The Rushfield Review: A manifesto on tween power

Two weeks from now, the "American Idol" Top 3 will get their homecoming parades. Three weeks from now, the Top 2 will stand before the eyes of the world in their final showdown.  Three weeks and one day from now, we shall know the name of the eighth holder of the "Idol" crown. 

In the meantime, as we approach the season’s crescendo, it is time to take stock. This season has revealed much, about "Idol" and about ourselves. But many tough questions remain unanswered, and while we have these final moments together, we need to point some fingers and demand to know "who knows what, when and how."  And "who will that make our next American Idol."

Here there is my brief j’accuse to Idol Nation:

What we now know:

-- Adam Lambert will be in the "American Idol" finals.
-- He will go up against Danny Gokey, Kris Allen or maybe Allison Iraheta.
-- On sheer performance values, Adam has dominated the season as has no singer since Carrie Underwood.
-- We have three who have never been in the bottom three -- Adam, Danny and Kris.
-- We are overdue for a surprise.
-- Tween girls -- the most important voters -- are split between Danny, Adam and Kris.
-- Cougars seem to favor Kris.
-- Tweens speed-dial 100 times harder than cougars.
-- There are exactly 17 male voters in Idol Nation.
-- In the finals, The "Idol" producers have given the prime real estate -- the final, a.k.a. “the pimp” slot -- to Adam twice, Matt, Allison and Kris once each, and Danny never.
-- Four judges definitely equals too much talking, and nothing, it seems, can control that.
-- However, Kara often is more on target than any of the others.
-- At this point in the season, Simon’s reviews start to have very little impact with the electorate.
-- Tonight showed a top five on a par with any top five of yore.

What we don’t know now:

-- If it comes to a two-man race between Adam and Danny or Kris, will the red state/blue state divide kick in and turn the tide against Adam?
-- What is the giant surprise looming? There has to be one soon.
-- Will the California curse cripple Adam and/or Allison in the homecoming week? Remember Katharine McPhee’s homecoming to blase Sherman Oaks versus Taylor Hicks goin’ home an’ eatin’ ribs for breakfast.
-- Was the Cook victory a sign of openness to new types of Idols, or a confirmation of a middle American genre with “flyover rock”?
-- Will the cougars stand by Kris, or is his married status too upsetting for them?
-- Will the tweens break to Kris, or is his married status too upsetting for them?
-- How will they hold up when they have to perform two songs a night?
-- Not to mention three.
-- Will the tween girls of America give Allison a chance, or need no woman apply in their totalitarian system?

After all of this, it is time we at last addressed the ponytailed elephant in the room. For eight long years, we citizens of Idol Nation who did not happen to be females between the ages of 10 and12 sat idly by while these brutal, young dictators toyed with us and made us victims of their whims. Every female contestant who stepped foot on the "Idol" stage knew that she was “as flies to wanton boys, are we to the gods. They kill us for their sport."  With their speed-dialing superpowers, no force in our republic could match them.

For years, they exercised their power with wisdom and restraint, bestowing the first crown on Kelly Clarkson, and even though they would not stand for grown-uppy talents like Melinda Doolittle, a Jordin Sparks could still win their favor. But of late, like any ruler who has sat on his throne too long, they have become bloated with their power, capricious and intolerant of all who do not rise to their standard by being a “cute boy.”  In this season, our tween overlords have wielded their power like drunken maniacs,  massacring any non-cute boy who stands in their way. The brave Alexis Grace; noble, steadfast Megan Joy … the girls of the semifinals all fell needlessly before their swords. Until there was only one.  And she was often in the bottom three.

Tonight, in the Idoldome, a 13-year-old girl looked me in the eye and admitted that her school friends will despise Allison for getting to live in a house with these guys. And what’s more she said, a hint of menace in her voice, they will punish her for it.

This is what we call democracy!? This is how we make the most important decision in our nation!?

