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Why women can't handle 'Dark Knight'

Hey, Christopher Nolan.

Ever drink a gallon of Diet Coke and sit for two hours with your legs crossed? Oh and then -- just when it seems like Gotham is safe and credits will roll -- suffer through another 32 minutes of clenching your nether region muscles?

Batflight_3 Clearly, the director of "The Dark Knight" and the auteurs behind other interminable fan boy action movies such as "Iron Man" (126 minutes) don't know that a woman's bladder is about the size of a salted cocktail peanut. Men have bladders that are walnut-sized. And those very gals, after silently praying that the Joker will die or Batman will retire or everyone will just perish en masse and the movie will end, tend to be seated in the centers of theater rows.

Yesterday, at the two-hour mark, I watched no less than seven women get up and crab shuffle their way to the aisles to hit the loo. It was interesting to note that one woman -- like a suffragette, of sorts -- led this brigade to the bathroom. Once she stood, others followed.

But it struck me that maybe fan boys are finally getting their revenge on women who mocked them for their comic collections and Spiderman Underoos. Is this comic craze in movies just another Hollywood conspiracy against women? (But "Sex and the City" clocked in at 2 hours and 28 minutes, you protest. Yes, and many women chose to dash off when their least favorite lady hit the screen. Not to mention the fact that it was directed by a man.)

Zack Snyder, director of upcoming geek boy extravaganza "Watchmen," has told the New York Times:

"The main picture is nearing three hours long, and I know I have a fight on my hands just with that."

Um, more like a "flight" on your hands at 124 minutes, when a dozen chicks run for the aisles. How about an intermission for the geek girls?

Photo: Warner Bros.

 
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Meh, my girlfriend is a camel, I'm ususally the one that avoids drinks in the theatre to avoid having to get up and go right in the middle. She also likes Ultimate fighting and Poker, neither of which I am the least bit interested in. Wow, I suck.

But I don't get dragged to chick flicks!

I would have to completely disagree with this! I never wanted the movie to end and my boyfriend was actually the one complaining about how he had to pee.

Why don't you just NOT drink a gallon of diet coke?
I love comics/comic movies and am a girl. This opinion piece was completely lame and slightly embarrassing. Women can't handle it? Why not write a review of the movie... even a feminist review, instead of turning a vision of genius into an issue of sexism. What nonsense. Batman was perfect in every way- it blew my mind.

I wish I had the last 45 seconds of my life back, this topic doesn't deserve the 20 kb of space its taking up on the net. I'm personally thrill that a handful of directors are finally making movies longer then the 86 odd minutes we've become accustomed to over the last decade. I love character and plot development. This film was an example of fantastic story telling - for comic fans and everyone else. This 44 oz bucket of soda, lack of attention span and need to be distracted by an hour and a half of mindless cinema is part of the reason the rest of the world thinks Homer Simpson is a model American. It's also why g-dubbya was elected TWICE.

kelly, you love comics and movies, but apparently not humor. fanboy revenge on women had me laughing. thank you, rage.

I feel a great deal of sadness for a person who is unable to enjoy anything in life that lasts over 2 hours because they are obsessed with when the next bathroom break will be.

This movie was thought provoking and overflowing with talent. I can't believe that a person after seeing this movie, with countless things they could have focused on, would decide to talk about their bathroom needs. Bad form.

'WAH! this movie is too long!" this is the most femenist piece of crap i have ever read. "a guy directed sex and the city! wahhh!"

lots of movies clock in more than 2 and a half hours but no you go right for the comic book based movies. im sorry that we like plot and character development. and to do that best the movie needs to be a bit longer.

go to the doctor miss. if you're peeing every 2 hours than you got some serious issues.

Further proof that men LOVE their comic books, but HATE comic women.
Fanboys: Go cuddle with your Wolverine dolls!

As a chick who has a hard time finding a guy who shares my giddy enthusiasm for all things Batman, I politely ask you to quit your whining and wait for movies to come out on DVD so you can sit at home and stuff your face with however much junk/sugar water you please and go to the bathroom whenever you want instead of ruining the movie for the rest of us.

As a chick who has a hard time finding a guy who shares my giddy enthusiasm for all things Batman, I politely ask you to quit your whining and wait for movies to come out on DVD so you can sit at home and stuff your face with however much junk/sugar water you please and go to the bathroom whenever you want instead of ruining the movie for the rest of us.

Are you kidding?
Really. Did you get paid to write this article? Please don't ever speak for us women EVER again.

You should be fired. What kind of retarded journalist, *ahem* excuse me...blogger...are you? I know you probably just needed something to complain about and the 'Dark Knight' is a hot topic right now. Your editor should be fired as well for publishing this story. This article should be renamed 'Monica Corcoran has no sense about anything....at all...including movies.'DK rocked and sets a new standard for EVERYTHING. 2.5 hours wasn't enough!!!

don't drink anything before the movie my b/f makes that mistake and made sure he didn't drink anything before watching this movie. i wasn't about to miss a thing from this movie.

I do like the idea of having an intermission in movies over 2 hours long. It would break up the fun a bit.

