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Why not ask what Kate Middleton won't be wearing?

April 26, 2011 | 11:33 am

Rage_middleton

Speculation on every aspect of the royal wedding dress reached a ridiculous level Tuesday morning on "Today," when Meredith Viera breathlessly shared the tidbit that, based on recent pre-wedding preparations (I think it was something about a protective runner being laid down on the floor of the church), "We at least know one thing Kate Middleton will be wearing ... [a dress with] a train!"

Wow, really? Surprise, surprise, didn't see that coming. But Viera's comment made me realize that despite the swirling rumors (from the most prevalent -- that Alexander McQueen's creative director Sarah Burton designed the dress -- to the seemingly inane -- that Middleton designed and made the dress herself) the news blackout has become the new black for the fashion flock.

Which means that the safest ground for speculation -- as far as I can see it -- is to begin with a list of what Kate Middleton won't be wearing when she walks down the aisle on her big day.

My short (make that skort) list includes:

-- a skort

-- a yellow track suit a la "the Bride" in "Kill Bill"

-- a Spirit Hood

-- John Galliano

-- PajamaJeans

-- a turkey-burger-print bikini

-- anything bearing the Ed Hardy tattoo wear "Love Kills Slowly" design 

-- a Norwegian OnePiece

 --a Chuck Norris "Royal Flush" T-shirt

Got one that belongs on the list? Feel free to share it in the comments section below. With any luck, we'll have the options narrowed down by the wee hours of Friday morning.

-- Adam Tschorn 

RELATED:

Interactive: Your guide to the royal wedding

Photos: Among the things Kate Middleton won't be wearing to her wedding are (from left), the yellow track suit Uma Thurman wore in "Kill Bill" (Credit: Andrew Cooper/Miramax Films), a skort (Credit: Adidas) or anything bearing the Ed Hardy "Love Kills Slowly" tattoo design. (Credit: Kirk McKoy / Los Angeles Times)

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