "the Goddesses" on hand to assist him?

Techno-seduction was clearly the wrong tactic for such a blue-collar bastion. The Charlie Sheen app that supposedly brings you inside his mind — naturally called “the MaSheen” — was projected on a screen with a menu of options intended to structure the evening, but this narcissistic shtick fizzled. (Too bad there wasn’t a self-eject button.) Likewise, the Twitter banter — about how many followers he had amassed and his need to live Tweet his "Sheenius" — seemed like nothing more than self-advertising.

The atmosphere at times approached that of a professional wrestling match. Sheen was torn between offense and defense. He taunted the hecklers that he already had their dough. But then he pleaded for softer treatment, reminding them that they gave their “hard-earned money without knowing what this show was all about.”

Sheen thrives on opposition, but how do you maintain your aggressive, pseudo-populist stance when the antagonist isn’t a studio chieftain or a holier-than-thou TV reporter but an army of working stiffs? The rebel yell inevitably became a schoolmarmish rebuke. Yes, my friends, the man who bragged about “banging seven-gram rock” chided the audience for being disruptive. Nothing apparently gets this wild child more steamed than a roomful of people all talking at the same time.

The funniest line all night came from someone seated behind me who hollered at the top of his lungs that the show had scared him straight. From now on, he promised, he would just say “no!” Clearly, for him, Sheen’s act was a “this is your brain on drugs” object lesson.

It’s a pity Sheen’s commentary wasn’t as witty. Improvisation, alas, is not one of the warlock’s gifts. Without a workable script, or an interviewer (either kowtowing like CNN’s Piers Morgan or sneering like ABC’s Andrea Canning), he’s completely at sea. Short on patter, he kept praising Detroit to the hilt, but Motor City denizens know when they’re being conned. And the anger that audibly erupted when Sheen, in a last-ditch effort at bonding, proposed swapping crack stories was a credit to this town.

The humiliation, however, wasn’t easy to watch. It’s one thing to read about the missteps of the rich and famous; it’s another to see a celebrity fall flat on his face in front of several thousand people. Rage, Sheen’s default mode, wasn’t an option. The fed-up hordes at the sold-out Fox would have trampled him. The indulgent love of his fans had transformed into deep distrust, if not disgust. The outlaw was revealed to be a spoiled brat.

The audible mockery directed at him was having an effect.  Flushed with embarrassment, Sheen suggested, like a cool kid suddenly getting picked on in gym class, that it was time for a break. “You need someone else's genius for a few minutes,” he said after floundering with questions from the audience. Some rapper marched out and futilely tried to shift the mood. Then a video of the new Snoop Dogg-Charlie Sheen single was shown, but by this time the head-shaking exodus was in full flow.

Still, many of us waited patiently in our seats for Sheen to return. He never did. The houselights came up. A stranger asked, “Is this really it?” Resignation was unavoidable. What had we witnessed? Sheen's psychiatric exhibitionism had morphed into something more embarrassing: a theatrical meltdown. This torpedo of truth wasn’t what anyone expected.

For the record, 1:41 p.m.: An earlier version of this post incorrectly referred to opening act Kirk Fox as Kurt Fox.

— Charles McNulty in Detroit

Photos, from top: Fans leaving the Fox Theatre in Detroit after Charlie Sheen's performance; Sheen onstage. Credits: Geoff Robins / AFP/Getty Images; Carlos Sorios / Associated Press. See more photos of Charlie Sheen's "Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat Is Not an Option."

Comments

[Derp]

He's lost his wife, his children have been forcibly removed from his home, he's been fired from the best job he's ever had or ever will have and now he's suffering public humiliation in front of tens of thousands of people. At what point will he recognize he's no longer "winning?"

[Ryan]

Am I the only person questioning the rationale of calling this thing "theatre" or sending our city's top theatre critic to review it? As an LA theatre lover, it's kind of embarrassing. WTG LA Times.

[bigbobe]

Well, if they wanted to chase him off the stage in Detroit, they'll kill him in Chicago.

[Naishkarma]

A good wake-up call --we all need one now and again. Even with tons of money and drugs to provide a cushion, reality has a way of creeping in.

[renegademike]

I almost want to feel sorry for him but then realize that he had such a great thing going and he just pissed it all away.

Let’s just hope he does not do anything stupid and gets the help he needs. He can still right his life if he wants to.

[NorthernCA Teacher]

After the media coverage of this man's downward spiral, can they really be surprised that they WASTED their money going to see this "trainwreck"?

Anyone that jumped on the bandwagon and spent their hard-earned money, deserved to be disappointed.

[Carlton West]

Charlie Sheen is a creepy little jerk who rode his father's famous name into an acting career. Like Bill Maher, his vocabulary is limited to words he sees in public toilet stalls.

[Grosero]

THE WRITING ON THE BATHROOM WALL.....SORRY CHARLEY

[Hambo]

the real losers are the knuckle heads who paid cash expecting talent. that's why they're living the dream in Detroit.

[Peter G]

What still amazes me is that thousands of idiots wasted their good money in the first place??? Did you actually think you would see something entertaining??? Who's the real fool? The idiot who wastes his talent and melts down in front of the world or the idiot who pays money and spends time to be in the front row to watch? Charlie can find help for his addictions. The rest of you are addicted to something far worse than cocaine, human misery and embarrassment.

You feed on it with the endless rabble of reality television and moronic entertainment news programs (pretty much anything produced by Ryan Seacrest), follow them on Twitter and Facebook (ludicrous - you could spend your time much more wisely). The really sad part is that this addiction is something there is no 12-step program for and you will never be sated unless you stop watching this crap and wasting your time and money on things that never had a chance of being entertaining.

I'm dissapointed in myself for taking the time to write this, but it just kills me to see Americans feeding the worlds opinion of us by subscribing to this stupidity.

[Donald Frazell]

Last!

[Robert]

He may share a salty vocabulary with Bill Maher. The main diff is people will pay to see Maher perform more than once.

[sethook]

Now if he gets a big L tattooed on his forehead, he will complete his persona.

[PhillipP]

Maybe Lindsay Lohan should have joined him. She could have fallen on her face and cliamed it's because she is a klutz. Anyone who would spend any amount of money to see Charlie Sheen's mentally unstable rants needs to ask themselves if they, in fact, are stable.

[Ron]

It's pretty bad when your HARDCORE fans boo you off of the stage..
Maybe it will be a wake up call for him and for his consideration of his future as an entertainer.

[LMH]

Charlie Sheen = LOOSER

[doubting thomas]

He wasn't entertaining on Two and a Half Men, either.
It was the rest of the cast that carried the show for him.

[JCSAZ]

Charlie's best line of the night spoke volumes about the idiots that ponied up hard earned cash to see him: "I've already got your money, dude." These pinheads that worship fame don't realize there's a reason Sheen has never had a standup act, he can't function without a script, and he's already used up all his original stuff in his interviews. I hope he gets stuck with a couple hundred thousand worth of useless, catch phrase trinkets and T-shirts and crawls back under the rock from whence he came.

[Tom]

Insightful review.

And 'Ryan', though bizarre, it's one of the most notable performance events of the year -- I'm glad the Times sent McNulty.

[concerned peon]

LA TIMES-'This torpedo of truth wasn’t what anyone expected.'

Way to diminish all those not foolish enough to buy Sheen-tickets, or be enthralled with Sheen's bogus winning-rebellion.

Even Letterman saw the writing on the Sheen-show weeks before Sheen fell on his face- 'Who buys tickets to a Sheen-show?'

Sheen takes a dump, and naturally expects his webbots to approve, even rave over the stench.