Road Trip: Mad as a Tree leads to a Stanford victory

Story and photos by Joe Connor

What do you say about a school that has no mascot? What do you say to ESPN, the Pac-10 and Stanford for opening the college football season when school isn't even in session for the home team? Now, that's how you promote your university, conference and college football! Open the season ... when students aren't on campus yet!

So what do you do?

Apparently, you get mad as a tree. Yes, a tree. You see Stanford may be known as the Cardinal, but that's not its mascot – it's simply its nickname. There were no red birds flying around last Thursday in Palo Alto, but the mercury was an unheavenly 100 degrees as a heat wave struck Silicon Valley to welcome the visiting Oregon State Beavers to Stanford Stadium.

There were players, some fans, even band members, plus five women known as "dollies" -- more on them later -- and a (band only) mascot known as, you got it, "The Tree." So I guess ESPN, the Pac-10 and Stanford, said, "let's play some football."

Back when Stanford was actually good at football (you know, way back when Jim Plunkett won the Heisman Trophy) -- they were known as the Indians. But that nicknamed ruffled some feathers, so to speak, and a debate raged.

Enter The Tree. Palo Alto is full of them and the city logo is El Palo Alto, a Redwood. The Tree is so big it's even on the ballot for the Mascot Hall of Fame even though university representatives insist it's "the band's mascot, not the university's mascot." Seriously, I can't make this stuff up folks.

"The Philly Pfantic said I was his favorite dude," chirped Patrick Fortune, 18, of Fresno, a.k.a. "The Tree," after attending a recent mascot convention. "It's the most fun I could ever have."

The Tree has a 12-month assignment and he danced alongside the Dollies opening night, which themselves have been a Stanford tradition (almost like losing football games) since 1928. The Dollies, decked in exquisite red dresses with white gloves, are not to be confused with Stanford's four female and two male cheerleaders.

"They used to call all Stanford women 'dollies,' but some found that a little sexist," explained retired Dollie, Nicole D'Arcy of Santa Cruz.

I then explained to Nicole that people call me "a weirdo" for driving a lime green car running on cooking oil to football games but I don't find it sexist.

Trees. Dollies. The band leader dressed in a cape that read "Mad as a Tree." Their enthusiasm may just have helped the Cardinal topple the Beavers on a sweltering opening night. As for me and my Green Machine, we retired to my cousin's house in Palo Alto post-game where I soaked my lobster-colored face and big freak head in a bucket of ice water to cool down.

Mad as a tree? Despite the heat, I was happy as could be.