Why we wrote it: A story on parents’ deaths
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Some readers may be curious why the Health section does what it does, the reasoning behind in-depth stories on so-called green cleaners, the decline of autopsy rates or what exactly consumers can find through genetic testing (three recent subjects we’ve explored at length). Many may not give it a second thought, simply choosing to read or to not read, while a few automatically assume nefarious motives (as the occasional churlish missive will allege). But for those genuinely interested in how news decisions are made, we’re here to help.
Beginning this week, Booster Shots will offer a behind-the-scenes look at the Health section’s featured story. For starters: the benefits, for adults, of their parents’ deaths.
Idolize them, resent them or love and respect them (flaws and all), no one remains unaffected by the loss of their parents. Despair, sorrow, regret? We readily acknowledge those emotions. But growth, freedom, newfound control? Though common, they’re often unexpected -- because they’re not discussed.
A story about these reactions, and their effect, was conceived last fall when Times staff writer Melissa Healy interviewed Jeanne Safer, a New York City therapist, for a story about forgiveness. Melissa recounts:
‘The death of parents came up in that conversation. Adult children, it turns out, almost always nurse some longstanding grievance against their parents for wrongs great and small. But when parents die, their grown-up children usually feel compelled to say and think only kind, happy things about them, and they suppress their gnawing hurt. At some point after the funeral, Safer said, that can wreak havoc on their mental health. But it doesn’t have to be that way, she said: Your parents’ death can be the very thing that makes you happier, stronger, healthier. This was, she told me, the subject of a manuscript she was just then completing. I was intrigued.’
As was I. Melissa likes to write about the drama of human milestones, ones we all face, and there is almost nothing more universal than the loss of parents. Both of us were intrigued by the fact that discussions about how we change when we become orphans was a taboo -- one buried in platitudes.
Taboos can frequently make for good stories (you’re surprised?), but the best such discussions make people’s lives better. They don’t titillate or provoke; they inform, enlighten and enrich.
As Melissa adds: ‘To assert that we could get stronger and better because our parents have died seemed to throw a candor bomb into the usual pious pap we read about grief and mourning. It’s just the kind of conversation-starter that makes me love writing for the Los Angeles Times.’
And it’s the kind of thought-provoking, illuminating story that we think our readers deserve.
-- Tami Dennis