I was the one who dragged my boyfriend to see this movie and he was the one who had to pee in the middle!! i was smart enough not to drink anything because there was no way i was going to miss even a second of this movie!

Oh my...how about DON'T DRINK THE GALLON OF SACCHARINE AND HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP THAT WILL GIVE YOU DIABETES IN 20 YEARS

Or how about just waiting until it comes out on DVD? Did you really write an article about this?

Yeah, I thought the same thing right after watching Casablanca or Gone With the Wind.

What a waste of article space. I hope LA Times didn't pay for this to be written.

I think if woman can't handle the fact there is one movie made for men that's there buisness!!!I think BATMAN is way better then SEX IN THE CITY where women act like poor bitches and lost idiots totaly without respect for them self and now they're complaining about batman ???What wrong with you american woman>??????I think your all lost your ways, don't complaine later that you're all single women with a child and many vibrators because no man wants you !!!!!!!!

It amazes me that there are writers out there who get paid to put out trash like this and get it PUBLISHED. I suppose equally feeble minded lame brains found this amusing, but I believe this entire "article" was a complete waste of space.

This "journalist" obviously has no credible taste in movies or else they would have taken the opportunity to write about the actual film itself instead of concentrating on the number of women getting up for pee breaks.

I went to the bathroom three times before the trailers were shown. The girls next to me didn't get up once.

That's what I get for drinking Red Bull, but I had to stay awake somehow for the midnight special.

I SUFFERED the last 30 minutes having drank a whole diet coke - I went alone so no one there to catch me up if I dashed out to bathroom! The Joker - Wow
When I first heard there was to be another joker on the big screen - I asked a friend, "who would take such a role and try to outdo Jack Nickleson's Joker?" Well - apparantly, Heath went to "Jack" school because he was brilliant - there were moments when I glimpsed a little Beetlejuice as well - what a way to spend a 98 degree afternoon!.
You will love it.

I SUFFERED the last 30 minutes having drank a whole diet coke - I went alone so no one there to catch me up if I dashed out to bathroom! The Joker - Wow
When I first heard there was to be another joker on the big screen - I asked a friend, "who would take such a role and try to outdo Jack Nickleson's Joker?" Well - apparantly, Heath went to "Jack" school because he was brilliant - there were moments when I glimpsed a little Beetlejuice as well - what a way to spend a 98 degree afternoon!.
You will love it.

This article is so dumb. With all the things that filmmakers have to manage and worry about now they have to worry about your bladder? STUPID. Who drinks a gallon of Diet Coke anyway thats just STUPID. and it's not revenge for Sex and the City...for it to be revenge the movie would have to be equally as bad as Sex and the City which the Dark Knight wasn't.

Wow, this is so stupid and offensive. I am a woman. I sat through the entire film and didn't once have the urge to void. Maybe I was just too distracted by how awesome Batman is.

Something tells me the only small part of your anatomy, Corcoran, is your brain. I understand that you are a blogger and not a real journalist, and from that perspective I respect your opinion.

Unfortunately it remains a foolish one.

A lot of dorks, uh, I mean, people who love comic books have Asperger's syndrome.


Here is a quote from a Psychology Today article called Field Guide: Sarcastic Masters written by Elizabeth Svoboda.

"Some highly intelligent people who have autism or Asperger's syndrome, for example, may fail to understand jokes and sarcasm."

oh my..what a silly thing to write about

All I gotta say is HOLD IT! OR! Be smart and don't drink anything before you go, or pee before you go. It's no big deal. If you leave you definetly might miss out on a truly bitchin movie!!!

This is the stupidest "commentary" I've ever read. I know the LA times has better things to use its now-diminished space on. This article bases its premise on a stereotype - a stupid one at that. What's next - "women don't like jobs that are too hard, or math tests with too many problems, or newspaper articles with too many words." Sorry Monica, but you come off as silly. So do you Time's Editors.
Oh, and The Dark Knight was FINALLY a blockbuster movie where the directors paid that extra money to get one more writer to make the movie more than one action scene after another.

This article makes me sad for humanity.

The Dark Knight sets a new box office record yet *THIS* is how you've chosen to review it?...

"Oooo...how I had to PEEEEE!!!"...

Good grief. It's no wonder the LA Times is going under.

Read the "bio" of Monica - this writer - and that's all you need to know about the lack of, well, anything of value in this piece. I hate air kisses? Your bio and this piece really reflect one another. Bio's ending with ..."and she hates/loves (add something silly but slightly out of the norm) are the red flags. This isn't match.com - you're trying to pull off looking like a professional writer - or at least an adult, right?

LA is over the stupid, empty, just face-value idiotness. No, really, we are. I am a female, young, intelligent lifelong Angelino, and Monica - you don't represent or reflect me at all. Take your highschool writing somewhere else please. Actually - LA times...uh, what were you thinking? Fashion, trends, style - those topics don't have to be synonomous with emptiness. Drivel.

I read this article as a humor piece more than anything, so all these comments are just adding to the laughs. Thanks! I guess there are lots of fans who have Asperger's syndrome.

