Not so Duckey in Autzen as Oregon quacks

Story and photos by Joe Connor, our eco-friendly road trip correspondent.

What are the odds that one year you are cheering on your favorite team and the next year you find yourself as part of the image on the magnet schedule of your favorite team? What are the odds that a “non-BCS” school would come into Oregon’s big, bad football house, Autzen Stadium, and embarrass the Ducks so bad that many quack-quackers would leave at halftime and not return? The odds are unlikely, but yet they both transpired, and so I was reminded once again Saturday why I have the greatest job on the face of planet Earth, driving a shiny, happy veg oil rig throughout college football land.

The orange-and-blue clad Broncos from Boise State, who caused Sooner fans to weep all the way back to Oklahoma after the Fiesta Bowl a few years back, spoiled Kirk Blanchard's 27th birthday party, green hair and all.

“Sometimes I go with the yellow (hair),” the long-time Eugene resident explained before the game. Fittingly, Blanchard is, you guessed it, a painter. He’s been painting his freak head since the mid-1990s, back when Oregon was, well ... “Terrible,” said Blanchard’s long-time buddy Joe Howard, also a painter (but not to his own noggin).

Blanchard and Howard used to sneak into games, pretending they were on the list to volunteer at the concessions for the local high school. Those days are over. But the passion never dies. Last year, Blanchard had his then 5-year-old daughter, Bradi, on his shoulders as the Ducks beat Arizona State at Autzen, registering 127.2 ridiculous decibel of quack-quack noise. When late summer rolled around this year, he found his painted chromium and daughter as part of the backdrop image on the 2008 football schedule magnet. Eat your heart out Phil Knight.

Expectations in Quackland are up. Way up. So are the uniform combination for the quack-quackers. Over 350 or something at last count. Saturday they busted out the yellow helmet and yellow jerseys with black pants. But the Ducks apparently left their game in the locker room.

“Last year, Oregon State came to our house and beat us. Ooooh, that was sickening,” Blanchard commented before gametime. “You see that side of the stadium,” he adds, pointing to the Autzen Stadium’s north side. “That’s going to be built up like the other side of the stadium when we win the national championship. I can’t wait for this game to start. One hour to kickoff.”

The Ducks fans treated me just as respectfully as the Beavers did, even as I donned a Bronco blue shirt to test the respectful-meter waters. I didn’t, however, get a chance to reconnect with Blanchard after the Broncos stunned the Ducks, 37-32, putting their national championship aspirations in quite the conundrum. Maybe that’s because he was busy spray-painting Mike Bellotti's playbook with the words “Absolute joke!” or some other adjectives of the R-rated variety.

The expletives were being churned out of the mouth of one Duck fan faster than Oregon's offense all the way up in the Section 37 on the southwest side of Autzen, which offers a breathtaking view of the Willamette Valley. But not so much a pleasant view of the Oregon offense on Saturday, at least in the first three quarters against the “Duck! Here Come the Broncos!"

“C’mon Bellotti, boooooooooooooooooooooooooooo,” the fan ranted. “Absolute joke!”

Can’t say I blamed him.

Oregon fans pay good money for these tickets and they got only one quarter worth of their investment. But you have to admire a place that before you relieve yourself has a yellow Duck footprint on the pavement that reads “Welcome to the Wetlands.”

Upon exiting the bathroom, another yellow footprint reads: “Have a Ducky Day.”

Hard to imagine that was what Blanchard was feeling, or that fella up in Section 37 who, frankly, I was too scared to approach for, ahem, well, additional comment. The Ducks were the Yucks, but the sun came up Sunday and the quack-quackers realized who their next opponent will be (or shall we say, more like a stress-relieving punching bag): Washington State. Ya mo be there. Follow the scented French Fry fragrance out of my exhaust to Cougarland. But hold your nose, Ducky.

-- Joe Connor

Comments

[Mr. Blanchard]

It was best that you stayed away Joe. I'm still feeling sick from that loss!

[J Rond]

Terrible in the 90s? They were over .500! They went to bowl games!

Try the 70s and 80s, bandwagoners!!!

Signed,

Sec. 30. Row 30 Seat 1. 1974-1990.

[Mom-Mom]

Hey that's a pretty darn cute (although mean) face! That's our Bradi-girl! Loved it!

[Jex]

I am a Beaver fan that was there with my father, Duck season ticket holder for 30 years. And as a beaver fan, that game was even hard for me to watch. Horrible is a pretty good term for Oregon on that day. Is November starting real early for the Ducks this year?