Why women can't handle 'Dark Knight'

Hey, Christopher Nolan.

Ever drink a gallon of Diet Coke and sit for two hours with your legs crossed? Oh and then -- just when it seems like Gotham is safe and credits will roll -- suffer through another 32 minutes of clenching your nether region muscles?

Clearly, the director of "The Dark Knight" and the auteurs behind other interminable fan boy action movies such as "Iron Man" (126 minutes) don't know that a woman's bladder is about the size of a salted cocktail peanut. Men have bladders that are walnut-sized. And those very gals, after silently praying that the Joker will die or Batman will retire or everyone will just perish en masse and the movie will end, tend to be seated in the centers of theater rows.

Yesterday, at the two-hour mark, I watched no less than seven women get up and crab shuffle their way to the aisles to hit the loo. It was interesting to note that one woman -- like a suffragette, of sorts -- led this brigade to the bathroom. Once she stood, others followed.

But it struck me that maybe fan boys are finally getting their revenge on women who mocked them for their comic collections and Spiderman Underoos. Is this comic craze in movies just another Hollywood conspiracy against women? (But "Sex and the City" clocked in at 2 hours and 28 minutes, you protest. Yes, and many women chose to dash off when their least favorite lady hit the screen. Not to mention the fact that it was directed by a man.)

Zack Snyder, director of upcoming geek boy extravaganza "Watchmen," has told the New York Times:

"The main picture is nearing three hours long, and I know I have a fight on my hands just with that."

Um, more like a "flight" on your hands at 124 minutes, when a dozen chicks run for the aisles. How about an intermission for the geek girls?

Photo: Warner Bros.

Comments

[Janey]

I SUFFERED the last 30 minutes having drank a whole diet coke - I went alone so no one there to catch me up if I dashed out to bathroom! The Joker - Wow
When I first heard there was to be another joker on the big screen - I asked a friend, "who would take such a role and try to outdo Jack Nickleson's Joker?" Well - apparantly, Heath went to "Jack" school because he was brilliant - there were moments when I glimpsed a little Beetlejuice as well - what a way to spend a 98 degree afternoon!.
You will love it.

[Janey]

I SUFFERED the last 30 minutes having drank a whole diet coke - I went alone so no one there to catch me up if I dashed out to bathroom! The Joker - Wow
When I first heard there was to be another joker on the big screen - I asked a friend, "who would take such a role and try to outdo Jack Nickleson's Joker?" Well - apparantly, Heath went to "Jack" school because he was brilliant - there were moments when I glimpsed a little Beetlejuice as well - what a way to spend a 98 degree afternoon!.
You will love it.

[eugene]

This article is so dumb. With all the things that filmmakers have to manage and worry about now they have to worry about your bladder? STUPID. Who drinks a gallon of Diet Coke anyway thats just STUPID. and it's not revenge for Sex and the City...for it to be revenge the movie would have to be equally as bad as Sex and the City which the Dark Knight wasn't.

[Meghan B.]

Wow, this is so stupid and offensive. I am a woman. I sat through the entire film and didn't once have the urge to void. Maybe I was just too distracted by how awesome Batman is.

Something tells me the only small part of your anatomy, Corcoran, is your brain. I understand that you are a blogger and not a real journalist, and from that perspective I respect your opinion.

Unfortunately it remains a foolish one.

[One of the cool kids]

A lot of dorks, uh, I mean, people who love comic books have Asperger's syndrome.

Here is a quote from a Psychology Today article called Field Guide: Sarcastic Masters written by Elizabeth Svoboda.

"Some highly intelligent people who have autism or Asperger's syndrome, for example, may fail to understand jokes and sarcasm."

[joey]

oh my..what a silly thing to write about

[roytoy13]

All I gotta say is HOLD IT! OR! Be smart and don't drink anything before you go, or pee before you go. It's no big deal. If you leave you definetly might miss out on a truly bitchin movie!!!

[ang]

This is the stupidest "commentary" I've ever read. I know the LA times has better things to use its now-diminished space on. This article bases its premise on a stereotype - a stupid one at that. What's next - "women don't like jobs that are too hard, or math tests with too many problems, or newspaper articles with too many words." Sorry Monica, but you come off as silly. So do you Time's Editors.
Oh, and The Dark Knight was FINALLY a blockbuster movie where the directors paid that extra money to get one more writer to make the movie more than one action scene after another.

This article makes me sad for humanity.

[Just Cirroc]

The Dark Knight sets a new box office record yet *THIS* is how you've chosen to review it?...

"Oooo...how I had to PEEEEE!!!"...

Good grief. It's no wonder the LA Times is going under.

[tatum]

Read the "bio" of Monica - this writer - and that's all you need to know about the lack of, well, anything of value in this piece. I hate air kisses? Your bio and this piece really reflect one another. Bio's ending with ..."and she hates/loves (add something silly but slightly out of the norm) are the red flags. This isn't match.com - you're trying to pull off looking like a professional writer - or at least an adult, right?

LA is over the stupid, empty, just face-value idiotness. No, really, we are. I am a female, young, intelligent lifelong Angelino, and Monica - you don't represent or reflect me at all. Take your highschool writing somewhere else please. Actually - LA times...uh, what were you thinking? Fashion, trends, style - those topics don't have to be synonomous with emptiness. Drivel.

[Y SO SRS?]

I read this article as a humor piece more than anything, so all these comments are just adding to the laughs. Thanks! I guess there are lots of fans who have Asperger's syndrome.

[Marlene]

I went and saw The Dark Knight and loved it. Please stop dragging all women down into the dirt with your stereotypes. You do NOT speak for all of us, and I would sooner cut off my right hand than sit through a piece of garbage like Sex and the City.

[Amy]

Seriously? Someone wrote this and then someone else thought it should be published? It's every bit as ridiculous as it is littered with stereotypes. Why is this a gender issue? Presumably a long movie is a potential problem for anyone with a small bladder (which, you don't seem to realize, is not every woman and is not only women) or anyone stupid enough to drink a gallon of Diet Coke when they know they have a small bladder and are about to sit through a movie.

This article does a disservice to women, and likely offends anyone with common sense.

[kristin]

Let me get this straight: women can't sit through this movie without peeing, but women CAN sit through Titanic, which was almost 40 minutes longer. Sorry, this doesn't fly with me.

[kristin]

Let me get this straight: women can't sit through this movie without peeing, but women CAN sit through Titanic, which was almost 40 minutes longer. Sorry, this doesn't fly with me.

[Tino]

Don't you all get it . . . this is just another "journalist" who couldn't think of anything better to say . . . " - oh no, I was partying too late again, geez, I've got to write my Monday column . . . what do I do? What do I do?"

"I know, Batman was the big thing this weekend, how can I tie Batman to fashion and appeal to my female readers . . . ?" Duh.

[Kman-217]

This is news? HAHA

This is pathetic.

[Kyle Marcum]

This is not news.

This is pitiful. If a woman wants to talk about how she had to cross her legs in order to sit through The Dark Knight on CNN.com, I should be allowed to write an aritcle in Salon magazine on how it's impossible to sit through... dinner with a girlfriend.

The point is that I am kidding and that this is sexist and absurd. She talks about hoping that Batman or the Joker would die because she needed to go to the bathroom?

This is news???

This is offensive and pathetic!

[Vin]

What a retarded premise for an article. Hopefully you are one of the people being laid off. I can't image that the LA Times would keep you and let actual journalists go.

[manboy]

No no no Monica, you've got it all wrong - it's not your bladder, it's your BRAIN that's the size of a peanut.
Mine is the size of a large walnut, I thought you should know.