Why women can't handle 'Dark Knight'

Hey, Christopher Nolan.

Ever drink a gallon of Diet Coke and sit for two hours with your legs crossed? Oh and then -- just when it seems like Gotham is safe and credits will roll -- suffer through another 32 minutes of clenching your nether region muscles?

Clearly, the director of "The Dark Knight" and the auteurs behind other interminable fan boy action movies such as "Iron Man" (126 minutes) don't know that a woman's bladder is about the size of a salted cocktail peanut. Men have bladders that are walnut-sized. And those very gals, after silently praying that the Joker will die or Batman will retire or everyone will just perish en masse and the movie will end, tend to be seated in the centers of theater rows.

Yesterday, at the two-hour mark, I watched no less than seven women get up and crab shuffle their way to the aisles to hit the loo. It was interesting to note that one woman -- like a suffragette, of sorts -- led this brigade to the bathroom. Once she stood, others followed.

But it struck me that maybe fan boys are finally getting their revenge on women who mocked them for their comic collections and Spiderman Underoos. Is this comic craze in movies just another Hollywood conspiracy against women? (But "Sex and the City" clocked in at 2 hours and 28 minutes, you protest. Yes, and many women chose to dash off when their least favorite lady hit the screen. Not to mention the fact that it was directed by a man.)

Zack Snyder, director of upcoming geek boy extravaganza "Watchmen," has told the New York Times:

"The main picture is nearing three hours long, and I know I have a fight on my hands just with that."

Um, more like a "flight" on your hands at 124 minutes, when a dozen chicks run for the aisles. How about an intermission for the geek girls?

Photo: Warner Bros.

Comments

[Jeremy]

Meh, my girlfriend is a camel, I'm ususally the one that avoids drinks in the theatre to avoid having to get up and go right in the middle. She also likes Ultimate fighting and Poker, neither of which I am the least bit interested in. Wow, I suck.

But I don't get dragged to chick flicks!

[Mariah]

I would have to completely disagree with this! I never wanted the movie to end and my boyfriend was actually the one complaining about how he had to pee.

[Kelly Wenrick]

Why don't you just NOT drink a gallon of diet coke?
I love comics/comic movies and am a girl. This opinion piece was completely lame and slightly embarrassing. Women can't handle it? Why not write a review of the movie... even a feminist review, instead of turning a vision of genius into an issue of sexism. What nonsense. Batman was perfect in every way- it blew my mind.

[Jim]

I wish I had the last 45 seconds of my life back, this topic doesn't deserve the 20 kb of space its taking up on the net. I'm personally thrill that a handful of directors are finally making movies longer then the 86 odd minutes we've become accustomed to over the last decade. I love character and plot development. This film was an example of fantastic story telling - for comic fans and everyone else. This 44 oz bucket of soda, lack of attention span and need to be distracted by an hour and a half of mindless cinema is part of the reason the rest of the world thinks Homer Simpson is a model American. It's also why g-dubbya was elected TWICE.

[g. mulleer]

kelly, you love comics and movies, but apparently not humor. fanboy revenge on women had me laughing. thank you, rage.

[Luc]

I feel a great deal of sadness for a person who is unable to enjoy anything in life that lasts over 2 hours because they are obsessed with when the next bathroom break will be.

This movie was thought provoking and overflowing with talent. I can't believe that a person after seeing this movie, with countless things they could have focused on, would decide to talk about their bathroom needs. Bad form.

[john]

'WAH! this movie is too long!" this is the most femenist piece of crap i have ever read. "a guy directed sex and the city! wahhh!"

lots of movies clock in more than 2 and a half hours but no you go right for the comic book based movies. im sorry that we like plot and character development. and to do that best the movie needs to be a bit longer.

go to the doctor miss. if you're peeing every 2 hours than you got some serious issues.

[The Rage]

Further proof that men LOVE their comic books, but HATE comic women.
Fanboys: Go cuddle with your Wolverine dolls!

[Carrie]

As a chick who has a hard time finding a guy who shares my giddy enthusiasm for all things Batman, I politely ask you to quit your whining and wait for movies to come out on DVD so you can sit at home and stuff your face with however much junk/sugar water you please and go to the bathroom whenever you want instead of ruining the movie for the rest of us.

[Carrie]

As a chick who has a hard time finding a guy who shares my giddy enthusiasm for all things Batman, I politely ask you to quit your whining and wait for movies to come out on DVD so you can sit at home and stuff your face with however much junk/sugar water you please and go to the bathroom whenever you want instead of ruining the movie for the rest of us.

[Suzanne]

Are you kidding?
Really. Did you get paid to write this article? Please don't ever speak for us women EVER again.

[Why so serious?]

You should be fired. What kind of retarded journalist, *ahem* excuse me...blogger...are you? I know you probably just needed something to complain about and the 'Dark Knight' is a hot topic right now. Your editor should be fired as well for publishing this story. This article should be renamed 'Monica Corcoran has no sense about anything....at all...including movies.'DK rocked and sets a new standard for EVERYTHING. 2.5 hours wasn't enough!!!

[Tina]

don't drink anything before the movie my b/f makes that mistake and made sure he didn't drink anything before watching this movie. i wasn't about to miss a thing from this movie.

[mark]

I do like the idea of having an intermission in movies over 2 hours long. It would break up the fun a bit.

[Colie]

I was the one who dragged my boyfriend to see this movie and he was the one who had to pee in the middle!! i was smart enough not to drink anything because there was no way i was going to miss even a second of this movie!

[Miles]

Oh my...how about DON'T DRINK THE GALLON OF SACCHARINE AND HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP THAT WILL GIVE YOU DIABETES IN 20 YEARS

Or how about just waiting until it comes out on DVD? Did you really write an article about this?

[JT]

Yeah, I thought the same thing right after watching Casablanca or Gone With the Wind.

What a waste of article space. I hope LA Times didn't pay for this to be written.

[blondie]

I think if woman can't handle the fact there is one movie made for men that's there buisness!!!I think BATMAN is way better then SEX IN THE CITY where women act like poor bitches and lost idiots totaly without respect for them self and now they're complaining about batman ???What wrong with you american woman>??????I think your all lost your ways, don't complaine later that you're all single women with a child and many vibrators because no man wants you !!!!!!!!

[meika]

It amazes me that there are writers out there who get paid to put out trash like this and get it PUBLISHED. I suppose equally feeble minded lame brains found this amusing, but I believe this entire "article" was a complete waste of space.

This "journalist" obviously has no credible taste in movies or else they would have taken the opportunity to write about the actual film itself instead of concentrating on the number of women getting up for pee breaks.

[steve]

I went to the bathroom three times before the trailers were shown. The girls next to me didn't get up once.

That's what I get for drinking Red Bull, but I had to stay awake somehow for the midnight special.