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If I ran the Oscars: Comedian Jimmy Pardo wants his Mandy Patinkin

February 18, 2011 |  6:00 pm

Jimmy-Pardo (2) In this interview series, we ask famous freethinkers to recast the Oscars in their own image. Our current presenter: comedian and host of the “Never Not Funny” podcast Jimmy Pardo.

Jimmy, which performers and films will the academy voters give the Oscar to this year?

It seems inevitable that "The Social Network" and "The Kings Speech" will take home 90% of the major awards.

But if you were in charge of academy votes, which performers and films would go home with an Oscar?

Ryan Gosling not being nominated for "Blue Valentine" is just crazy. I also think "Glee" should be nominated for best picture. While technically not a movie, it is also technically not funny, but that doesn't stop the Emmys from putting it in the best comedy category.

Which films and performers from the past do you feel deserved the Oscar but didn't receive one? 

Al Pacino should have won supporting actor for “Glengarry Glen Ross.” It would have been neat for both actor awards to go to the same person (he won best actor for "Scent of a Woman") that year.

Which award categories would you add? 

I'd add “best hairpiece" and watch Nic Cage, Johnny Travolta and Joe Pantoliano battle it out!

Which need deleting?

Delete all but the big six, but keep it at three-plus hours, and don't ever let the band play someone off ... just let the person talk and talk and talk.

What part of the telecast would you remove? And what would you replace it with?

People say the musical numbers should go, but I think the entire show should be done as a musical ... a rock opera, in fact. Call Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice!

I also think there should be a moratorium on the phrase "I want to thank the best cast and crew I have ever worked with." It's insincere and unbelievable.

Which part of the Oscars would you never change?

The part where they hand the trophy to the winner.

Good. They really need to keep that part. The fashion parade on the red carpet seems to have become as important a part of the ceremony as the awards themselves. What dress code rules would you mandate there?

No bolo ties... I'm talking to you, Melissa Etheridge.

Who would be your dream host or presenters?

I'd have Ricky Gervais host every year. People seemed to have enjoyed him at the Golden Globes.

How about musical performers?

I'd have Mandy Patinkin perform all of the nominated songs.

Who would receive your honorary Oscars for lifetime achievement?

Albert Brooks, Mel Brooks and country artists Brooks and Dunn. They are retiring after all.

Do you have a favorite (good or bad) Oscar moment from the past?

The year Jack Palance gave Billy Crystal the easiest night of his life! It's also nuts to not mention how great Paul Hogan was as co-host in 1987.

And lastly, let’s give you an Oscar this year for all your hard work, so Jimmy, let’s hear your acceptance speech.

Obviously, I'd like to first thank the best cast and crew I have ever worked with ...

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If I ran the Oscars: Comedian Jon Manfrellotti takes a shot

-- Paul Gaita

Photo credit: Robyn Von Swank

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