Carmageddon: What to wear?
Amid all the angst over "Carmageddon," one critical question is inevitably overlooked -- what do we wear to the shutdown of one of the most vital stretches of Los Angeles freeway? How can we prepare, sartorially, for this life-changing event?
For the Angeleno who believes all the dire warnings and plans to stay within walking distance of home, may we suggest:
*If you plan to invite friends within walking distance over for a barbecue, there's nothing like the Caperon, a little something that allows its wearer to combine the efficiency of an apron with the authority of a superhero cape.
For the Angeleno who refuses to stay at home, who believes it's his birthright to navigate Sepulveda Boulevard any time of day or night, we recommend the following:
*Cycling Gear/Sunscreen/Big Hat/Walking Shoes. (However, we feel compelled to remind you that government officials nixed a plan for a group of bicyclists to ride the freeway in the Sepulveda Pass during the 405 closure. They also forbade a block party on the Santa Monica Boulevard ramp to the 405 so don't look for the caperon in that vicinity. If you choose to ignore our warnings, we suggest adding a lanyard imprinted with the phone number of a nearby bail bondsman.)
*One in a series of T-shirts, starting with vintage 1984 Summer Games apparel, great for all the folks who keep saying, "It will be just like the '84 Olympics. No Traffic!" If that's not your style, may we suggest a visit to a print shop, where you might ask for a garment to be emblazoned with the following: "My Caltrans officials got to tear down a bridge this weekend and all I got was this lousy T-shirt." Or, if you prefer to let those around you know that you are steeped in current events, perhaps a T-shirt printed with the following, recent front page of the Los Angeles Times. (Please note the article on the bottom right-hand side of the page: "Locals' ire doomed a simpler 405 plan." )
Photo credits, from the top: Hugh Hefner: Lucy Nicholson/Reuters; Boardshorts: Metal Mulisha; Caperon: Jason Van Horn / Betabrand; Sylvester Stallone: Associated Press