Why women can't handle 'Dark Knight'

Hey, Christopher Nolan.

Ever drink a gallon of Diet Coke and sit for two hours with your legs crossed? Oh and then -- just when it seems like Gotham is safe and credits will roll -- suffer through another 32 minutes of clenching your nether region muscles?

Clearly, the director of "The Dark Knight" and the auteurs behind other interminable fan boy action movies such as "Iron Man" (126 minutes) don't know that a woman's bladder is about the size of a salted cocktail peanut. Men have bladders that are walnut-sized. And those very gals, after silently praying that the Joker will die or Batman will retire or everyone will just perish en masse and the movie will end, tend to be seated in the centers of theater rows.

Yesterday, at the two-hour mark, I watched no less than seven women get up and crab shuffle their way to the aisles to hit the loo. It was interesting to note that one woman -- like a suffragette, of sorts -- led this brigade to the bathroom. Once she stood, others followed.

But it struck me that maybe fan boys are finally getting their revenge on women who mocked them for their comic collections and Spiderman Underoos. Is this comic craze in movies just another Hollywood conspiracy against women? (But "Sex and the City" clocked in at 2 hours and 28 minutes, you protest. Yes, and many women chose to dash off when their least favorite lady hit the screen. Not to mention the fact that it was directed by a man.)

Zack Snyder, director of upcoming geek boy extravaganza "Watchmen," has told the New York Times:

"The main picture is nearing three hours long, and I know I have a fight on my hands just with that."

Um, more like a "flight" on your hands at 124 minutes, when a dozen chicks run for the aisles. How about an intermission for the geek girls?

Photo: Warner Bros.

Comments

[jessica cannon]

what is wrong with you? how did you ever get a career in journalism? hhm? you have the opportunity to write a piece on the greatest film I have seen in my lifetime filled with plot, good acting, meaningful dialogue, and good action and what do you choose to write about? the fact that you're weak willed enough to give into the media's demand that you spend way too much money at a concession stand, devour it all in the first few minutes of a film adn then whine when you predictably have to leave to relieve yourself. That's not a woman thing its just plain stupid, if I go to a long movie I don't get popcorn and drinks, or if I do I suffer through it so as not to miss anything. It's called common sense, so you can stop ranting about your conspiracy theory and wasting people's time.

[Emurii]

Woo sexist article. What the heck, man.

[C]

Hey lady, I have a brilliant idea....how about before you go see a 2 1/2 hour-long movie...YOU DON'T DRINK A GALLON OF DIET COKE.
Seriously, this article is downright silly. You're saying we women can't take Batman, because it's too long and our little bladders can't handle some soda and a long sit? And that the director made it that long so that dorky guys can get back at their "girlfriends" for making fun of them? Ok, there are several things wrong with your article:
1. Not all women have to pee every 30 minutes. I can hold it for 9 hours.
2. If you're dumb enough to drink an entire GALLON of diet coke (which is incredibly unhealthy)...that's YOUR fault. Don't blame the director.
3. The movie being long is a fan-boy conspiracy against women?.........please.
4. Your article has NOTHING to do with the actual movie (which was nothing short of extraordinary. Heath was rocking the purple jacket.)

Whew. Good grief, lady. I pity you if you missed out on the movie because all you could think of was taking a pee. :(

[Y SO SRS?]

@Gina:

This is a blog, not a front page news story. This is more like an op-ed than anything.

Geez people.

[steph W]

Two words: astronaut diaper.

[???]

are you kidding me? Is this a serious article? Give me a break, this a complete waste of time. Great Job with this one..HAHA, what a joke.

[???]

are you kidding me? Is this a serious article? Give me a break, this a complete waste of time. Great Job with this one..HAHA, what a joke.

[Arya Singh]

Listen when you watch a Bollywood Movie after drinking a Litre and a half (Yes 1.5l) then talk! if you don't like a movie p i s s of (excuse the pun). the thing the writer my not understand is althought women do have a smaller bladder we as women can hols it for a much longer time...oh and maybe next time...don't drink a gallon of coke or whatever! Ever think of that?

[Liza]

Wow Moni! 56 comments!! People really care!

[Oriana]

I'm a woman and I have a big bladder. I also love superhero movies. And finally, I live in India where we have an interval at the half way point of a movie so if I need to go I go then.

[Kathy]

Hey, 'cool kids'. I have Asperger's syndrome, and I don't appreciate it being used as a synonym for "humorless dork."

[???????????]

Listen lady, ur obvioulsy retarded this whole article was the dumbest thing ive ever read in your life. a gallon of diet coke? you gotta weight like 500 pounds, get a life. A conspiracy against woman? haha like thats the first long movie ever made in history?? god some people are retarded i dont know what person allows you to post on this website but they need to get shot in the face after the crap you posted.

that movie was the best movie ive seen in 5 years. I'd definantly see it 2 or 3 more times in theathers heath ledger played an amazing roll, your just a WANNA BE critic that thinks/acts like they know what thier talking about. GET FUCKED

[D]

A angry sexist frustrated writer here. How can you possibly blame the director for your choice of drinking a gallon of coke? Peasant.

[guy]

wow, the point of this was?? it's not like it is the first movie ever to be 2 hours and 30 minutes.

