What does Mike Singletary have to do with traffic?

After returning home, I flipped on the tube to watch that day's NFL highlights. While there was plenty of on-the-field action, the sports channels kept returning to the above post-game interview of newly minted San Francisco 49ers Coach Mike Singletary. During that day's loss to the Seahawks, Singletary had benched his quarterback and banished his tight end to the locker room during the team's loss to the Seahawks. Why? The tight end was the recipient of a 15-yard penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct that hurt the team.

"I will not tolerate players who think it's about them when it's about the team," Singletary told reporters. "We cannot make decisions that cost the team."

And that got me thinking. One reason that the Southland has a lot of traffic is obviously that there's a lot of vehicles on the road. But making matters worse is behavior -- all those terrible things you and I see motorists do every day. Talk on their cellphones. Not get into the proper exit lane until it's too late. Sit on the fast lane. Never learn to properly drive. Tailgate and tap their brakes. All the kinds of things that reverberate through the freeway and street grid system and slow everyone down.

As a result, what we have is the exact kind of situation that Singletary loathes: a bunch of individuals who don't realize that commuting in Southern California is a team game.

So here's my brilliant idea of the day: If Singletary's NFL gig doesn't work out, the Southland should hire him as traffic czar. Not another person to sit around and come up with plans. Rather, a coach who will roam the cubicles and offices and factories of the Southland, inspiring motorists to do better -- or be banished to the locker room. Or, better yet, the bus.

-- Steve Hymon

Beware of parking lot F at Dodger Stadium today

Bottleneck Blog reader Kevin Kratzer of Northridge left this comment on the blog on Tuesday. I wanted to republish it for all those going to the Dodgers playoff game later this afternoon. I just spoke with Kevin and he said this was a "stream of consciousness" type comment, which is often the best kind. I also suggest that those going to the game may want to visit the restroom before heading back to their vehicles. -- Steve Hymon

Kevin's comment:

Be very careful about where you park in your lot at Dodger Stadium relevant to where your exit may be from your lot at game's end. Preferred parking lot F near the Sunset entrance (my preferred parking B lot was full) took 1 1/2 hours to exit the stadium last night. My friend who parked in lot B (he got there 5 minutes before I did yesterday) was already home in Chatsworth last night before we were able to exit lot F. Preferred lot F ended up funneling 7 rows of vehicles through a single car exit at Sunset.

Parking lot attendants standing around and talking with each other with their useless light sabers at their sides. Numerous drunk drivers (and their passengers) getting out of their 4 wheel drive vehicles and urinating in public. 

I have been to numerous games at Angel Stadium where the parking lot attendants are actually helpful. Why can't the McCourts and their team learn something from them? One should not have to run a harrowing gauntlet of drunken angry fans, scared soccer moms, and senior citizens whose best hand to eye coordination left them years ago.

Maybe I should double park, drink lots of beer, publicly urinate, and berate opposing fans in a very vulgar fashion the next time I'm at a high school baseball game in the Valley featuring Frank McCourts son. Of course, I would be arrested and if that is the right thing to do, then why wasn't it the right thing to do last night? At least Mr. McCourt might see what it's like hanging out for and hour and a half in lot F instead of wine and cheese with Barbra Streisand and Penny Marshall in the McCourt box.

Traffic Rant: Hey, City Hall, is it really that hard to build a bike lane?

I promised last week to post more transportation related rants on the blog,, and my colleague Jessica Garrison sent over this dispatch about her bike ride from Highland Park to downtown. If you sense a little frustration at City Hall, it may help to know that both Garrison and I served terms had the opportunity to work in The Times bureau there. It's an experience that doesn't wash away easily.

Hit it, Garrison:

City officials say they want to do more to encourage commuting by bike. Here’s a tip from a frustrated cycle commuter: How about some bike lanes downtown? Why doesn’t Los Angeles have them? Our city officials are so fond of making field trips to Portland, Ore., to study their housing, redevelopment and transit practices. Why don’t they take a look at how officials there have managed to take a can of paint and draw a straight line down many of Portland’s rain-fresh streets?

