Turn billboard abs into washboard abs with a man girdle? It’s a cinch

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This morning one of my editors forwarded me news of the man girdle/man corset (a.k.a. ‘mirdle’ or ‘morset’), an item that is apparently flying off the shelves at Saks Fifth Avenue these days.

Apparently the slimming, posture-improving, back-pain-relieving abilities of an Australian brand of ‘compression clothing’ called Equmen is selling mirdles from down under like $120 hot cakes.

As a guy who over the course of his life has had his brows plucked, his nails done, donned a skirt (well, a kilt) and had exactly one of his ears pierced, I’m not about to get my helix-mapped singlet in a bunch about how unmanly the idea might appear.

I am opposed to the morset on moral grounds. Like toupees, colored contact lenses, lift shoes or padded anything (for men or women), the mirdle is false advertising of the highest order. Just imagine the date-night disappointment of watching George Clooney turn into Jabba the Hutt right before bedtime.

Talk about awkward.

It kind of reminds me of one of my favorite ‘Saturday Night Live’ sketches -- the one with ‘Fred Garvin: Male Prostitute’ (played by Dan Aykroyd) who, after hopping into bed, requires his surprised client’s assistance to help remove his ‘rather elaborate network of trusses.’ Thanks to Hulu, it’s embedded it below for your enjoyment.

-- Adam Tschorn

Photos, from top: Jabba the Hutt and Carrie Fisher in ‘Return of the Jedi’; George Clooney and Sarah Larson at the 2008 Academy Awards. Credits, from top: Lucasfilm; Jay Clendedin / Los Angeles Times

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