Broken hearts hurt men more than women

Women may shed more tears over a busted romantic relationship, but men suffer the greater emotional toll, researchers say.

In a study of more than 1,000 men and women, ages 18 to 23, researchers found that unhappy romances cause men more emotional grief, including threatening their identity and feelings of self-worth. Young men and women express their distress at a breakup differently. Women are more likely to feel depressed after a breakup, while men are more likely to have substance-abuse problems.

Men may be more affected by a breakup because their romantic partners are their primary source of intimacy. Women, however, are more likely to have other close relationships with friends or family members to turn to for support, said the study's author, Robin Simon of Wake Forest University.

Nonmarital relationships are important to a young adult's well-being, Simon said. "However, the advantages of partner support and disadvantages of partner strain are more closely associated with men's than women's mental health," she wrote.
 
The study is published in the June issue of the Journal of Health and Social Behavior.

-- Shari Roan

Photo credit: Javier Etxezarreta  /  EPA

Comments

[LBGirl]

Wow, they had to do a study to figure this out? For any woman who has had to listen to a man go on and on about his ex, this is old news. Women are much better adjusted and have friends to help us through. Just get over it dude!

[James K.]

I can attest to that. I never got over my first girlfriend and it's been 30 years. Broke my heart and my spirit.

[hapa1688]

LB Girl - the study was probably done by men whose heart ARE still broken from women in their past and they needed to figure out why and found this out as part of the study

[Ray]

After going thru several break ups, years later they come back around because they aren't happy with their current marriage/relations or divorced lonely. I jest tell to get lost!
Pay backs.

[John S.]

"There's plenty of fish in the sea"

[Fred]

This is the reason men become great artists and women do not.

[Ron C.]

For men, it's their ego, period. Women are more emotionally adjusted and know when to end a relationship. When a woman has broken up with me, I deserved it, again and again.

[Truth Above All]

The reason why women have more likely to have close relationships is based on certain social dynamics in our society. Specifically, women are socially more valued than men. Men in our society are practically worthless. Why? Because women are never expected to have to approach men, in any situation. And they don't. So…demand for women driven up, demand for men driven down. This has a few effects, but I'll mention the two that apply here:

1. Under this setup, women artificially have more friends than their male counterparts, because men consistently approach women whereas women don't approach men. Since not all men that approach women are successful at starting relationships, a lot of men end up in women's "friend zones." Men do not have the luxury of women approaching them, thus having smaller friend zones and less friends in total.

2. Both sexes have same-sex friends. However, when women break up, men in their "friend zone" attempt to come to the rescue. Women don't have to sit there alone questioning their self-worth, because some guy friend(s) will swoop in to get out of the friend zone. And don't forget the constant stream of new men that attempt to enter their lives. On the other hand, men don't have either of these luxuries. So when a man loses his woman, he *only* has his guy buddies and inner circle to go to. Most of his female friends (if any) aren't going to jump him the way men jump on single women. If he goes to a bar, he can't just sit there and wait for women to come.

So yes, for men it comes to drinking, high emotional stress, and maybe self-doubt. You also have to remember that young men are practically required to drink in order to meet new women, because A) Men always have to approach women, and alcohol instills the required confidence. B) 80% of women will think it's odd if you approach them outside of bars/clubs. So these things just reinforce the alcohol issue.

It's unfortunate that instead of logically analyzing gender differences and attempting to distill them, most women just act like LBGirl. i.e., they use the social imbalance itself as justification for attitudes of self-entitlement and self-indulgence. It's particularly troublesome because it's quite clear that in an ultra-networked 21st Century society, these imbalances will give women an enormous life advantage over men. We see this already in college enrollment. Once the older generation of sexist men in power dies off, today's women will take their place, but I think no lesser tyrants will be in power.

[Wilbur Hathaway]

You have to love these articles that assume no one is gay in 2010.

[Figgins]

It's attitudes like LBgirl's that reinforce the notion that a man cannot go anywhere for emotional support. That he has to take whatever is thrown at him (literally and figuratively), with no one to talk to. If the shoe were on the other foot, how likely would she be to "Just get over it dude!"

[AGGirl]

To LBGirl: So true! I agree with you!

