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Dr. Laura holds women accountable for men who cheat

On "Today," Dr. Laura Schlessinger gets to the bottom of why men cheat. She says: “When the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings, sexually, personally, to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like her hero, he’s very susceptible to the charm of some other woman making him feel what he needs."

Why didn't Meredith Vieira knock that radio quack off her stool and become our hero?

 
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As usual, there is a middle ground, and some truth to this. While what she said (as reported in this blog entry) has some bearing on why a man would stray and should be taken into account, there are some men who just stray no matter what the woman does. Obviously something like this happening should be time for deep introspection on the woman's part - *after* she's shown him the door and dumped his belongings out into the street. "What could I have done differently" is never a bad question to ask. Sometimes the answer is "nothing" - and sometimes the answer is very enlightening and helps you to become a better person - man or woman.

this notion of punishment by dumping a mans belongings in the street is absolutely absured. No one is entitled to that "self help remedy" much akin to a wrongful eviction. There seems to be a pervasive attitude toward getting revenge, like burning personal possessions, or trying to get someone fired from a job and its simply wrong to advocate this conduct whether or not we feel its justified. Go out and get a divorce lawyer and do it the RIGHT way.

Bewildered,

Clearly you've never been cheated on. And judging from your post, maybe never even married, because if you had ever been cheated on by a spouse you would know that being cheated on removes every bit of sanity, judgment, self control, sense, and rational from your body, mind and soul.

When you find out you've been cheated on, throwing your husband's clothes on a parking lot and running over them repeatedly with your car while the church next door is letting out seems perfectly rational, justified and appropriate. Plus, it feels very good. Especially if your (ex) husband is a cocky clothes horse who thinks very highly of his pecs.

Now when you fall madly in love, get married, and you trust your spouse and take his crap while he's finding himself (especially financially) , then you find out he slept with a bottom dwelling slut neighbor who pretended to be your friend and came to your home and held your baby, then you can tell me about acting rationally and getting a divorce lawyer.

I agree with Russell Miller's very rational comments. And that's what is so frustrating -- that there is truth to this. Men AND women can always ask what we can do better in our marriages. Dr. Laura was speaking about chemically and behaviorally *why* men cheat. The pronouns are interchangeable -- if she were discussing a woman who cheated on her husband, the statement would still be true. Using this as context, however, you have to balance the psychology with the fact that people have a moral responsibility to remain faithful to their marriage vows. Despite whatever pheromones are flying through the air, someone makes a conscious decision to cheat, or to engage in activities that lead to cheating. Period. There can be no excusing that.

"For over 10 years, Monica Corcoran has reported on L.A. style and the city's ever increasing power as a trend setting mecca. In her past working lives, she has interviewed almost every A-list actress for InStyle magazine and covered the busy intersection of Hollywood and style for Variety. She also regularly wrote on L.A. nightlife and culture for the New York Times. Corcoran lives in West Hollywood with her husband and loathes marzipan, air kisses and bad manner"

I can see where your priorities are. So what are you going to do when your not some cute little hot chick anymore that hangs out with "A-list actresses". Are you going to be ok when your husband starts looking at the next generation of women without the wrinkles? God forbid you pull your face tight and inject your lips, that's the absolute worst. I have some news for you, if he is attracted to your resume, you're in trouble. This is how men think, "this one isn't that cute any longer and she's overbearing", I'll take my cash and go get another one. There is an unlimited supply of people out there, but land is scarce. All in all, most of us are just not that important.

Hey, "how men think",

It's not Monica's fault that your penis is the same size as your brain.


Kat you can get mad all you want, but it's not going to change things. Dr. Laura is right, you can scream all you want about how men are at fault and women are the victims but it's not going to solve the problem. Have you ever noticed that after women get out of a bad relationship/marriage they end up with some guy who has been divorced three times has several kids and just made a mess out of his life. Women just recycle the men that other women just got out of the bad relationship with. Do you know why? Because a man that has his act together isn't going to give it up for someone who has multiple marriages, kids that have fathers out of the picture and divorce finances. If you make a bad decision you are going to live with it, forever. If the backbone of your marriage is on fashion and beauty (a decision), what are you going to do when you lose those looks, it's a fair question to ask.

One more thing kat, have you noticed there is a price that women have put on themselves. For $4500 you can get a top of the line young beautiful women to do just about anything you want. Just to put that in perspective that's less than 1% of the cost of a median house in LA, and that's for the very best. Men don't put that price on themselves, they look at things like $4500 is a lot cheaper that 50% of my assets. Women changed the rules, men adapt.

"How men think...": While you have a point, that point does not extend to all men, or even most men. Just the real jerks. I am of modest means, I don't have a lot of money to "buy" a woman, and yet I still manage to find decent ones who like me for who I am. And even if I had lots of money, I'd hide it until the last possible moment. You are not expressing how men think - you are expressing how SOME men think, and they're the ones at the bottom of the barrel.

Russell,

Why would you hide your money? Bottom line men are not going to tell women the truth they are going to tell them what they want to hear, it just makes life easier. LOL, you just said "I'd hide it until the last possible moment" because...it's ok you can tell the truth here. It's worse for them if you sugarcoat it, their husbands are thinking exactly the same but are just keeping quiet, it's what guys do. I just read today 25% of female teens have an STD, that's 1 in 4 have a disease. Do you really want to put your penis in that? Women are insane they give it up for nothing they don't even choose a mate that can take care of himself, and then they disease themselves with the sub-prime.

"How men think...": I'm having a hard time following your argument, in fact, it makes little to no sense to me. I'd hide it because I do not want a woman who wants my money, I want one who wants me. That's the truth. You seem to want to paint all men with a broad brush. I, and many men I know, are NOT like what you are describing. Maybe you're just inured because you spend too much time in Hollywood. :-)

Russell why are you trying to be sensitive? Women don't want sensitive they want strength they want to know you can provide and protect them, that's goes to their very core. Look, all I'm saying is what Dr.Laura said is pretty dead balls on, no denying it. I just used Monica as an example of some of the pitfalls people get into. You notice she doesn't talk about things like wanting to understand the subprime housing crisis and how it impacts future fed policy or political ramification of future oil dependency with regard to middle east conflicts. She talks about interviewing "A-list actresses", fashion and "loathes air kisses". It just says something about her, does she have anything else to offer in the future?

I'm not trying to be anything, I am what I am. And if a woman wants it, great, and if she doesn't, I don't particularly care. If you are making a comment about the shallowness of some women and the kind of men they attract, well, I would have to agree with that. I just wish you wouldn't purport to speak for all men, as you don't.

Louann Brizendine, author of The Female Brain suggests, similar to homosexuality vs heterosexuality, that whether someone is monogamous or promiscuous is decided in the womb -- it's not necessarily learned behavior or an inherited trait. Men and women are either cheaters or loyal from birth. (It's more frequent in men only because they have much higher levels of testosterone, they think about sex much more than women do, so they tend to find more opportunity).

Of course controlling promiscuous urges IS a learned behavior, but why do men cheat? They are born with it.

But not all men! Chose wisely. I was seduced, fooled and devastated by a cheating man but luckily I didn't marry him.

Dr Laura was the only one who was on point. Dr. Jeffry was being PC and Dr.Helen was being a bit Fem. Dr Laura was straight talking, she was saying what people know deep down to be true and can really relate to.

Why is it outrageous to say that women share some blame when men cheat? If you check any website or talk to any professional about the REASON that women stray, the discussion always involves psychological neglect on the part of the men. This seems to be a double standard.



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