Tonight, I serve notice; tween girls of America, you may have cowered the rest of the media elite into submission, but I am not afraid of you, and I call to all citizens of Idol Nation who are not girls between the ages of 10 and 12 to take back your democracy.

How, one might ask, can we begin to fight back?  A non-tween citizen can only hope to vote 15, perhaps 20 times a night before their fingers get tired or they get bored and move on to something else.  Even together we can’t hope to match their superpowers.

I have a few proposals. I’m sure there are many more good ideas out there, and we should work to find what works. But for starters, if we can put a man on the moon, we can figure out a way to make it so that cells with Jonas Brothers ringtones are blocked from voting. How hard can that be? Another thought – a national movie night/slumber party every Tuesday night, with a live televised news conference by iCarly held precisely from 9 p.m. to 11 p.m. These may not be the silver bullet, but we should be willing to try everything. Until then, we will soldier on, praying that in three weeks our overlords will be granted wisdom and restraint as they choose our next American Idol.

OTHER REVIEWS OF TUESDAY NIGHT'S SHOW:

-- Phil Stacey: Idols rise to the standards

-- Ann Powers: Not a real rat in the entire pack

Photo: Allison Iraheta. Credit: Fox

Comments

[Cakenbake]

We will see how the text messages come in. I think tonight Simon tried to threw Allison and Kris under the bus. Simon impiled at the end of the evening that Allison and Kris don't have the "swagger" and not conceited enough for his tastes to win Idol.

Simon doesn't get that many people are also voting for Allison and Kris, because they are "likable", even though not for Simons type of " likability". Early on Simon did not like the idea that Kris was helping the other contestants with their songs and wanted him to be more 'cut-throat'. Simon doesn't get the fact that many of us viewers are sick of egotists in the music business. We like nice and humble people also Simon. Allison is extremely likable just by watching her on TV.

Also it is Simon who is trying to sabotage Allison and now Kris because, like he even admitted at the end of the show, they did not show him that they were cut-throat enough. It is Simon who keeps telling the viewing audience that people SHOULD NOT LIKE Allison with his remarks. He has critiqued her outfits, her dress, and even her hair instead of her singing. Which she is a stellar singer.

Simon has already picked his favorites for the finales and they are not Allison and Kris, even though they deserve to be there along with Adam.

[loghorea]

It is official... Ann... You're my idol:)

[suew]

Must you call every woman of a certain age a "cougar"? I am over 30 and enjoy idol, but despise being grouped into a title that implies I'm on the hunt for a young man. Also, the ONLY person I've voted for this season is Alison, and while I think at least one or two of the guys should be in the finals, she is not getting the votes she deserves, judging from her consistent appearance in the bottom 3. Last year, the best female idol contestant ever, Carly Smithson, was voted off early as well - too many tweens voting for cook and archie.

[Savannah]

I'm far beyond my tween years and last week I voted 600 times, this week 500. Gotta give the older ones some credit. We can speed dial too.

[girard31]

I have three tween girls in my home, so I know the iCarly plan, will not work. There's not enough to hold them for that amount of time. To divert their attention for that long a period, counter programming would have to involve Zac Efron in some capacity, and he's running from that audience as fast he can right now (I would too). However, FOX has apparently noted your concerns and has planned a show called "Glee" to follow the final show on May 19, thus taking the final vote out of tween hands. I know this secret information because all three of the tweens in my house have noted that the show looks "really cool" and "I can't wait to see that". Surprisingly, the show has also garnered the attention of three cougars at work and two gay men I know, leading me to believe that the IDOL crown this year will be decided by the 17 men who vote. Good luck, sir, America is counting on you!!

[Carrie]

Speed dialing? psssshh, UNLIMITED TEXTING is where it's at. And unlike a tween girl, I have no bedtime :)

I can't blame them for the dearth of females left at this stage of the season, though. Barring Alexis, who really did leave too soon, all the women "cast" for the finals sucked bigtime. Jasmine? Megan? Lil? These girls were supposed to stand up musically against the likes of Adam, Danny or Kris?