Otherwise, the experience of biking to work -- a practice at least one city councilman encourages of his staff -- goes something like this: Enjoy a placid and delightful ride through beautiful Los Angeles neighborhoods. Observe as feelings of calm and good humor turn to terror and rage as streets feed into downtown. Instead of bike lanes, the streets are now lined with speeding, groaning, belching buses. A commuter faces two choices: Fight for space at the side of the road with buses, or take to the sidewalks, despite possibility of mowing pedestrians down like bowling pins.

However, if you work at The Times, which is on Spring Street, you at least have the chance to take to the sidewalks in front of City Hall, where there is the chance that some of those pedestrians might be the city officials responsible for this ridiculous policy.

Unless, as was the case Tuesday, city officials had once again rented out the steps of City Hall for a film shoot. What were they shooting? “Dirty Sexy Money.” Of course.

Want your traffic rant published on the Bottleneck Blog? E-mail me something short and sweet and suitable for a family audience. As benevolent dictator of the blog I may choose to ignore, edit or publish and make you really famous! -- Steve Hymon

Traffic Rants, volume II: We need real transit

I've decided that the least the Bottleneck Blog can do for the psychological health of the Southland is to post rants about traffic and transit in our fair region. Volume one went up yesterday and here's volume two, from Lisa Sarkin, a board member of the Studio City Neighborhood Council:

I'm the only person I know who always tries each new way to get around the city. As usual, the elected officials can only find charging people more money for their mistakes.

It took me 1 hour and 48 minutes to get home from Dodger Stadium on the first Friday the shuttle was offered. That's 12 miles and there were only 25,000 fans at the game. It took me 1 hour and 58 minutes to get from Studio City to Topanga Plaza on the Orange Line the first week it was in service. That's 13 miles. It took me 2 hours and 13 minutes to get from Studio City to LAX, 24 miles, via the red line to blue line to green line to bus.

Nobody was looking for the past 20 years at what the DOT and Planning Dept. was doing, so we are all paying the consequence. We must have off the street transit as fast as possible or we must stop development.

UNTIL WE HAVE REAL TRANSIT, NOBODY WILL BE GIVING UP THEIR CARS. WHEN WILL THEY STOP SPENDING MONEY ON STUPID STUDIES AND SPEND IT ON THE PROBLEM ITSELF!!

If you have a transportation-related rant you'd like to share with the whole wide world, e-mail me and I'll give it consideration. But as benevolent dictator of the blog, I reserve the right to ignore, edit and make helpful suggestions to help you better explore your angry feelings.

--Steve Hymon

The freeway is your ashtray: Traffic rant, volume I

One of the things that has been missing from this blog are rants about traffic. I should do more of them on the blog, to the greatest extent possible, explicitly point out stupid behavior -- or at least do a good job describing the offending motorist's vehicle, when applicable.

The first of our rants comes from my colleague Rene Lynch, who writes:

The northbound traffic on the 5 Freeway had ground to a halt at about 8:15 a.m. Tuesday morning, just about five miles south of downtown Los Angeles. I briefly considered getting out of my car and tapping on the window of the silver Lexus SUV in front of me to ask: Do you think the world is your ashtray?

If you wouldn’t consider putting the cigarettes out in the ashtray of your fancy schmancy SUV with the vanity license plates, or crushing it into the floorboards, why do you throw it onto the side of MY freeway? That is so disgusting!

Where’s a CHP officer when you need one? 

Rene tells me that the Lexus had a vanity plate that suggests it had just been fixed. Perhaps the driver is your friend, your spouse or neighbor. If so, feel free to pass along the link to this blog -- and they can leave a comment on their own misbehavior!

If you have a rant you'd like on the blog, keep it short and sweet and e-mail it to me. As benevolent dictator of the blog, I'll reserve the right to reject, ignore, edit and suggest ways to better express your anger.

Deal?

-- Steve Hymon