[EMi]

Wow, really? For someone attempting to exude an air of intelligence, you seem to have an extreme lack of common sense. "Hm, this movie is over two hours long. You know what's a really good idea? Drinking a gallon of liquid filled with sugar products that will not only kill my attention span but also overwhelm my bladder in a way that is not only unnatural but unhealthy! Yea!!" Second of all, if you're so resentful of the comic book genre why would you even bother seeing the film? I think it's safe to assume that you're one of the masses who only saw this film because of Heath Ledger's untimely death, and wanted to see his last work while not fully understanding or appreciating what this film was really supposed to be. Next time just stay home and watch A Knight's Tale; it seems better suited for your mental capacity. Your gender-related arguments undermine your article as a whole, as you only feed into stereotypes that you are meant to try and break free of. Just so you know, this article would probably be received as more amusing than inane if you weren't trying to play the "women vs. men and their dumb comic book movies" card. Way to enforce idiotic gender roles in society. Perhaps you should learn to think before you do pretty much anything in life. It's pretty clear that you don't do that too often.

[Abner]

So you're asking director's to compromise artistic integrity so you don't have to go to the bathroom during the show?

I guess Beethoven was a HUGE chauvinist for writing things as long as the ninth.

[kolaida]

Um, I'm not sure if this article was a joke or not, I certainly hope so.

Anyway, as a person *with* bladder problems, I can say its easy to sit through this movie and any other movie. Um, yeah, don't drink anything. That's what I did and never once did I get the urge. Why you would drink a gallon of diet coke is beyond me (hey, if you're gonna be unhealthy anyway, get the good stuff!!).

[J6]

"Ever drink a gallon of Diet Coke and sit for two hours with your legs crossed?"

If you know you have to make frequest bathroom trips why not get a smaller drink or just skip it altogether? This is the most pointless thing I've come across in a long time!

[Brendan]

Wow. I can't believe how much vitriol is spewing out at what I read to be a harmless joke article.

Having spent roughly half my childhood waiting outside of women's rooms(my mom's bladder's the size of a tic tac), I know first-hand you're not completely inventing whole-cloth the phenomenon of women frequenting restrooms at theaters. My wife went in right before Iron Man started, once during, and once immediately after the credits. She stayed glued in place for TDK, though.

To pretend that the majority of women don't miss a good 5 minutes of every movie to hit the loo is dumb. To get spittle frothing, vein-bulging angry because someone writes a cute article joking about the length of movies being some kind of plot... that's pure idiocy.

It's funny how otherwise intelligent people will get so worked up when you suggest that anything at all about something they spazz over isn't perfect.

[Master of women]

Here is some background about Lisa Nowak, the diaper wearing astronaut. From the Washington Post: NATION IN BRIEF

Wednesday, August 29, 2007; Page A09
Insanity Defense for Ex-Astronaut
"The notice also describes Nowak as having Asperger syndrome, a condition with autism-like symptoms that causes problems with social skills and can lead to eccentric behavior."

See? Just take a tip from geek girls. When you have that "going problem", just put on some diapers.

Really, you can't help but laugh at the feminist overreaction to a trivial, sarcastic blog post. "But, it's a NEWS paper!" they whine. Yeah, so? What's the matter? Did the LA Times mess up your Asperger routine? Get a life!

Kneel before me, for I am Man.

[L]

So you're saying the reason women can't enjoy this fantastic movie is because we can't handle our bodily functions? Then truly you do need diapers. The rest of us don't, thank you very much.

[Joce]

Thank you for perpetuating that women are idiots.

I loved the movie, and contrary to popular belief just because a womans bladder is smaller...doesnt mean we lose any sense of bladder control.

I can drive 5 hours and only have to pee once. I know men who have to pee every hour.....

It has nothing to do with men and women, it has to do with basic physical function. If you cant sit longer than 2 hours without wetting yourself you need to see a doctor, and stop making woman out to be inferior film viewers. With your logic, you must have missed about 45 minutes of titanic..........

[g. mulleer]

i do not want to write something about how women are dumb and lack a sense of humor, but based on the amount of readers who just missed the joke entirely - and with some truly misguided anger (as if this post really did somehow set you all back decades) it's very hard not to. if anything, these responses have only confirmed the worst things i've heard said about woman in general... dumb and without a sense of humor.

[clair]

I don't understand what the joke is supposed to be. What is funny about women having little bladders, or not (if this is satire?) Perhaps one of you nice men could explain it to me.

[Wes]

So let me get this straight: we're supposed to make movies shorter so chick can take a piss?

Ok, we can make more roadtrip breaks more often but tampering w/ one of the biggest movies of all time so that chicks can urinate is ridiculous.

[Donavon Cawley]

Since when do human beings have to urinate every two hours? This sounds like some mindless complaining to me.

[Shark]

The last thing directors are thinking when they make movies is people wanting to urinate. They want to tell a story, it clearly says on the ticket the run time so prepare beforehand - drinking a gallon of anything during a movie that long is just asking for trouble.

And just so you can sleep at night, I'm sure it wasn't a personal attack or some sexist discrimination, Christoper Nolan just wanted to make a good movie - which he succeeded in doing.

[andrea janes]

Hitchcock said the length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder

This article was funny; the responses funnier.

[kristen]

Hi. I'd just like to say that, as a woman, this article made me want to throw up. That's all.

[TBooker]

It's not that women here don't get the joke, it's just not funny. It's bad piece of drivel. Even the suffragettes would laugh at the comparison of their struggle to urinating if it was funny. Stick to writing about handbags Monica.

[The Joker]

Actually, I don't see how anyone could leave at any point in this movie for any reason. My brother and I hade a huge thing of popcorn and neither of us touched it the whole way through. I could hardly move (except for when the guy smashed against the window)!

[Katie]

This is disgraceful. Period. I suppose this 'journalist' is probably the type who also believes women cannot 'handle' things such as Super Nintendo, World of Warcraft, Lord of the Rings, etc. How adorable.