I went and saw The Dark Knight and loved it. Please stop dragging all women down into the dirt with your stereotypes. You do NOT speak for all of us, and I would sooner cut off my right hand than sit through a piece of garbage like Sex and the City.

Seriously? Someone wrote this and then someone else thought it should be published? It's every bit as ridiculous as it is littered with stereotypes. Why is this a gender issue? Presumably a long movie is a potential problem for anyone with a small bladder (which, you don't seem to realize, is not every woman and is not only women) or anyone stupid enough to drink a gallon of Diet Coke when they know they have a small bladder and are about to sit through a movie.

This article does a disservice to women, and likely offends anyone with common sense.

Let me get this straight: women can't sit through this movie without peeing, but women CAN sit through Titanic, which was almost 40 minutes longer. Sorry, this doesn't fly with me.

Let me get this straight: women can't sit through this movie without peeing, but women CAN sit through Titanic, which was almost 40 minutes longer. Sorry, this doesn't fly with me.

Don't you all get it . . . this is just another "journalist" who couldn't think of anything better to say . . . " - oh no, I was partying too late again, geez, I've got to write my Monday column . . . what do I do? What do I do?"

"I know, Batman was the big thing this weekend, how can I tie Batman to fashion and appeal to my female readers . . . ?" Duh.

This is news? HAHA

This is pathetic.

This is not news.

This is pitiful. If a woman wants to talk about how she had to cross her legs in order to sit through The Dark Knight on CNN.com, I should be allowed to write an aritcle in Salon magazine on how it's impossible to sit through... dinner with a girlfriend.

The point is that I am kidding and that this is sexist and absurd. She talks about hoping that Batman or the Joker would die because she needed to go to the bathroom?

This is news???

This is offensive and pathetic!

What a retarded premise for an article. Hopefully you are one of the people being laid off. I can't image that the LA Times would keep you and let actual journalists go.

No no no Monica, you've got it all wrong - it's not your bladder, it's your BRAIN that's the size of a peanut.
Mine is the size of a large walnut, I thought you should know.

WOW this was a waste of my time, I was looking for the reviews from the movie (haven't had a chance to see it yet - Family emergency's)

If your not into super hero's- don't go see a movie about them!

I am in love with Batman i always have been since i was little and i also have one of the smallest bladders out there but there is no way! i would walk out to go pee and miss one second of this movie!

I would have to agree with a lot of people this is not news just some loser that cant hold their pee

and im pretty sure this is the only review that has something negative to say and it has NOTHING TO DO WITH THE MOVIE but it being to long?!?!!?!?!!?


IS THIS YOUR FIRST TIME OUT TO THE MOVIES????

Okay, this was supposed to be satirical, right? I'm closer to 60...much closer...than I am to 16. My bladder and I made it through BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN and THERE WILL BE BLOOD, both of which clock in at about 2 1/2 hours. I have no reason to believe the two of us and our movie-going companions will make it through THE DARK KNIGHT. Simple solution: don't buy a truckload of Diet Coke. Sip water or coffee, a small amount...pretend you're a Parisian. And enjoy the shows!

i believe women can handle the dark knight. i as a female loved every minute of it and i personally would love to go 12 more times. i think this movie is absolutely worth peeing on yourself for.

I had a large Sprite in there and I didnt have to pee at all until I got home. That was an awesome movie. I wouldnt have left if I had to go anyway. I would have held it in happily. This is really a stupid topic.

Are you REALLY think women are that weak? Shame on you...

To you people who are like, "relax, this is satire (specifically the person saying people with Asperger syndrom don't get satire, etc), perhaps you are confused -- this is not The Onion. This is a NEWS paper, and people reading it expect something that is not satire...unless there is a new satire section in the LA Times I'm unaware of -- and if there is, I'd have to say to the LAT they cut the wrong departments. All in all, this piece is terrible. And it reflects very poorly on LAT. Just a few years ago, LAT was winning reporting awards, etc. Now, sadly, its a joke of itself. You'd think having to lean out the paper would make the people in charge keep the cream of the crop. But Monica's writing, bio (terrible -- with that idiotic "I'm a writer" headshot), and the outcome of the wasted time of the readers who expected something, are just the cream of the crap.

LA Times, what's going on??

DONT DRINK SO MUCH SODA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yo Gina:
It's a blog. Are you expecting a story on the recession? You probably wouldn't find the humor in The Onion anyway.

Cut her some slack, people.She's not a reporter, or a journalist or even a passable writer(interviewing celebrities and the occasional article for Variety and NY Times((on L.A. nightlife!))and an impulse buy rag like Instyle hardly count).
She's a blogger, something apparently anyone can do, if the internet has taught has anything.
I love her definitive statement of a headline. Let's hope she never runs for office and really sets back women's causes!
Pray the Times didn't waste any actual newsprint on this "story". Pity the poor trees that have been wasted these last 10 years on her reporting.

How depressing...

I guess you expected a hoard of girls to back you up on this mindless toss. I take solace in the fact that you appear to be a lone idiot.

 
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