Whatever boys...let it go...learn to express your goddamn emotions already. It's OK to cry! But you do have to reach a point where you have to stop letting it bring you down and just move on! Don't let it ruin your chances of finding someone else that is better by being stuck in the past.

[LAofAnaheim]

Great article....Truth Above All. I like your analysis better than the one written above.

[susan estes]

Maybe they should think about this before they cheat...

[Cody]

In my experiences this has been the case. My self and all of my male friends are utterly crushed when their girl friend or love interest burns them. Worse is that the attitude is that men should just get over it. While I can't speak to substance abuse issues all of the guys that I know turn to some aspect of their life in order make themselves feel better, to take their mind off of things. Unfortunately for some with little else to take their mind off of the emotional hurt substance abuse may be their coping mechanism.

I'm fortunate in that some of my close friends are females, and they've helped me when my personal life wasn't going so well. This study may not take everything into account such as the strength of a man's friends, or if a man has female friends.

What upsets me is that more often I'm finding things written by women that say they are better than men in some respect. LBGirl's comment in particular is troubling because it basically says that when a man needs to talk about their issues they shouldn't. I'd be curious to know is whether or not LBGirl would be accepting of a female friend talking about their exes, and if it'd be acceptable to say just get over it to a female friend. There seems to be an emotional double standard there.

[Gran Tobal]

Once men become capable of moving on as easily as it is suggested that we should, we become the men that you loathe. Irony. Revel in it!

[johnjasonchundotcom]

TRUE! I STARTED DOING THESE THINGS TO PROTECT MYSELF:
1-CREDIT CHECK $5
1-A=Must approve of pre-nuptial prior to serious dating.
2-ADVANCED BACKGROUND CHECK $39
3-MEDICAL BACKGROUND CHECK $69
4-CRIMINAL BACKGROUND CHECK $29
5-ASSET CHECK $19
6-AMERICAN RED CROSS BLOOD CHECK, FREE!
7-If she passes all of this, then I do the above on her family & siblings too!
Results? Only gals in their late teens and early 20's pass.
Medical, Banking & Law enforcement employees usually pass too!
Most others fail. Multi-millionaires and billionaires pass due to $$ size!

[El Guapo de la cuidad de los angeles]

When my girlfriend moved out I was amazed at all the extra space in my place.

[frank]

Women are pigs.

[Equal]

The effect can be easily be attributed to the overwhelmingly large percentage of undiagnosed PTSD that men suffer from due to infant circumcision. The effect of the forceful amputation and pain ripples throughout the psychology of it's victims and sub-consciously torments those affected. Recent studies show the effects of circumcision are very real. From an instant rise in cortisol during and after the procedure, the effects can be tracked to a decrease in trust and bonding during breast-feeding, and decrease in pain tolerance measurable during vaccinations and other shots. As the child ages the effects dive deeper into the psych and start to surface as PTSD during times of increased stress or anger.

[Mike]

No kidding.. they needed a study? lol
All women care about are themselves and MONEY, bottom line.

[Sonya]

But, but, but I thought women were supposed to be the ones at home crying their little hearts out and men the big strong ones. Huh, yet another stereotypical BS idea put to rest. Thank you.

[anon]

I love how this is a study in order to help men to cope and inform women who my have friends in this state right now and it turns into a male female bashing session.

[J]

Guys, this means it's time to open up more outside your primary relationships. Don't stuff it all down to be "manly"!

Fred, women become great artists all the time. They just aren't recognized as such because of the Old Boys Club. Google "guerilla girls" sometime.

[Wow]

"No kidding.. they needed a study? lol
All women care about are themselves and MONEY, bottom line."

You seem emotionally mature...

[Marcus]

The reason why a lot of women can "get over it" so quickly and easily is because they never really loved the man in the 1st place. What they call "love" boils down to no more than loving their feelings. Feelings which, ironically, have nothing to do with the person whom they supposedly love. They love the feeling more than the person. And when the feeling is gone; guess what, they go with it.

But with a man it's different. Men aren't taught "love" from girl flicks. It's either a man loves you; lust you; or neither of the above. But if a man does love you, I would advise a woman to cherish that; because it is very rare thing as they eventually find out when they leave and go into the "real" world.