[Housefrau]

David Cook's victory over David A demonstrated that the Tweens do not wield complete power over Idol voting. (If David A had won last year, Idol would have never recovered and would have been relegated to the iCarly for-tweens-only category.)

However, I have to disagree strongly with one of your 'what we know' points: Kara is usually most on the money? I had high hopes for her during audition week but I now think she is total dead-weight. She started to lose me at the "we're in Studio 57" comment, and she really crossed the line last week when she said to Lil (paraphrasing the Chaka Khan song), "You have been every woman...except yourself." Kara is at best superfluous (with too many references to range and octaves) and at worst wrong. Like last night when she said Matt didn't emotionally connect with his song last night. Huh? That's all he had going for him. The vocals weren't strong but the feeling was there. I never thought I'd say this, but I think Paula should stay and Kara should go.

[Nancy]

Sorry, gotta disagree with a few of your comments.

I guess it depends on the "cougar" age, but this cougar favors Adam. He brings back the fun and excitement I had in my late teens and early 20's, and gives me something to look at. I do like Kris, but he's a tad bit too safe and doesn't "rock me out" like Adam can. I love Adam's energy too, and that helps me feel young again.

Kara more on target than anyone? You're joking, right? She's not hip or cool, and she's annoying. I think Simon is the one who usually gets it right. I like Randy, but last night he was WAY off base.

Adam has dominated the season, but I don't agree with the Carrie Underwood thing. I rooted for Bo all the way. Carrie is just good at country tunes, while Adam is much more versatile.

[Loftboy]

The solution is simple: One call, one vote. We all know that Idol and AT&T won't let that happen, so, the maxim, "Vote early and vote often," will always hold sway.

Perhaps offering a point per call that, when added up, can be cashed in for fabulous prizes, like say, botox treatments or Snugglies, will induce the "cougars" to get out and vote.

[Mania Perry]

Allison is getting the raw end of the deal. (Voting chick) tweens are cruely unfair.

Allison is perhaps the best overall vocalist at this point.

She flat rocks it.

Danny has awesome potential.

The final two really should be Danny and Allison.

Adam will sleeze into the top two, of course - which begs the question: just how many people have seen those pictures of him kissing other guys, lots of 'em, and always with full open tongue???

[Beth R.]

While I would agree that the tween vote clearly holds massive power, I would argue against the implication that they use it to vote in only those who are cute.

Kris Allen is not only a nice looking young man (says this over 40 non-cougar, thank you very much!!), but he has a pleasant voice and does a good job putting his own spin on older songs. Why can't he be a legitimate contender who has garnered enough votes to stick around based on his talent?

Same thing with Adam. He's attractive to be sure, but he's also massively talented.

And I'd have to say that my point is further proved by the fact that I personally find Danny very unattractive and I can't imagine him appealing to those who swoon over Zac Efron pretty-boys, yet enough people believe in his talent to keep him coming back.

As for Allison, I have no answer as to why she keeps ending in the bottom. She's too good to become a victim of gender-discrimination. The other females - aside from Alexis who I think l left far too soon - they were simply not talented enough to stay around.

[MsWrite]

I am in complete agreement with Housefrau – the Cook landslide over Archuleta pretty much blows your theory out of the water. If there was ever a clear-cut "tweens against everyone else" set-up, that was it. And according to Ryan, Cook won by the largest margin ever. I also have to wonder if Taylor Hicks was such a tween draw ... can't really see that either.

And Mania Perry, please spare us that tired, lame, devoid of any comprehensible value homophobic tripe. Adam will win because he has worked his ass off, taken chances with every performance and committed every iota of his formidable talent and guts every single week.

If anyone could have skated to this point on talent alone (looking at you, Gokey), it was him. But love him (OF COURSE!) or hate him (INSANITY), you can NEVER say he phoned in a performance.